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Comment by Brett Bowman on June 2, 2018 at 10:48pm

Virginia, I guess what I am trying to say is that maybe there was a way to keep our mom's alive even longer. But they deserved to live a happy life as well. My mom could have only been so happy living the way she was.

She may have even been willing to accept it for my sake. And that's what she would have been doing, living for her children's sake. My mom deserved to rest. She had given all that she could.

Comment by Theresa on June 2, 2018 at 4:37pm

Yes we have Brett and I am glad to have met everyone one here, I hope we keep in touch throughout our years without our moms.

My moms birthday is coming up June 29, she would have be 95 !

Miss you mom..

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 2, 2018 at 10:27am

Mom had to sleep with a bipap for years. It was especially difficult during her worst times because that mask is not comfortable. The mask had to be very snug. There has to be a perfect seal. That was the only way it would work. If mom moved around too much in her sleep the mask would leak. That was scary. This is life and death. The bipap was the only way that she could expel Co2. I used to feel so sorry for her. Every night I would put that thing on her and I would see the look on her face as I tightened it.

In the end I had her on high flow oxygen. That gave her some comfort but it was also very bad for her because you still want them to try to breathe and use as much as their lungs as they can. There came a point when I was more concerned about mom's comfort. She did receive oxygen through a cannula but there came a point that I had to use the bipap more and more during the day. Mom hated it. This goes back to quality of life. I'm not sure how high the settings go on a bipap, but the machine is pre-set. You can't turn it up or down. Her doctor decided what the settings would be. There came a point where I had to listen to my mom and do what was fair for her. You can almost force a person to live. You can put someone on a ventilator and restrain their arms. But what kind of life would that be. Sometimes a doctor is kind of like a referee.They see what we don't want to see. They see what we do not want to accept. I wanted my mom to have some quality of life. She could barely even talk while she was on the bipap. They are also very loud for the person who is wearing it. After mom died, I was glad to see that machine disappear. It helped her, but it was also something that caused her a lot of discomfort. My mom had experienced enough discomfort. She put herself through a lot for me. I had to think of her happiness, too.

Bluebell, that's amazing about the cat. Seems like you would remember if you had placed it on top of that book. I have not experienced anything like that.

Theresa, thank you. You mean a lot to me. The timing of our mother's deaths. We've sort of gone through this together.

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 2, 2018 at 10:21am

Virginia and Theresa

I did not get goose bumps when I found the small wooden cat on the book, but I did think it was either a gift from my Mom or my Brother in Law. It could have been from either one of them. It did make me smile and thanked them both because I really do not know which one it is from, and I was willing to believe that it was a gift. The cat is sitting in a place of honor on my bedside table. What I find interesting is that the name of the book is "Hope And Help For Your Nerves." It was written in 1969, but this was a new copy I had ordered. Do you think maybe I was being told I was on the right path and they were pleased with my choice? I really do not know for sure, but I suspect that was what was being said to me and in the only way they could manage to do it.

If anyone who reads this thinks this is nutty and I have lost it, maybe it is. But I choose to think otherwise.

Bluebell

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 2, 2018 at 9:54am

Avi and Virginia

I am a nurse and I functioned and thought like a nurse when my Mom was in the hospital before she died. But I also was a daughter that did not want to let her Mom go. As a nurse, I knew it was time to let my Mo, go, but as a daughter, I hated having to make that decision and carry it through. The doctor at the hospital did not push Hospice, but he did say she was Hospice appropriate. He would have done whatever I ask, including a Bipap, and continuing treatment. Her Advance Directive for Health Care said no CPR, no intubation, feeding tube or kidney dialysis. Bipap was not mentioned. My decision because I was her designated spokesperson to carry out Health Care decisions when she could not, because I was a nurse, I decided not to go to the next step of a Bipap. I do not think she ever would have gotten off it and she would have hated having to live that way. Then I would have had to make the decision to take her off and watch her die maybe in a matter of minutes. By bringing her home on high flow oxygen, she at least had 2 days of being with her family and being in the home she had been in for over 30 years. It broke my heart on the last day she was alive, that she tried to eat her daily milk and cookies. But all she could manage was take a nibble of the cookie and a sip of the milk. I think she was saying goodbye to something she really enjoyed every day for a few years.

Brett.

My Mom's circumstances were different from your Mom's. If I remember correctly, she just had to be on the Bipap when she slept and oxygen by nasal cannula during the day. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Bluebell

Comment by Avi on June 2, 2018 at 8:57am

Virginia, exactly samee happened with me. May be I was in shock too.

Doctor told me its over and I just believed him.

Now feel guilty of this behavior but this was how it meant to be. These are all ovstacles planned by destiny.

Comment by Theresa on June 2, 2018 at 5:24am

Bluebell, you just never know :), I don't know if you remember me telling that when my mom passed I guess it was after the priest blessed her there was a piece of glitter on her forehead, so after time went on I kept saying in my yoga class please help me mom, and there was always a small piece of glitter on the top left side of my mat, crazy right, well here is better, now 2 1/2 years later I purchased a new mat because I washed mine in soap and ruined it, I was worried about my small speck of glitter, however on the first day using it in class I was rolling it up and guess what there was a tiny glitter star like on it I was taken back, I have not seen it again, we just never know.......

Comment by Theresa on June 2, 2018 at 5:19am

Happy Birthday Brett!!!!!

Comment by Virginia G on June 2, 2018 at 4:01am

Do you have goosebumps?

Comment by Virginia G on June 2, 2018 at 4:00am

A visit from your Mom!  How precious

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