Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Teresa H on August 31, 2011 at 7:10pm

Ashley Nicole,

 

I don't really have any idea what to say but just wanted to let you know how sorry I am that this happened to your sister.  I know you must be hurting so much and I hope that people will respond just to sort of give you an online "hug" and let you know that we know what a nightmare this must be for you.  Your message was so beautifully and tenderly written, you must be a very special person, yourself.

 

I hope that your next days and weeks and months will be filled with people who will give you hugs and will listen and be there for you.  

 

Bless you!

 

Teresa 

Permalink Reply by Ashley Nicole on August 31, 2011 at 8:25pm

Teresa H,

Thank you for your words and the online hug. I've actually had alot of people around me, but I'm not usually a really touchy feely person with more than a select group, but if it makes any sense... they haven't helped much. I guess I keep being afraid of "piling too much on them". I guess in a way I hoped someone out there knew what I was going through and I could talk to them instead. I guess I'm just looking for someone to vent to.. someone that understands and needs someone there thats, sadly, in a similar position.

Permalink Reply by Teresa H on September 6, 2011 at 4:33pm

Ashley Nicole,

 

I know what you mean about not being touchy-feely...  I dare say your friends wish they could say or do something to comfort you but don't have any idea what.  I remember the first time I went through the death of a friend's father...  I'd never been through death, before.  I stayed totally away from her for weeks, thinking that she needed her "space" and time to be with her family.  I didn't really have any idea what to do.  Later, she told me that she would really have loved for me to come by the house and just be there. So I learned from that and I try to be there for my friends and family, now, when they lose someone.

 

That said, this is a good place to reach out and to say what you need to say. 

Blessings,

Teresa

Permalink Reply by Ashley Nicole on September 6, 2011 at 10:46pm

They've tried and it does make me feel good to have such a support system around me, but at the same time I kinda just wish I could write down or tell them exactly how I feel. I don't know how to. My husband, for example, lost his dad suddenly when he was 15. He rarely talks about it. If I'm not mistaken, I believe he's one of the people that actually found him. Anyway, it was/is obviously pretty rough for him, but it almost seems as if he believes that it's a similar situation and that by now I should be past it. I have my days with it and some are defintely harder than others, but I just find it hard to talk about it with anyone not online because they just get quiet.. akward or they want to know every little detail and I dont want to give it.

This place has actually helped alot so far. I guess I feel good knowing I'm "not the only one". I start counseling on Thursday. I'm hoping I'll be able to "come to terms" with everything before too long. *sigh*

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on September 1, 2011 at 11:21am

Hi Ashley, 

 

My heart hurts for you. I don't have the same situation that you have gone through, but I can understand the feeling that you missed out on part of her life and now she is gone. when I was 23 and my sister was 21 I moved to Nova Scotia from California. It was a great change in my life, but it wasn't a good change for her. I missed out on a lot of things in her life, and a lot of opportunities to help her through some bad decisions that she had made. 6 years later she passed away in her sleep, I hadn't seen her in a year, and hadn't talked to her in almost that long because she was bitter at me. Just like you though if I would have known the last time I saw her, was going to be the last time I heard her laugh or saw that smile with those dimples, I would have held onto her and never let go.

 

I am always here if you would like to chat or e mail back and forth. It is important to connect with someone and share your feelings so that they don't eat away at you. I didn't know your sister, but I know she would want you to go on living, because thats what sisters want for each other. 

 

I wish you love, healing, and patience for yourself to grieve. 

 

*hugs*

Steph

Permalink Reply by Ashley Nicole on September 5, 2011 at 9:32pm

You're right, Amber would want me to go on living. As crazy as it may sound, she's helping in her own way. It's hard and I really miss her, but I know she'd want me to be ME.. not this whiney, depressed, emotional person that the monster that did this has created.