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Comment by Vedi R on February 19, 2011 at 7:45pm

What do you do with days when you feel guilty for being the one still alive?

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 5, 2011 at 4:55pm

thanks Lauren...my mom's death has just been more than devastating....the way my sister acted, was just like my mom was nothing, when she was such a special person....I have talked to my sister and got nowhere, it just made it worse....she is just a very selfish, uncaring person, and I know there are people out there like that....my sister is still physically here, yes, I just mean the sister I knew and her actions, thats NOT my sister, I am sure you understand....its a loss of a different kind....my sister lives in another state, and I'm not well enough for her to come here, and I'm too upset about her actions to see her....I need to be as calm as possible, it doesnt benefit me to get even more upset....too much grief lately....thanks Lauren :)

Comment by Lauren Bosi on February 5, 2011 at 12:58pm

Rachel, you are right, you have lost your sister, but not physically.  I suggest you talk to her no matter how hard it is and get everything out in the open.  She may be fighting her own battles that you don't know about. either way, it's going to have to be a face to face discussion.  You won't feel better until you do.  I am sorry about your mother.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 5, 2011 at 5:38am

she even said "why should I contribute when I will get nothing out of it"  can you believe that?  she wanted to benefit from my mom's passing?  what kind of person does that....its just sick....I just have to state how I feel

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 5, 2011 at 5:36am

I know this may be weird, but....I did not lose my sister deathwise....I have lost her in a different way....at the time when I needed her most, she wasnt there....when my mom died, she didnt come to the funeral, she didnt help with the arrangements, she left everything to me....she is a callous person.....she was estranged from my mother, but she is just inhumane, so its a double loss....I don't know how people can be so sickeningly uncaring, about her own mother???  one day it will all hit her, and I wont be there for sure....the whole thing just makes me so sick

Comment by Stephanie on January 31, 2011 at 10:59am

I had a dream last night with my sister in it. For the first time since she has passed, she wasnt "alive" in my dream. We both knew she was a spirit, but I could hug her. She was in her old room in the house we grew up in. There was no furniture in her room and I just happened to peak in the room because there was a light on. When I opened the door and saw her, I got so excited, ran up to her, and hugged her. I asked her if she was able to see us (meaning my family) and she said yes. Then I asked if her seeing us was like how we watch TV? Weird question, but I guess that is how my subconscious thinks of spirits watching over us...being able to tune in. Gives a whole new meaning to reality TV =)

I was kinda sad when I woke up when I realized that she was no longer
"alive"in my dreams, but I have to admit that it was nice not to have to skirt around the issue while talking to her.

 

I hope everyone is doing well!

Comment by Stephanie on January 27, 2011 at 10:33am

As human beings, we try to do the best we can,

but the world is full of unexpected twists and turns.

And just when you've gotten the lay of the land,

the ground underneath you shifts and knocks you

on your feet.

If you're lucky, you end up with nothing more than

a flesh-wound, something a band-aid will cover.

But some wounds are deeper than they first appear

and require more than just a quick fix.

With some wounds you have to rip off the band-aid,

let them breathe and give them time to heal.

                                     -Grey's Anatomy

Comment by Vedi R on January 25, 2011 at 1:41pm

The crystals are a great idea, thanks. I can't tell you both how much it means to me that you understand what I'm going through. Speaking of things we hold onto that reminds us of our sisters, I have this necklace with a turtle pendant that I wear that belonged to my sister. She was active in the Leatherback Turtle Conservation in South America at one point of her life. I wear it when I want to feel her close by. I also wore a pair of her socks for the first time the other day at my son's first concert where he played the violin in a county orchestra. I felt that she would have liked to be there and hear him play. It was so emotional for me that day. After she died, my mother and I packed her stuff up, mostly her clothes and shipped them down to Louisiana. I still have two suitcases with her stuff, unopened with me in NY. My sister lived in Yukon, so many of her things including her house remains there with her boyfriend. I can't bear to go through her things that I brought back yet. The suitcases remain unopened. I have attempted to but it is just too painful to do.

You know, I think alot about my purpose here on earth these days. I am trying to believe that my sister had completed what she had set out to do in her life. Maybe, we haven't. We need to put one foot in front of the other (even if they are baby steps)  and persevere somehow. I think our sisters would want us to.

I have never been a spiritual person, I'm the kind of person who needs to see or experience some sort of scientific proof in order to believe something. Now my life changed so drastically. I find that I'm trying to read every possible book out there on spirituality and life after death in the hopes of understanding all of this.

Comment by Stephanie on January 25, 2011 at 11:36am

Vedi and Lauren,

Im loving this conversation that we have going! Its so comforting to read that Im not alone with some of my thoughts and feelings. Vedi, I too felt the same way when it came to feeling any other feelings other than grief. I know my sister definitely would have wanted me to to grieve her because, well, that's just how she was =) (I just had to correct myself from saying that is just how she is, to was).  But at some point our sisters would want us to move on. For the past two years I think I subconsciously put my life on hold in fear of feeling guilty moving on with life with Sarah couldnt. But then I realized I had things I wanted to do before I die and what good would it do it BOTH of us didnt reach our goals before dying.

As far as the "physical memories", I've kept everything that reminds me of my sister. I let some close family members come by while packing her belongings to come pick out what they wanted. Anything else I donated (which was nice because Salvation Army actually came by and picked up the donations instead of me worrying about another thing to pack up in my car). My boyfriend gives me a hard time because of all the things I own now. Not only did my sister pass away 2 years ago, but my mother passed away about 8 years ago so I have A LOT of memories I've kept.

One thing I've recently came across was carrying around crystals with me. I spoke to a crystal reader a couple of weeks ago and she sensed my issues Ive been dealing with right away. Her recommendations:

Grief - Obsidian, Apache Tears, Black Tourmaline, Clear Quartz
Health & Motivation - Water Melon Tourmaline, Blood Stone, Lapis,
Labradorite, Carnelian, Turquoise.

I found a local store that carried crystals and stopped by. $15 later I have some new and beautiful crystals that I wear in a velvet bag close to my heart. Since I've been carrying these around, I have finally started feeling like my old self. It's been over 2 years since I could even come close to making a statement like that. I hope this info can help anyone out that may be looking for an alternative way to dealing with grief.

Comment by Lauren Bosi on January 24, 2011 at 3:59pm

Oh Vedi I am so sure they miss us JUST as much as we miss them, but in my heart, I know my sister Tracey is living the ultimate life or that is what I tell myself. Unlike you and Stephanie, I only had one dream of my sister in the past 3 years and it kills me. Nothing great, just that she was in a room with me and was wearing yellow, her favorite color. I wish I could say it's going to get better, it does, I don't cry every hour anymore, but it is a long process and something you shouldn't do alone. I have been doing it alone for 3 years and my life has stopped. I am depressed, no motivation, I don't enjoy the things I use to enjoy, and much don't enjoy anything. I have two boys that rely on me and I can't even help them when needed. Vedi, please talk to someone, talk this out with someone that can help you get through this very painful time. As for the "physical" things, after my sister passed away, I went into her house and took mostly everything. (Her husband is a, well lets leave it at that) Her clothes, kitchenware, furniture is something that I look at everyday and it's like I am holding on to her that way. Maybe she will come back for it :) I want to give you all a group hug! Our sisters will forever live in our hearts and in our memories and no one can ever take that away.

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