Comment

Comment by Ann on July 15, 2012 at 5:57pm

Feeling alone when you are in a crowd of people is very natural.  There was no one there who "loves" you.  Friends are wonderful, family is a blessing (I have no family) but if you are fortunate enough to have a mother who truly loves you there is no other love like that.  How can we live without it?  Sometimes I don't think I can.

Comment by Mary on July 14, 2012 at 10:31am

I am glad you went to the reunion Brette, but am sorry you felt alone. Most times people just don't know what to say, but at least they say something.  All my friends and family act as if nothing happened and it bothers me more then them saying they are so sorry or how am I. Every special occasion will be hard, just know she's there in spirit. I'm sorry for your loss.  I lost my dad in 2004 and mom March 22, 2012.

Comment by Brette Stinson on July 14, 2012 at 7:42am

My mothers birthday was july 10, 2012 and I tried to stay as busy as possible because I did not want to deal with the hurt. It was so hard waking up and noticing my mother was not there for me to say happy birthday.

Comment by Brette Stinson on July 13, 2012 at 6:20pm

Hello,

It's been a while since I have been on here but I just wanted to share my experience over the weekend. First of all I would like to give everyone a piece of who I am and who I have lost. I am a 26 year old orphan. I lost my biological father in 2002 and then my mother married again and I lost my stepfather in 2011 and then my mother on March 17, 2012. I was my mother's everything and she was the same to me. I feel lonely, lost and just unequipped for most of life situations that I would consult with my mom about.  Last weekend was the family reunion on my mothers side of the family.  I was a little apprehensive about going but I went.  It was nice to see people I hadnt seen in a while but I felt alone in a crowded place which was odd.  It seems that everybody had their mothers or fathers but I had no one. I got tired of people telling me I am so sorry for your lost. I wanted cry. So, I did not go to any other family festivities. I was so sad the whole time I was out of town and just wanted to come back home. Everytime I go to her hometown I can see her as a teenager walking around playing or skipping around the old family house. I just miss her so much I feel like I can't function without her around. Looking at the groups I can belong to a lot of them. Thank you for reading!

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 7, 2012 at 10:16am

Mary - you are so right.  I don't know how God stays so patient with us.  I'm glad he does though.   Thank you for your kind note.

Comment by Mary on July 6, 2012 at 10:10am

Storyas- I enjoyed all your responses, never apologize for them because I believe they help each of is struggling with grief.  I am sorry you had to go through the loss of both your parents like that.  I was not there when my mother passes away, I knew that the time was near and I had every intention of staying, but my daughter called and had been in a car accident and needed me to come so I told my mom I loved her and would be back.  That was around 7:30 PM.  By the time everything was taken care of with my daughter it was near 10PM so I figured I would get something to eat, rest a minute and then go back to be with mom.  They called at 10:40 to tell me she had passed away.  I was devastated that I was not there when she passed away but the counselor and her priest told me that she probably did not want me to be there when she passed.  I think your dad may have said he did not want you to leave, but I like to believe that God has us where we need to be when things happen even though we may not understand his reasoning.  I wish I knew why we are always skeptical even though we get answers, kinda makes you think God is probably bald-pulling his hair out over us just not believing even though he sends us signs all the time.  Faith and Trust are hard!

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 6, 2012 at 9:19am

Mary and Sandee - so many signs yet we are taught by our culture to be skeptical.  I once went to my parents grave and begged them to let me know they were okay, and that night my phone rang from my dad again.  Why do we have such a hard time believing no matter how much they try to let us know they are okay.  My mom came to me in a dream a couple of days after she died and told me she was feeling much better now.  Do we not believe we are worthy as humans for a heaven?  Are we taught to be skeptical?  Are we too rooted here?  I'll stop answering now.  I've sent a lot of messages this morning.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 6, 2012 at 9:16am

Mary - thank you for the red balloon story.  I had similar experiences.  Right before my dad died, he told me that he was going to send me a bull dog - white with black spots.  He told me about the dogs history and personality too.  Two days after he died, a bulldog mix just fell in my lap almost literally, and now he is my pet.  And, he is everything my dad said he would be.  And, he sent me rainbows that were where I was and where my niece was in another city at the same time - double rainbows.  So, why do I still worry?  I'm glad you got your red balloon.  There is a lovely person on the Dad website named jb who had balloon experiences too - every time she takes balloons to her dad's grave, they immediately pop.  Thank you for sharing your story.

TO EVERYONE ELSE:  I'M SORRY I'M ANSWERING SO MANY EMAILS AT ONCE AND DOING THEM ONE AT A TIME.  I CAN'T WRAP MY HEAD AROUND ALL OF THEM RIGHT NOW, SO I HAVE TO DO THEM ONE AT A TIME.  I HAD A DREAM ABOUT MY DAD LAST NIGHT THAT HAS ME A BIT OUT OF IT THIS MORNING.  I'M SORRY IF ALL THESE EMAILS ARE A BOTHER TO ANYONE.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 6, 2012 at 9:12am

Sandee love - i know just how you feel - I want to know for sure, really for sure, that my mom and dad both are okay.  They've sent me signs, but it's like I won't be satisfied until I have a notorized letter or something.  I understand what you said about the passage of time - it just reinforces how real it is, yet no matter how much time passes I can't believe that much time has passed and it really is this different.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 6, 2012 at 9:09am

Mary Norris - I'm sorry I haven't been on for a few days to respond to you sooner.  I'm sorry you lost your Mom.  It has been a very short time for you, so I'm sure you are in a lot of pain and your symptoms of grief are very intense.  I lost my father last April, 2011, and by July I was still drowning in grief.  Just please keep coming back and talking to us.  It does get better with time.

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