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Comment by Avi on June 10, 2018 at 9:23pm

Great to hear that bluebell. 

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 10, 2018 at 6:35pm

The celebration of life went well. I even spoke a few words to the crowd. That was very hard because I do not like public speaking, but I was driven to do it. I had to tell the people what it was that I missed the most about my sister's husband. So I said, "What I miss about ****** is how much he loved my sister and enriched her life. That is what I miss the most."

If my Mom is not at peace because she wants to be here to help me, I do not want that for her.

Bluebell

Comment by Avi on June 10, 2018 at 12:31pm

Virginia, today I felt extreme guilt and was not able to prepare for an imp interview on tuesday. Guilt was mainly related to her care in the last 15 days where her disease was progressing.
So I respect your feelings and understand that sometimes you have such feelings

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 10, 2018 at 11:42am

Yeah, it's a hard thing when we feel this badly and people will even criticize the way we grieve. When I look back over the past two and a half years, I can probably say that I have gotten more bad advice than good. Though I will say that most of the bad advice was well intended. People just don't know what to say. First they have to understand how and what we feel. It's a rare thing to find someone who truly gets it.

I know for myself there came a time when I had to be my own advocate. I had to filter out the bad advice, even when it was coming from my own mind. Grief has forced me to punish myself. That is an undeserved trap that grieving people fall into. There is only one way that I know of to find daylight. We have to keep fighting for life. The sun is going to come up every day. Our moms are gone from here but we are still breathing. I used to say that happiness is a choice. Now, I am not entirely sure if that's true. I mean, I sure wouldn't choose to be unhappy. There's a lot at play here. Missing my mom is bad enough. An inner desire to punish myself is forcing even more grief on me. I have to break that cycle. If I really do choose to be happy I know that I am going to have to fight for it. Life, including my own will go on regardless. I'm going to ride this out until its natural conclusion. 

I choose to live, so I will take baby steps every day until I can walk again.

Comment by Virginia G on June 10, 2018 at 8:35am

Brett, 

why would your girlfriend say not to talk to your mother?  I don’t understand that.  I guess it’s a very personal part of grieving.  I feel bad when I don’t talk to her enough.  I don’t know what I’m doing.  I feel like I don’t even grieve right.  You talk about how your Mom was a constant companion and now there’s nothing.  It’s the same for me and I cannot live with it.  I can’t bear what happened to her, nothing makes sense, the guilt is tremendous, and I can’t live without her.  I know everyone is trying to be positive but it’s how I feel.  

Comment by Theresa on June 10, 2018 at 5:39am

Avi thats right, leave the soul be in peace..

I sometimes wonder if my anguish and pain is known by my mom, I would say no because she is a peace would God let here see her child in pain.

I know this if off the subject but I want to tell everyone, I will abbreviate it as much as possible    my brother after he came home from Viet Nam he was in the Marines, hitch hiked to Salt Lake City Utah he wasn't himself as you can imagine, I was only 5 years old.

However a guy on a motorcycle picked him up and to make a long story short the guy was making a U turn and wiped out and my brother was hit by three cars on the highway so hard his pants, shoes and socks came off, he landed on the shoulder he told me this he heard people talking he couldn't feel anything, but he said above his head he heard wings flapping, just to let you know he was very very close to our Grandmom who passed, he said the wings stayed above him until the ambulance came then he heard them getting further away.  True story........he almost died, but it wasn't his time.  I won't go on but you can imagine so sad.  I make him tell me the story because I know it was my grandmother who stayed with him until help came, I truly believe it.  Til this day my brother sees figures of deceased family, he said after mom died my dad was standing in his doorway and he said as fast as he was there he was gone.  None of us have seen mom yet.

Comment by Avi on June 10, 2018 at 2:04am

Brett, yes why should one prey on my grievance. This is really if true.

In Hinduism, it is not considered to disturb a soul after it left the body. It is believed that now the soul is with its creator so better the soul be in peace.

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 9, 2018 at 11:41pm

Theresa, one thing I can tell you for sure is that feeling of, "You should still be here", stays with us regardless. I knew my mom was dying, but I had talked to her every day of my life. I went from having a constant companion to having nothing of her. That is so hard to reconcile in my mind. The first couple of days after she died I was aware that she was gone. After a few days I was like, "Okay. I want to talk to my mom now." That I can't have that is so hard. Wondering where all of those years went. Sometimes I'll hear a song on the radio. I will think, "That song is from the 80's. My mom still had a long life ahead of her." I will read a book and look at the copyright date and think, "Mom lived for five years after this book was published." I always want to go back. I always want a do-over.

I can't say that I have felt any kind of energy from my mom. I just wonder if it is there but I am too blind to see it.

I have no idea ow to advise you on the psychic thing. This has really become a sore spot for me. My girlfriend tells me that it is blasphemous, and that I will get somebody, but it won't be my mother. She even tells me not to talk to my mom or invoke her in any way. This is especially frustrating for me because she still has her mother and father. She has no idea what this feels like.

There are other people who I have talked to who think it is all a big scam, that a psychic will tell you just enough to make you think that they are legitimate.

And I have other friends who are all for it.

I have watched Theresa Caputo, and if she is faking, she sure is awful good at it. But how do you know if you will get a psychic that really has that gift? Some of them are full of crap. I have gotten a message on this site, a form letter actually, from a woman who claims that my "loved one" has a message for me. I just have to pay her to find out what that message is. I wrote her back it wasn't nice. That a person could come to a site like this and prey on grieving people is sickening.

Of all the things I have heard, someone telling me that I will offend God, that is the hardest pill to swallow. Like I'm not miserable enough. And then to have someone lay that burden on me. If anyone knows how much I miss my mom, it's God.

Lastly, I have to realize that things will never be the same. I want to hug my mom. I want to make eye contact with her. I can't have that. I could have the most gifted psychic in the world, and he/she couldn't give me that. But you have a unique situation. I can understand why you would want to communicate with your mom. I can understand why any of us would want to communicate with our moms.

Comment by Avi on June 9, 2018 at 10:48pm

Bluebell, wishing u enjoyable time and your sister's husband will give blessings to all. And it is really great to hear celebration of life party. In India, it is not very common. 

Theresa, this is really a soothing feeling that you always used to talk to your mother while driving home. I will always regret of not talking to my mother enough. I respect your feelings.

Comment by Theresa on June 9, 2018 at 7:43pm

 Bluebell and Brett I know exactly what you’re talking about I have felt such energy from my mom when I went into her house it was a very strange feeling sometimes I get that feeling now.    So this is just a question that I will throw out many times which is against my religion I was thinking of going to a psychic just for curiosity sake.  

Avi  when your mind is preoccupied it seems to be good when that leaves it hits at least it does for me till this day    Sometimes I’ll be driving home from work and I’ll start crying because I used to talk to my mom every day on the way home from work and I said mom why couldn’t you have waited for me to get there why couldn’t I be there mom why didn’t you wait no one has answered me yet but I do have one thing I know for sure one day all of my questions will be answered and I know that 

 Sometimes I just sit here and think mom you should be here right now I say that because when you talk to somebody and they seem perfectly normal they talk to you like they do any other day and they tell you I’ll meet you at the hospital with no urgency but just doesn’t seem right   I guess that’s the way goes and I’ll live with that the rest of my life 

 Bluebell I hope you have a good time it’s good to be around people at least it helps me sometimes 

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