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Comment by mercy on October 24, 2011 at 12:54pm

IIana and Elaine. I feel the same way. I feel so alone most of thetime, sometimes I seek company thats very unhealthy for me. My baby girl will be two soon, she's the only person that I feel connected to since I'm in a far away land, away from family and old friends. I hate the holidays so much now and cannot even get into the spirit no matter how hard I try. I just keep hoping one day this cloud will pass, for the sake of my baby.  Elaine, I too feel like the best part of me is gone but I still have my little girl who needs me. I know if not for her, I would not even be in this world.

Comment by Ilana Rabone on October 24, 2011 at 7:12am

I know how you feel Elaine! I am have been feeling lonely since my mother passed a year and a half ago.  My friends have all abandoned me and my Dad and my Brother have their own lives and we seem to go in different directions.  I was crying all weekend because a long time friend decided not to be my friend anymore because she said I haven't been there for her.  Now I'm scared that I will be alone for New Years because all my friends either have boyfriends or don't want to be with me (I guess because I talk about my mom alot).  Where do you live Elaine?  I'm in Florida. 

Comment by Ilana Rabone on October 21, 2011 at 7:50am

I haven't been having many dreams about my mother and I don't know why.  I used to have them all the time.  Last night I had a frightening dream about my 10 year old son and how when he was a baby my ex-husband tried to take him away from me.  I woke up sweating and I kept going into his room because I could swear that I kept hearing my son crying for me.  I'm not sure what is going on and its beginning to worry me.

Comment by mercy on October 20, 2011 at 3:36pm

Sue; thank you so much for the advice as always, and what a coincidence with the inheritance story?? Its been five months since mom died and we are just starting to try and function.

 I knew it would be tremendously hard for me to accept something after the loss of someone, am just now learning how hard. I’ll definitely sit on this for a while, in my grief, I’ll probably do something stupid so waiting is a good idea. She also had a lot of real estate and I’m not sure how she designated that; I dare not ask and will probably wait for years to find out. There’s such a finality to wills and trusts that makes the grief ten times worse.

Comment by Sue Waxman on October 19, 2011 at 1:44pm

The irony...I got a call from my sister that my inheritance is in the mail this morning.

I feel exactly the same way. Sad. Not happy at all. Sad. I have no idea how much..why it is such a secret...I have no idea. Mom wanted to leave us something. She was such a saver - not a spender! Paid cash for everything, even her car. She would always get on my case about spending money. I wish she was here to bug me again!!! LOL. I'm busying a new vaccum - a Dyson. She would love that! Such a cleaner she was. I have 4 cats and a Golden Retriever so vaccuming is a necessity for me regularly. Oh, how I miss her coming to my house and cleaning out of cubboards and putting that paper down in the drawers making everything so damn neat!  I miss her. Our lives are different now aren't they Mercy? Maybe buy yourself something your mom would chukle over. Don't do anything with it yet. Sit on it...your mom will tell you how she wants you to spend it. If you listen you can hear her. My mom is constantly giving me advise. She is always with me. Just look in the mirror and you will see your mom. You are one in the same forever. I know exactly how you are feeling Mercy. I feel the exact same. Sad - alone. So alone it is something scarey. Then I pray. Love Sue

Comment by Sue Waxman on October 19, 2011 at 1:36pm

 

Comment by mercy on October 19, 2011 at 12:29pm

I recently had a dream, I can't remember all the details but I also heard my mom saying "I have to go now"; it was so sad......but I didn't cry, I just watched her walk away.

Last week I was notified of my inheritance by one of my sisters and I'm finding it so hard to even think about the money. I'll probably start a scholarship fund in my moms name at my old high school. How do you all deal with inheritance? This is the first inheritance am receiving from anyone.

Comment by Sue Waxman on October 19, 2011 at 10:08am

Hi Friends,

I love reading about you all and what you are experiencing right now. Certainlly, we are all wondering...and wanting to hold onto something that we can feel good about right now. Something we can each believe to be magical and beautiful. I will tell you this. I truly believe we will be reunited with our departed loved ones. I don't have to read any books. I watched my mother willingly go with God and take her last breathe. It was so beautiful yet it haunts me watching the life drain out of her beautiful face. During this experience - it changed me. My mother non-verbally communicated to me she was going to be alright. I have never been a super relgious person. Now I am. I still have MANY questions about religion. But I know there is an afterlife. For some it is called Heaven. Some call it The Garden of Souls. I don't think Jews, Catholics, Christians, Musulims or any specific religion condemn another in saying that they are the ONLY religion to believe. I love the Buddhist way of life. I have incoporated these ways into my life today. Doesn't mean I am Buddhist. You want to find some peace and answers? Read about Buddhism. Powerful stuff. I now live every single day being the best human I can possibly be to earn my passage to heaven. I give back, I help others, I try and be patient and kind and all of that ....I'm not saying I suceed every day. Put the focus on earning your passage to the after world. Sue

Comment by Sue Waxman on October 19, 2011 at 9:00am

Hi,

I remember my moms smile too!  She had such a great laugh. I miss all of those things we just take for granted will always be there. They aren't. Scarey dreams, I blieve because we are well ...scared. My mom was my everything. Now I am alone. Sue

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on October 18, 2011 at 8:27pm

i cant even have or remember those vivid dreams, but maybe that is god's way of protecting me, because it was too real.....i remember her smile....

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