Comment

Comment by Jenny G on February 21, 2012 at 1:12pm

I'm tired of the ups and downs, I just want the sadness to go away

Comment by Sue Waxman on February 21, 2012 at 12:08pm

Mercy,

I understand exactly what you are saying. I find very little joy in life anymore. Just work, work, work and go home and have a cocktail and go to bed. I feel just so alone and want my mother back so very much. My purpose has changed from being moms girl to being just Sue. Dating is just a place I don't go. Why deal the drama all of that brings. I know it is hard with a child to go on and live. But you have got to figure out how. Just as your mother and you had a blessed and loving relationship, you child deserves the same from you. Every day we live brings us closer to the day we will be granted death. How sad that is when so many people are clinging to life that want to live...and I feel so much like wanting to exit this world. Sue

Comment by mercy on February 21, 2012 at 11:38am

Kris, being the youngest, my oldest sister is also trying to take moms place. She means well and cares for me so much but by no means can she ever take moms place. She even wants my to go live in her guest house so I can be geographically closer to her. I'm very independent so I could never take her up on that offer.

Comment by mercy on February 21, 2012 at 11:32am

Thanks ladies for your responses. Its so good to know I can come here and get my feelings validated. I hate to burden my family and friends with my grief, but then again, I don't want them to assume am ok so every once in a while, I'll remind them how I feel, only to regret it later. This crazy feeling is not something I ever anticipated. How can I hate life so much when I have a sweet two year old who needs me to be around for her?

Comment by Kris Baclawski on February 21, 2012 at 8:45am

Hi Mercy, Sarah, and anyone else feeling "crazy":

Mercy wrote:   I don't know if the days am doing well are just days I'm in denial or is it for real that I'm doing well? ...  I hate feeling so weak and needy, I wish I was stronger.

It was 8 months ago yesterday that I lost my mom--and I have experienced the ups, downs, feelings of weakness and denial.  My mom's passing came at a time when I was entering menopause so it's difficult to know what was triggered my mood swings.  Having to accept that I was not going to have children myself  and losing my mom at the same time was difficult.   I would neither be a mother, nor  have my mother.  I lost one of my best friends.  My older sister has made some attempts to "take Mom's place" however our relationship has never been as "friendly" as that of my mom and me.

I have come to realize that I'm redefining myself.   And even though at times, I do feel lost, confused, abandoned, etc., I realize that I am a strong individual.  My loss along with the other significant losses of my life (and I've had my share) have helped to make more compassionate towards others.  The times of loss and confusion come in occasional waves but are not constant.  Some days are better than others.   And, of course, I believe I will see Mom again.

Hope this helps,

Kris

Comment by MSB on February 20, 2012 at 4:32pm

My Grandmother on my mom's side died on March 18 too. My mother always hated that month no matter how many years had passed.

 

Comment by MSB on February 19, 2012 at 10:38pm

It is funny that you posted that. I did have a decent weekend and i was wondering how I did that. Then a few days later it is back to the crazy thought s again. I guess wer aren't crazy, just missing our moms.

Comment by sarah schlachter on February 19, 2012 at 6:08pm

I understand the crazy part..and not ta8lking to friends because they think just because I want no part of a world were my mom doesn't exist does not mean I want to jump of a bridge..well at least it doesn't mean I will do it..

Comment by mercy on February 19, 2012 at 4:29pm

I miss mom so much, its two steps forward, three steps back. I feel like am crazy, I don't know if the days am doing well are just days I'm in denial or is it for real that I'm doing well? I had promised myself not to share my grief with friends anymore but this morning I sent out a disturbing text message and now they all think I'll do something to harm myself. I hate feeling so weak and needy, I wish I was stronger.

Comment by MSB on February 17, 2012 at 4:29pm

Hugs to you Sarah, I say the same thing to myself. How do I go on living in theis world without my mom? Yet, Each day i find the strength and do my best. Hang in there, it is so hard.

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