Comment

Comment by Sandra Nichols on December 29, 2011 at 1:34pm

Elaine, I am so sorry about the nursing home and work  situation. We also had to put our mom into a skilled nursing facility that she hated. We would see her after work and sometimes early morning because it is not allowed to take off from our jobs during the days. I do feel like this society places no value on caring for your parents. I've noticed that even if your managers are pretty nice - they will get in trouble for letting you have much time off. I just have to think that our mom's who grew up with hardships understand all of this and knew in the end that we truly loved them. My mom died in the hospital after complications so she never got to go home when she was feeling a little better. Like you, I don't think our society places any values on family and caring for the sick. It would have to start at the top where the head honchos are with their mansions and stocks and diamonds and exotic vacations and new cars every year. Unfortunately these are the very same people that only value the material things they own and look down on the rest of us . Very sad.  

Comment by Lisa Gladieux on December 27, 2011 at 10:35pm

I was with my mom when she took her last breath & in a strange sort of way, it brought me peace. I had some other family members with me & within an hour of her passing we were laughing and I was eating a Wendy's cheeseburger. I found out recently that my it freaked out my cousins husband. It was like we were all delirious after 3 days & that's how we dealt with it. However, it was the next day "when all emotional hell broke loose". It's strange how we all deal with death. We just need to stick together through this grieving process, but it does not come with a manual. Hugs to all of you - Lisa

Comment by Janet Eccles-Scheffel on December 27, 2011 at 10:00pm

KT - I have always used humor to handle pain of any kind (physical of psychological). I was not with my mom when she passed and when I had to bring clothes and such to the mortuary the next day I INSISTED on seeing her. The undertaker was kind enough to bring her up to a place that I could go say a private goodbye. Afterwards I joked with my brother about how pissed mom would b e because she had just had her hair done and they had it all combed off her face. We laughed until tears ran down our face.

Comment by Sandra Nichols on December 26, 2011 at 7:50pm

Lisa, yes it is getting harder for me as the time goes on. The first 3 weeks I was just numb. Now it's getting worse. I've been reading that this is normal and the HARDEST time is afterwards for a couple of years. I go into my mom's room and talk to her sometimes. I just hope there comes a time when we all will feel better.

Comment by K.T on December 26, 2011 at 7:47pm

Totally understand Lisa. In the mortuary when family and friends were visiting to pay their respects the day my Mum died, my sister and I were actually chatting and giggling. People didn't realise that we had been taking care of her for a long time and had also been sleep deprived in the 12 days leading up to her passing, just sat by her bedside trying to comfort her. That day we giggled and chatted because that was our body's way of dealing with it because the pain was too much to handle... people looked at us disgusted and confused, but you don't realise how bizarre grieving is until you go through it yourself...

Comment by Lisa Gladieux on December 26, 2011 at 7:16pm

Like many of you, my mom was my best friend...my rock as well. I think I have a brick wall up that is keeping me from facing my true feelings. They were so raw the 3 days after her death, that I think I turned them off. Sadly, this gives people the facade notion that I'm "over" my mom. SO FAR from the truth. I felt alone yesterday even though I was surrounded by my family. My mom should have been there! I'm trying to be strong, but life really sucks right now. Thanks for listening. Hugs, Lisa

Comment by K.T on December 26, 2011 at 6:59pm

Hi all,

Elaine, you are so right. Not all mothers are good, yet we are all very lucky to have had such wonderful women loving us. So much so, that now we don't know how to fill up that massive hole where their love used to be.

And Sue, I also know what you mean and how you are feeling, sometimes I feel like shouting at people myself! My Mum was my best friend, my rock. My relationship with my father has been difficult to say the least. One night I was driving round after work, I just couldn't face going home yet, and all of a sudden it hit me, I suddenly felt parentless, like an orphan as you mentioned. It hit me like a truck and I cried all the way home, feeling lost and alone, with no one to take care of me for the first time in my life - Kelly

Comment by Kevin Velez on December 26, 2011 at 2:27pm

Elaine, I cherish and honor your words.  they are true and resonate with me.  I would say it resonated with many of us.  It hurts though.  i thought being with my family would help.  it did.  it mean a lot to be around those that loved the same woman.  We all share a pleasant perspective of our mom that we're not aware or and that is amazing.  All my siblings say mom was great.  great at what?  what a conversation starter that is!  Love is greater than "I love someone."  Did you get to know them?  Did you get to share activities/ I realize I got to know my  mom through my own lenses.  to know my mom from my perspective I wouldn't trade with anyone. I would like to know my mom from others' perspectives.  Yesterday was hard.  Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays.  It's hard to be without our mom or those love but peace to us all.  -Kevin

Comment by Lisa Gladieux on December 26, 2011 at 11:53am

Sue- I'm sorry you're day wasn't the greatest. Christmas went better than I thought, but I had the love and support of my aunts, uncles & cousins. However, I'll be the first to admit that I'm glad the day is over. Hang in there girl, you're doing good. Keep breathing and staying in touch. Hugs, Lisa

Comment by Sue Waxman on December 26, 2011 at 11:02am

Hello..day after Christmas. I fell back asleep this morning and woke up with a jolt with mothers face in my mind. I wanted to cry and feel sad. I jumped up and took my shower and I just have to get out of the house. I am so depressed today. But I will muddle through another day without family. Without you all...I would be in such a bad state. I always know I can count on you. Mercy...I tried to reach you..we keep missing eachother on the phone. I hate that we could not connect Mercy when you reached out in your emptiness on Christmas. I went to my neighbors for a dinner at 1pm. They have a big family and they are so down to earth and lovely. Then went to my boss/friend Brendas for dinner number 2. I wanted to tell them all - do you honestly KNOW how lucky (and lucky came into mind) as well as blessed that YOU have these people sitting around your table???? I was surrounded by so many people and yet I fetl so ALONE. Horrible to be alone in this gigantic world. Got home, made myself a martinti and watched some TV. Ate every Christmas Cookie that I received. I don't even like sweets much. My dysfunctional and estranged sisters Syd (the so called Christian in the family) and Stacey (the sex equals they love me) sister - I prayed for them to have a blessed Christmas. I guess I am walking the talk of replacing hate with love. Accepting the Lord as my savior when mom's ashes were placed in the ground in Michigan was a vow I intend to keep inspite of the negative ones in my family who are just not good people. I guess we could all write about the people in our families that have hurt us deeply. I feel angry and sad today. I feel like an orphan. I want to hug all of you guys right now. I want my mother. Life is one strange and quite honestly PAINFUL experience. I'm going to a movie. I love you guys very much. Love Sue

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