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Comment by mercy on January 7, 2012 at 1:03pm

Lisa, Elaine and others. I had a rough time this past holiday. It’s been very hard to sleep too even while taking the strongest prescription pills my doctor would prescribe. I’m missing mom now more than ever. I have a twenty six month old and I love her to death. I also love mom and miss her so much. I have conflicting feelings of wanting to be here to raise her, while also wanting to be with my mom. I feel that if God takes me home, she’s still young enough to recover from the loss, she has a loving dad and our extended family loves her so much. I keep begging mom to ask Jesus to take me home. I don’t feel like am any good to anyone living such a miserable life. I know this is painful to say but it’s really what I feel. I hope we all find some peace soon.

Comment by Lisa Gladieux on January 7, 2012 at 8:13am

Elaine, funny you write that because I feel the same way about death. While I don't fear it, I don't want to experience it anytime soon. I have a young daughter and I don't want her to ever be alone or experience the intense sadness I felt after the death of my mom. While I still miss my mom, I am no longer grieving (it's just not healthy) and I feel my mom raised me to be stronger than that. However, everyone experiences grief differently. Strange thing about death...I think about it more often. Hugs to you all, Lisa

Comment by Alice on January 5, 2012 at 11:16am

About three months ago I lost my mom to cancer.  She had been sick for a while but didnt want me to know since I live and go to school fairly far away from home.  She didnt want me to have to leave school and work and feel the need to come home.  The first two months after her death I was dealing with my pain by keeping myself very busy with school and work and almost pretending that she was still at home alive.  Then a few weeks ago I had to go back home for the holidays and then everything came back to me all at once.  The realization that she was no longer here in this world with me and that I not only have to go through the holidays without her but also every celebration and event in my life that follows.  I am now back at work and my life away from home after the holidays and I feel so much pain right now.  More pain then I did before the holidays.  Everyday I think of how I wish she was jsut a phone call away.  I miss her so much and feel so much weight on my heart right now and just wish it would get better soon.

Comment by mercy on January 4, 2012 at 3:53pm

I can relate to all of the feelings you all are expressing. The holidays shifted my anger and shock to utter sadness and depression. I feel so empty and numb, it takes so much energy just to get out of bed, come to work, care for my daughter. It’s so hard that most people cannot understand what we are going through and expect us to be ok. I fake being ok until am in the privacy of my own home. I miss mom terribly and would have gladly given up twenty years of my life to have her for two or three extra years. I just pray that we can all find some comfort soon.

Comment by Ashlee on January 3, 2012 at 7:00pm

My mom was 43 when she passed away from stage 4 lung cancer, with mets.  (July 2011) I'm not sure why people tend to think "things happen for a reason," because to this date, I still don't understand this reason. As my mom laid on the emergency stretcher, she gave us the thumbs up. I'm assuming this was her telling us that we were going to be okay without her. But  lately, I haven't been okay without her. I'm not sure if it's because of the holidays, but things are starting to feel "realistic." When she passed away, I would describe my feelings as "numb." It seemed like she was gone, but not forever. With the holidays coming and going, I missed her presence the most. I think about her everyday. I think about how I wished our relationship was better, things I wish I could have said/done. But now I can't do those things.  

 I feel like such a negative person now, it's hard finding the positive things in life.

Comment by K.T on January 3, 2012 at 6:09pm

I know what you mean Linda :( My Mum was only 52 - it just really isn't fair.

Comment by Linda on January 3, 2012 at 5:53pm

Thanks Laura... I am trying to put my life back together but I can't seem to be doing that very well. I cry at the drop of a hat and I miss her so much. My momma just turned 65 nov 29th and past away dec 8th. It makes me very angry that she died young and I don't have the time others have with their moms

Comment by K.T on January 3, 2012 at 5:44pm

It's now my Mum's birthday, and although I was waiting for it, it still hits me that it's the first time in my life I haven't celebrated her birthday.

Tracy, it's nice that you can hear her voice that way. I don't have any way to hear my Mum any more. What I like to do sometimes is write her emails. Even though it's been months now, there is still always that little part of me that expects a reply. Feeling very low tonight :(

Comment by K.T on January 3, 2012 at 6:50am

Sorry for your loss Laura, but although it is difficult right now, please feel grateful for the fact that your Mum lived till an old age and didn't have to suffer for a long time.

I'm only 20 and just lost my mother and not only have I been robbed of my best friend, I will also not have my Mum with me when I get married, or have children, or any other day of my life. I too imagined caring for her when she was old and frail, never imagined it would be so soon.

So although you are in pain now, I hope in time you will see that you've had your Mum there for you through a lot, and you are lucky it was unexpected and you didn't have to care for her for years, something which she wouldn't have wanted either I'm sure. Hang in there and remeber all the great times you must have had with her over the years, that's the only thing you can do now.

Hugs,

Kelly. 

Comment by Laura Krause on January 3, 2012 at 6:07am

Linda- I know just how you feel. I miss my mom so much. We lived near each other and i saw her almot every day. Sometimes it just hits me, taking my breath away, that my mom is dead. It was totally unexpected. I always assumed that as my mom got older I would care for her, like I did my grandmother. She lived to be 94, Mom was only 73. I feel like I got robbed of 20 years that I should have had to spend with my mom. I knew this holiday season would be difficult and it was and still is. I read your posts and cried and cried. I have 2 daughters and we have always been close, like mom n me. They were close to Grandma too, my 26 year olddaughter had been living with grandma for the past 2 years. So it has been very hard for her.But we're each trying to deal with our pain and loss in our own way and it sems as if were constantly arguing. Hopefully it will get better. I sincerely hope things are going as well as can be expected for you. Hang in there and take care.  Laura Krause

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