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Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 10, 2012 at 8:33am

Exactly, everyone else was having a little faith, and I was hoping that I was wrong but I wasn't! Oh yes, she was very serious about it, she couldn't it down every year, all excited and everything. I try to remind myself that she is up there with the 'Bear' now, having a ball!

Damir, I totally understand that. I would like to have some relationships though, but if I have to fake how I'm doing, then it's not even worth it. I have my mom's dog, I guess that's all I need right now!

Comment by Judy on September 10, 2012 at 1:04am

I think we just sort of "know" stuff when we're dealing so initimately with someone we love -- especially our mothers. I "knew" my mother wouldn't be coming home the night before they told us we should remove life support.

Alabama, huh? Wow, that's hard-core! Those are some very serious fans, and for good reason! I watch some college football. Now I'll think of you and your mom during the LSU/'bama game -- always a big one. Who knows? Maybe they've got cable in the great beyond & your mom has rounded up some fans to cheer with.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 9, 2012 at 9:47pm

It's crazy, because she has been an Alabama fan since she was 12..never missed a game, even when I was born, and when she went into a coma on the 9th(the day that the national championship game was played) I knew in my heart, she wasn't coming out of that coma. I know I shouldn't have based that on a game but that's how it went.

Comment by Judy on September 9, 2012 at 9:42pm

My mother was a rabid football fan, too Jennifer. She loved the Cowboys from way-back-when, before they became obnoxious. The last photo of my always-elegant mother was, incongruously, in a Cowboys t-shirt she'd requested for Christmas. I can't seem to even watch the games because I know how excited she'd get about them, and all of that is gone now. I understand how you feel.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 9, 2012 at 8:47pm

Judy, that's very true! I think I take a lot of things personal, I have to realize that not everyone is like me..they have different comfort zones! It will be hard, football season is like a huge holiday for me because my mom loved football more than any holiday out there..it's been difficult! I miss seeing her get so excited and preparing for the game!

Karen, that's me as well. She is all I want to talk about most of the time(depending on whose around). Thankful for my therapist because I don't know where I'd be at right now, if I didn't!

Comment by Karen K on September 9, 2012 at 8:27pm

I wished I had someone at home to talk to. I find when I have spent time with friends, that really all I want to do (tho I have to control the need) is to talk about my mom. Prob cuz that's all I think about.

 

Comment by Judy on September 9, 2012 at 7:52pm

I find it odd that I have to pretend around my father, who is really devastated. But he has never been one to show his emotions (although we have shared some difficult times during & after Mother's passing), and trying to talk about her with him makes him very uneasy. So, we just talk a lot about nothing. I have to respect his comfort zone. By myself, it's a different story. Sundays are awful, and soon there is a string of anniversary-type dates coming up. It's just so hard; I feel for everyone who is posting here... I can totally understand the need to avoid constant mental breakdown, Damir. You are right; it's about survival.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 9, 2012 at 6:38pm

Ann, thank you so much!!

Damir, I totally understand! I'm on my mom's social security so I don't have a job right now, but I do understand that that's what you have to do to survive. I was just talking about people in general, like my family..I usually have to 'pretend' that everything is great, when it's not!

Comment by Ann on September 9, 2012 at 5:11pm

Jennifer, your mom was so pretty, just like mine.  Pretty inside and out.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on September 9, 2012 at 3:32pm

Mark, it's so rough just to get through the day. I look forward to night time, just so I can go to sleep..that seems to be the only time where I don't feel any pain! It's very exhausting to do daily activities and keep up with the house..I've thought about taking me own life as well, in fact, it's a daily thought. I keep looking at Toby(mom's dog) and I promised her that if anything ever happened to her, then I would take care of him. And that's my goal(only goal) right now. I know exactly what you mean about not answering the phone or door to anyone, I usually don't answer the phone unless they keep calling, then I find myself making up some excuse as to why I didn't answer the first couple of times. It sucks that people want us to be honest about how things are, but when tell the truth, they don't like it.

Ann, I know exactly what you mean. My birthday(even though it's not a holiday) is in October and then Thanksgiving..those were the two days that I was guarenteed with my mom. She was a nurse so she worked 5 days a week, up to 14 hours a day, but she always took off on those two days..I dread it more than anything in this world! I don't look forward to them either, I used to love Christmas and we were suppose to go look at the lights this year..I just want to skip over it!

Anna, I'm to that point as well. I'd rather just be alone, than to have to fake everything. I'm tired of trying to keep friendships that just want me to suck it up and move on.. it's too exhausting!

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