Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mary M. on April 16, 2013 at 2:36pm

Hi Anna, I am sorry for your loss.  It sounds like you and your brother were really close and I think we all have the same feelings as you at some point.  I know I argued with God a lot when my husband was sick, tried to bargain my life for his.  A while back I read the diary I started after my husband passed, it was filled with anger at God, guilt for still being here, and so many other emotions.  A year has passed now and there are still days I feel like it should have been me, that my husband would have been able to do things better if he were here.  But I hold on to my faith that one day we will be together again, not the same way, but better.  That is what helps me get through each day.  For me it helped to try and do more for others, to stop dwelling on what was missing from my life but to see what others needed and try to meet that need.  It doesn't always work, as I said, I still do have days when the smallest thing will bring on tears.   Maybe spending time with your niece, giving your sister-in-law some time by herself would help you both.  Sending hugs & prayers.  It is not tangible but it does help to know you are not alone either.  

Permalink Reply by Anna Reich on April 16, 2013 at 2:53pm

Hello May, Thank you. I try to spend as much time with both my niece and sister in-law as much as possible. My mother is handling this much worse than I. Since the night he'd passed I have noticed that I try to take a lot of the daily burdens off of her shoulders so it would be a little bit easier for her to deal with this horrible grief. Everyday is a struggle. I try not to voice my feelings to my family as they are all dealing with it in their own ways and I am not trying to bring them down by doing so. Luckily though we are going to a TAPS seminar in late May which is a grievence program for military families that have lost a loved one. I am looking forward to talking with other siblings but I am also scared that we won't fit in because he wasn't KIA he'd passed stateside of this horrible blood cancer. I am hoping though to take even the smallest bit of advice from the grief counselors. 

Permalink Reply by Mary M. on April 16, 2013 at 8:46pm

Anna, all you can do is take one day at a time, sometimes just one hour at a time, and keep moving forward.  Its good that you are being so supportive of your Mom and your sister-in-law but you need some of that support too.  I hope you get lots of support from the TAPS seminar and I can't imagine anybody making a distinction between KIA or dying from this awful disease.  I was able to find a GriefShare group in my neighbourhood and that helped me a lot.   Friend that I have made on this site have been a real blessing to me, letting me know I am not alone in this grief journey, that what I am feeling others have also felt, and that each of us grieves in our own way and for whatever time length we need.  Blessings, Mary

Permalink Reply by Anna Reich on April 19, 2013 at 8:57am

Thank you Mary, Your responses are so comforting. I truly appreciate it. O:) God Bless. 

Permalink Reply by Michael Morton on April 27, 2013 at 6:42am

Anna, I want to start by saying God is not fair.  I am not a religious person but my wife was.  She would study the bible and say quotes from it all the time.  My wife's sister is a lifetime drug attic....doing all the wrong things that go with living that lifestyle and she is as healthy as a horse.  My wife died of cancer at the age of 49 on Mar 30th of this year.  I wish I could give you some great advice on how to feel better but I am a wreck myself.  I understand your feelings of guilt, I think that is normal.  I think all the time that I could have been a better husband to my wife.  That it would have been so easy to do more for her.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I am being told that things get better in time.  My wife would quote you the perfect verse from the bible.....I won't.  You try to take care of yourself. Every person here cares about you.

Permalink Reply by Anna Reich on April 27, 2013 at 11:19am

Thank you Michael ad I am SO sorry for your loss. My brother wasn't very religious either. I remember caring for him in the hospital, a friend of mine gave me a bottle of holy water and told me to pour a little in his water and have him drink it. Of coarse he wouldn't (willingly) do it. So while he slept I would spike his cup with Holy water. I fessed up after a while and respected his wishes when he would smirk and ask me politely not to do that. Between you & I, I wish I'd kept doing it. In a sense I feel like I'd lied to him. I feel like all the times I'd told him "Oh by this time next year you will be running around with your little girl" and "Oh you'll be fine, this will just make you stronger for the future". And after all that, he didn't make it. 
 Michael, I am SO sorry for your loss and even though we don't know each other personally, I am sending you a BIG virtual hug because you are right, It isn't fair. :'(

Permalink Reply by Michael Morton on April 27, 2013 at 11:56am

Thank you Anna for everything you said and sorry but I was kinda venting.  I just wanted to give you a GIANT virtual hug back.  Thanks again.

Permalink Reply by Anna Reich on April 28, 2013 at 3:45pm

No, Thank you Michael. O:)

Permalink Reply by Mary M. on April 28, 2013 at 7:13pm

Michael I am so sorry for your loss.  Your right God is not fair .. at least in the here and now that we can see.  While my faith has helped me through the worst of my grief, I cannot quote bible verses either.   Its enough that I believe right now.   It's been 13 months since my husband passed away and I honestly am not sure how I made it through the first few as my brain was in a fog, nothing made sense.  My heart goes out to you in your loss and I thank you for encouraging all of us with your comments.   

Permalink Reply by Michael Morton on April 28, 2013 at 8:16pm

Mary, I am so sorry for your loss.  I understand what you are saying that for the first few months you were in a fog.....I feel the same way now.  Thank you for your kind words. I hope things are a little better for you now.