Comment

Comment by Mary on July 29, 2012 at 7:14pm

Ann-EVERY individual has a purpose, otherwise you would not be on this earth and I know for a fact that NO mom would EVER want their child to end their own life because of them.  You are breathing still because you still have a purpose here on earth-I DO believe in soul mates-but I also believe that in order to find your soul mate you must believe that they are out there and be open-I met my soul mate 27 years ago and I was NOT looking and I had reached a point I thought I would NEVER find anyone let alone my soul mate.  Use the folks on this forum as support, find a local support group, talk to a minister, any or all of these, but please don't ever consider ending your own life.  I lost my mom just 4 months ago and like you she was my mom, best friend, my rock-but I know no matter what, she would never want me to hurt so bad I felt the only answer was to leave this earth before my time and join her.

Comment by Ann on July 29, 2012 at 9:59am

If you were so close to your mom that she was your mom, your sister, your best friend, your entire family, when she dies, you have lost everything.  And yes, you don't want to go on because each day forward takes you further away from her.  My mom died March 18, 2011. Why I am still breathing I don't know.  I don't feel that everyone has a purpose just like there are't soul mates, destiny, all of those things that I have heard of but never experienced.  Maybe I will have the courage to leave this earth one day.  I don't see how ending a life with no meaning, no love, no joy, no purpose is a crime.  It seems pretty logical to me.

Comment by Mary on July 27, 2012 at 11:17pm

Sandee- sorry u are going through a tough time.  Don't drink too much, but a drink every now and then helps relieve the tension.  I know how it feels, I keep finding things of my moms that remind me of her and want to keep them all but can't.  Who is that cute little one in your picture?

Comment by sandee love on July 27, 2012 at 10:11pm

hi all.  i am down.my sis sent me a few of my moms clothing which  i am grateful for but it just about did  me in.  i have been drinking & want to check out  just venting

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 26, 2012 at 11:54pm

Marlene - you do get to a point where life is more tolerable.  Please believe me on that.  It will give you hope.  It has only been a few months since you lost your mom.  At six or seven months after loosing my mom, it seemed like it hurt worse.  At first, I went a bit numb.  Then, at about the length of time into the grieving that you are now, the pain really pushed through the numbness and kicked my butt for a while.  Then, I slowly began to feel better.  It takes a while though.  I'm not going to lie to you only because if I lie and say it will be over in a month and it's not, then you will loose hope and stop believing it will get better.  It took me two years after my mom died to loosen up enough that I realized I was breathing.  I still remember the shock the first time I became aware that I had just taken a breath.  It took me three years to get to the point where I could do some things that brought joy to my life without her, because I had most always done those things with her.  My dad died recently and that is what led me to this group, but I have come over to this I Miss My Mom group to talk too, because I still miss her and still long for it to be the way it was when she was alive.  But, I can be honest that after a few years the pain is much less and I am enjoying life again - not as fully as when I had her to share it with, but I am enjoying life again, and it continues to get a bit better all the time.  It does get better.  It comes at different speeds for different people.  You may feel much better at one year.  It may happen faster for you than me.  I don't know how long it will take.  It may take only a few months longer or it may take a year longer - just know that however long it takes that it is still temporary and you will feel much better soon.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 26, 2012 at 11:49pm

Arial - I am so sorry you lost your mother.  You sound as if you are quite young, and I think that would make it harder.  I lost my mom when I was 42.  If I'd lost her when I was in my 20's - I don't even want to think about it.  Even though I was older when I lost my mom, I still feel what Sue said - you have to get to a comfortable place in your mind with where you are now.  I'm just now getting there.  I've been forgetting the current life and longing for how it used to be all this time.  Only a couple of nights ago I had a dream where I was at my parent's house helping them pack their stuff to move on, and then I realized that God was helping me to let them go.  It's been a little easier since then.  But, all this time I have wanted to deny what my life is now and have back the one I lost when I lost my parents.  It's hard to let go of a past that we loved so much we never wanted it to change.  Heck, it's hard to let go of any past that made an impact on us.  My dad was severely abused as a child and even though he was glad the abuse was over, he struggled his whole life with letting go of that past.  It always haunted him.  So, how much more is a past we didn't want to let go of going to haunt us.  It's scary and it hurts like heck to move into a future we didn't want, because it meant giving up a past we did want.  It is okay to say you want your Mommy.  It is okay to write it here.  I say it, and I'm well into my adult years.  I said it just a few weeks ago.  All that you are feeling is normal.  You will never completely get over it and you will never be the same (just like we are never the same after any new experience changes us), but the pain does slowly go away and get replaced with good memories of the time you had together.  So, please hold onto the hope that it does get better.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 26, 2012 at 11:43pm

Sue, I am sorry that you continue to hurt so badly.  I am also sorry that your father treated you all so hatefully.  Maybe you have a hard time with your sisters, because they inherited whatever was in him that made him that way.  I had to separate myself from my brothers, and I thank Brenda Ann from this group for our private conversations that have finally given me the courage to say that here, because I finally said it to her last week and stopped keeping this secret.  They abused me all of my life.  And, like typical abusers, they charmed those they were not abusing so that their victims would never be believed.  Finally, in the end, they pushed their game too far and got caught.  They attacked the pastor of my family's church, and then the whole church saw what they were like. Then, they abused my dad so bad that his story ended up in the newspaper after Adult Protective Services took him away from them and gave him to me.  So, I felt like I not only lost my parents but my brothers as well, although loosing my brothers has been a relief instead of a source of pain.  If they aren't in my life it is harder for them to hurt me.  They still hurt me by spreading lies about me that people still believe even after the story of them abusing my dad was in the newspaper where everyone could see it.  People are so naive.  But, the point is the same for me as it is for you - we might have had it harder by doing the right thing and taking care of our parents and standing by them, etc. - but we also have all the joy of the love that allowed us to take care of them. Your sisters and my brothers missed out on that.  We were very lucky to have shared that love.

Comment by MSB on July 26, 2012 at 10:46pm

My mom passed awat December 12, 2011. Lately it has gotten worse to go on without her. I cry almost everyday and I am having less good days. Some days, i just want to be with her. I feel so lost and alone. Does it really ever get to a point that life without my mother can be more tolerable?

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 26, 2012 at 9:20pm

Lynda, I'm so sorry you lost your mom, and I'm sorry that the last few hours of her life were so trying for you.  I know how you feel.  When my dad died, I left the night he died and was not with him.  I have hypoglycemia and was getting sick, so I had to go eat.  I asked him if he mind if I left, and I thought he said he didn't want me to, but wasn't sure.  But, I had to leave.  I kissed him and told him I loved him and I would be back the next morning.  I planned to get back at 6AM.  He died around 4:30AM.  I never saw him again.  For months I tortured myself with the memory of what I thought he said.  Finally, with time, I began to heal.  Time does make it better.  I won't lie, it took about a year to get over just that one piece of it, but the good news is that it wasn't the same intensity of suffering for a year and then all of a sudden it got better.  The good news is it got a little better each day, so month 1 was easier than when it first happened, month 2 was easier than month 1.  Those guilts and doubting are common for grief, but they do get better with time.

Comment by Ariel Van Kirk on July 25, 2012 at 4:18pm

Thank you guys.  This place is kind of a god send, it's really comforting to talk to people who are going through this.  It scares me to think it'll never stop being what it is.  My roommate is going to have a baby tomorrow, it's so surreal.  I'm grieving a loss and celebrating a birth.  Its hard to figure out which way is up at the moment.  

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