Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Peggy Henry on July 9, 2012 at 4:46pm

I never dreamt I'd be going through this, does anyone!  The loss of your soul mate is the emptiest feeling I never imagined.  We were married 23 years, he loves the kids and the grandkids.  They don't live close enough, I don't want to burden them, friends don't understand this feeling as they haven't experienced it in their own life.  I keep asking God why, help me with this, let me know he is ok, in no pain. 

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Peggy Henry on July 9, 2012 at 4:57pm

I am new to this compter thing, my daughter gave it to me to try to help me.  If I error please tell me. 

Permalink Reply by Lazondral Nelson (Nicole) on July 9, 2012 at 5:15pm

Peggy, I am so sorry for your family's loss. I am sorry that you had to go through this. My faith is what kept me when my daughter died of ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) last april. I was angry, numb yet hurting all at the same time. No one in my circle had ever experienced anything like this. It is hard. Sometimes it will take all the strength that you can muster to go on. But you must go on. Take things one day at a time. It is a process that no one can predict. I highly recommend keeping a journal, which has helped me tremendously. I pray that God's peace envelop you, his comfort surround you and his love overwhelm you.

Permalink Reply by Desiree M on July 9, 2012 at 5:37pm

Hi Peggy I am in the same situation you are my husband passed away on the 18th of June, he had Pancreatic Cancer though, he died 3 days after being placed in hospice. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. Also, I had no clue that my husband was so sick, in the days before his death he kept saying that everything seemed unreal because he didn't feel like he was dying. I will say that since I joined this group, I have been able to manage to get through my days. My wounds of him dying are very fresh but being able to read other peoples experiences and share my experiences has begun to help me heal. I know I have a long road ahead but through the stories of others I know I can get through this and hope that being here will be able to help you as well.

Permalink Reply by Peggy Henry on July 9, 2012 at 6:00pm

My husband never realized he was so ill, even after the diagnosis, he asked why is this happening to me, I asked the same question.  Only good thing is it went fast for him, it is forever for me.  Driving home at the end of the day, I get that knot inside me, knowing he won't be there.  I still greet him when I open the door.  Praying someday God will let him visit me, just for another hug or wink of the eye.  I can't see the empty feeling ever going away.  I try to be upbeat around people,  then think who cares!  Still in shock and disbeleiving  will he crying stop, everyone tells ya so, but untill then I need tissues all the time.  Hate grocery shopping, haven;t really cooked, just nuke, this is so hard.

 

 

Permalink Reply by Kim Phillips on July 9, 2012 at 6:09pm

Peggy,

I totally understand from the bottom of my heart what you are feeling.  The loss of someone who is your soulmate leaves you sooooo empty, so alone, crying all the time, looking and searching for the person around every corner, such sadness and despair and longing.  You wonder how G-D could take the one true person that you love so deeply and completely.  Your heart aches and you yearn for that person.  You call out his/her name waiting for an answer but receive no reply.  You ask G-D to let you know if he/she is ok and you receive no reply.  At times you feel as if you want to die too.  I don't know how to get through it but take each day as it comes and allow yourself to feel the pain.  I will tell you this, my soulmate passed about 2 months ago and I thought the pain and the tears, etc. would get better but for me it has only become worse.  I do journal every day and I am not sure if it helps or causes more pain.  It all seems so unreal and so unfair.  Keeping busy helps  but there are many days I just want to lay in bed and be left alone.  I pray for all of us .  Love and healing.

