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Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 2, 2012 at 10:15pm

I never heard about pancreatitis and pancreatic cancer until my mom mentioned it. She was a nurse so she kind of knew what she was talking about, but didn't tell me how severe it was. For a couple of months, my mom went to the doctor complaining about it, but the doctor never said anything. Then finally the doctor at the hospital diagnosed her with it and sent her home. The next morning, she went into a coma, and passed away three weeks later. I miss her more than anything in this world!:/

Comment by Judy on September 2, 2012 at 10:00pm

I'm so sorry, Jayne. That's the second "out-of-nowhere" pancreatic cancer story I've heard in three days. It's so hard when they are taken out of the blue like that...

My mother was still so full of life, even at 86. Looking at all of her things reminds me of how much fun she was and how elegantly she presented herself -- disguising her very wicked wit! I feel for you having to go through your mother's things. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Her jewelry is especially "alive," and I brought home the last blouse she ever wore because it still smells like her. I wish you strength.

Comment by Jayne on September 2, 2012 at 9:14pm

Hi Judy, I am going tomorrow to see my dad and look through my moms things. It is so depressing and I am so sad. It is so difficult to accept she is gone. my mom was a vibrant beautiful woman who out of nowhere got Pancreatic Cancer.

Comment by Judy on September 2, 2012 at 8:44pm

My computer croaked, and then I was gone for a week to be with my father. I'm just now catching up on everyone's comments. It seems we are all in the same boat -- lots of anniversary issues. I have to do my first birthday without her (the 13th), and then her birthday is in October... I have been going through her clothes and jewelry each time I visit my father. It's just brutal. How amazing that any of us can carry on at all, being in such pain.

I was so tired after I'd gone through most of her closet that I thought a bath in her tub (a Jacuzzi!) would feel good. Bad idea. All I could see in my mind was when I would go into the bathroom and wash her back for her. I think I cried enough to fill the tub without adding water.

Comment by Mark on September 2, 2012 at 2:13am

I haven't commented in a while.  I'm sure there are a few like me who find it very intense when you visit the boards or come to this site because I work so hard at pushing down the pain and agony of the loss.  When I'm on the site some times it's too hard too hard to deal with.  I did want to say hi to Tim L and thanks for the email.  I'm doing ok I guess.  It's been 8 months now and a part of me is still in shock she's gone.  On July 21st I got a call from one of my moms friends saying she thought of me that day because that's the day we found out she was terminal.  Not exactly a day I'd like to be reminded of.  I'm still mad at God but he gets it.  So if you do pray please keep me in your thoughts.  I have dreaded September.  Moms bday is this month.  I'm trying to prepare.  I've learned thats the best approach for events like that and similar.  I thought for some stupid reason I'd be ok with mothers day and boy was I wrong. So, lesson learned.  Be prepared.  Ann,  I get that void feeling about all those "special moments" gone forever.  Mom passed 10 days before last christmas.  Gut wrenching when the day arrived to really realize how empty that would all be and it will be never ending.  I'm still asking why am I continuing on with life.  It's like we are forced to make an alternate life of lies from here on out and call it our new happiness when way down deep inside in an area I don't even know where it's at but it's the one you cry from, you are aware the happiness is forever gone no matter how hard you try.

Comment by Ann on September 2, 2012 at 1:00am

I turned 60 in August.  Like last year, I spent the day alone.  Years will now pass with no celebrations, no acknowledgement of birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day...they are now just all days, one the same as the other.

Comment by Jayne on September 2, 2012 at 12:05am

I am dreading every event without my mom, so I feel for you aimie and sandee love. It is so hard and the pain is so there. I feel so sad.

Comment by sandee love on September 1, 2012 at 11:27pm

HI AMIE, i too had my 1st birthday on earth without my dear mom.  it is so hard.  the world seems so different  without her being here.  i have got to believe that  she is in Heaven or i will go absolutely nuts!

Comment by Amie on August 28, 2012 at 1:03pm

I celebrated my first birthday without my mom on Saturday. I hadn't given much thought to it, but when the day came I was devastated. My heart felt so heavy and I spent the day in tears. For the first time in my life I realized that this wasn't my day...it was our day. Many years ago, on August 25th, we were bonded together for eternity. In the days since I have been overcome by loneliness and sadness. My heart feels so heavy.

Comment by Jayne on August 25, 2012 at 7:10pm

Mary, I feel like you hurting and full of pain. I am trying to think of all the good times she had with my whole family and how she looked forward to being with us and that is helping. I hope that it helps you.

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