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Comment by Julie Dolsey-Weiss on October 2, 2009 at 8:56pm

I am so sorry I feel very much the same way, when good things or bad I think to call my mom and remember she is gone from this life. My daddy died in 2005 and I still want to email him. You lost your husband too, so tragic! My heart goes out to you.

Personally I have no family left, not really my daddy had a second family and we are not that close and I am still friends with my ex but divorcing him was the worst decision I made. I can not forgive myself for that!

My mom was always there to listen to me, dry my tears, hug me. I feel your pain and wonder is it hard to do things, I just don't feel like doing anything? No joy!

Comment by Diana on October 2, 2009 at 5:14pm

I TOO LOST BOTH OF MY PARENTS IN 6 MONTHS TIME AND THEN 1 YEAR LATER MY HUSBAND. WHEN I WAS GRIEVING HIM AND FEELING SO DOWN. I THOUGHT, I NEED TO TALK TO MOM AND DAD AND THEN REALIZED THEY ARE GONE TOO. NO ONE TO SHARE GOOD OR BAD TIMES. MOM AND DAD AND RICK MY HUSBAND WERE MY STRENGTH WHEN I WAS WEAK. NOW I JUST CRY A LOT. PRETTY MUCH ANYTIME.
ITS ALL SO HARD. THIS IS ONE TIME PICKING MYSELF UP AND DUSTING MYSELF OFF ISNT WORKING. YES AS WITH ALL OF YOU MY WHOLE WORLD IS GONE OR CHANGED DRAMATICALLY. NO IDEA WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING. TRYING SO HARD TO PUT MY FAITH IN GOD.

Comment by Katie Grace on October 2, 2009 at 4:11pm

I definately identify with you cause a lot of fears have come up for me after my mother died. I think that its natural to have a fear of your own mortality, especially after a loss, and have a deep sense of uncertainty about life...Its hard to think that we can lose the ones we love most so quickly. I also can identify with the fluxuating between numbness and heaviness. Its like the world outside doesn't seem familiar and the world inside of yourself doesn't either...hope the fears you are experiencing lessen and the pain gets easier for you to manage!

Comment by Julie Dolsey-Weiss on September 4, 2009 at 7:46pm

Fear I have been having ever night for the last 5 days or so, the numbness is fading slowly. At times I feel numb and other times I have such huge heaviness and pain in my heart. I am not even sure what I am afraid of. It scares me that someone I love could just die and I would not know it. I usually can sense things and changes and this blind sided me!

Comment by Carrie A Williams on September 4, 2009 at 1:12pm

You are where I was a while back and, now, the grief has hit me with full force. It takes a while to even wrap your mind around what has happened and I did not really expect the grief to hit me like this a couple months later but it did. I did make an appointment this week to talk to a grief counselor next Tuesday and I am hoping that maybe they can guide me somewhat in dealing with this pain and fear. Some days I feel like I am in constant fear and I cannot even put my finger on what the fear is???

Comment by Julie Dolsey-Weiss on September 3, 2009 at 7:53pm

Carrie I feel alone, numb and have made many changes since my mom died. To me it is not real. I look at her picture, the flowers,etc. and nothing gets through and when i watch tv and its something that people normally would react to I feel nothing! I feel like i am cold hearted by I know Its the grief and it will hit me.

Comment by Carrie A Williams on September 3, 2009 at 11:34am

I so understand Tiffany!

I feel so alone. I feel empty. I cannot relate to anything or anybody right now. I am consumed with grief and pain everyday, every moment.

Comment by Tiffany Jacobsen on September 2, 2009 at 10:30pm

Im also all alone now as well...im not sure where to turn....i think i am just realizing the reality of it all right now...ive kept myself away from the real world...ive been on an emotional rollercoaster ride and feel like im going crazy.....alone..confused..angry...etc...I dont know which way to turn..

Comment by Julie Dolsey-Weiss on September 2, 2009 at 10:18pm

Thanks Carrie. I am keeping moving forward I have to. I lost my best friend today, she simply walked away from me. When I needed her most.

Comment by Carrie A Williams on September 2, 2009 at 7:15pm

I am so sorry Julie. It must be hard knowing that your hard work is now going to pay off and you are going to graduate but your Mom is not here to share it with.

I am having trouble even accepting that my parents are gone. A friend brought a book over for me about motherless daughters and I actually paused for a moment thinking "that is not me" but then the reality slaps me in the face.

I cannot imagine the pain of actually finding your Mom this way so unexpectedly. I am so sorry.

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