Permalink Reply by anna l. on July 9, 2012 at 6:55pm

Hi Peggy, Im so sorry for this tragic loss.  They say time is a great healer.  Well Im not so sure it heals as it lets us learn how to live without our husbands.  It was a year last week for me and I love his just as much, miss him more because it has been so long since I last saw him, and hurt so bad for the anguish I watched him go through.  But I now know I can get up every day and do what has to be done.  I have learned to take care of the house and yard by myself.  I have learned to cook for one person.  I have found some hobbies I can do to fill my time.  I wish with all my heart I had never had to learn all these things because I loved my life with my husband.   There is a calmness in me now that took a year to come.  I still cry, sometimes rage, but not all day every day as it was at first.  I will tell you something I wish someone had told me in those early days after he passed, there might come a time when the numbness wears off and the pain of all you have lost hits hard.  It did for me around the three month mark.  If it does, let people around you know how bad it is so they can be around you to support you though those days too.  Another thing my husband had me promise him was to not make any major decisions in that first year.  It was a blessing to know I had time.  I still dont know if I will stay in our house, or what I will do with all his things, but it is better than doing it in a panic early on and then regretting it.  Be gentle with yourself.  Take as good a care of yourself as your husband would if he were here.  Hugs from one forever wife to another.

Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on July 10, 2012 at 3:23pm

Peggy,

I am so sad for your loss. All of us here know exactly how you are feeling. There is no escape from what you have to go through. The hurt never goes away it just changes. Cancer is a murderer. The only thing that I can say that might comfort you is that he is not gone, he is just in another place on his journey. I did a great deal of research after my mother passed June 26, 2011. I suggest you do the same. sUE

Permalink Reply by Betsy Arnold on July 10, 2012 at 9:36pm

Peggy, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my husband almost 3 years ago (Oct. 31) from two rare blood diseases which led to Leukemia, and a failed stem cell transplant. He was 43. The last 3 years have been the hardest I have ever lived through. He was my soulmate, my best friend. We had no children, because one of the rare blood diseases was genetic and fatal to a child. He was sick a good deal of our 18 year marriage, so we weren't able to adopt. Like you, I hate coming home to an empty house. I feel him here every day, every night in spirit but oh, how I would love to have one more hug, one more kiss, one more smile. The pain never really goes away, but it can get better. God has gotten me through, along with supportive family and friends, grief, spiritual and personal counseling. Someone mentioned keeping a journal which is also a great help. Please know that you are not alone. While our losses are different, because our spouses and our relationships with them are different, we are all still on the same grief journey. We can share each other's burdens. We're here for you, we're here for each other. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

                          Sincerely, Betsy

Permalink Reply by Kim Phillips on July 12, 2012 at 9:40am

Hi Peggy,

Just checking to see how you are doing? 

Permalink Reply by Cat on July 19, 2012 at 7:50pm

I know exactly how you feel. My father died June 11th of this year due to liver failure. It was the worst day of my life. I miss him so much and that hurt is so extremely painful but I had to do my best to be strong for my poor mother. She was in denial. It was so hard to watch her face the reality. One thing I have been doing is practicing Tibetan Buddhist meditation. I am a christian but I find that practicing meditation DOES help those who have suffered the lose of a loved one deal with it a little better. I've been meeting with a Buddhist meditation group once a week and it's starting to help a bit. Buddhist meditation is not a religion but a way of life. It teaches you how to deal with the suffering, pain, and anguish life throws at you. I've come to realize that death is inevitable and no matter how much we cry, beg, or whatever, it is going to happen. Crying and mourning is part of the healing process but there does come a time that one HAS to accept what happened and continue living. I loved my father and always will and there will always be moments where I will lose it and wish he was still alive but I do take some comfort in knowing he is no longer suffering. The pain of his death will always be with me but I know he would want me to continue living my life not only for myself but  for my children and looking after my mom as well. Please, if any of you have a moment take some time to look at this video about the life of The Buddha. It's a pretty neat story and does help put things in perspective. God bless!         link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFbjDcz_CbU

Permalink Reply by Michelle Ehm on August 23, 2012 at 12:38pm

I is horrible what happened to you.Almost the same thing happen yo me .MY mom was sick with which we thought was a bad back all year since labor day., when she finally went to the hospital they took MRI and took the Ct scans STage 4 liver cancer,They gave her a 10 hour back surgery march 18th to remove the tumor off her spine.She passed may 11th. I am sick I will never get over this ever ,my stomach same thing you are going thru. I can't eat it hurts so much I feel like want to die.I don't know where to turn.

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