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Comment by Judy on November 18, 2012 at 3:13am

Oh, Heather! You are still a walking open wound. A loss that sudden is a killer. It just hurts so bad, like your heart is shattered into a million pieces. You'll be able to coordinate everything; I had to do the same thing, and I don't know how I ever got it done. But something just takes over, so you'll manage. It's the part after all of that is done that's so brutal. I hope you keep posting here so we can know how you're doing.

Comment by michael sandoval on November 18, 2012 at 1:49am

Dear Heather,

My deepest condolences.  I know you are devastated.  Our moms are such special people.  I lost my mom just over six weeks ago and I know how you feel.  it wasn't as sudden as your mom, but it was quick and she's gone.  My mommy is gone, and now i'm here taking care of my Dad.  they were married 61 years.  and when i see him get sad and wipe tears, that is more than I can take.  I always break down and cry.  but i cry a lot anyway.  I want my mom back so bad.  I want to talk to her again, give her a kiss and tell her how much i love her and how much she means to me and hear her voice and see her face...

Comment by Mary on November 17, 2012 at 9:06pm

Heather, I am so very sorry for your loss.  I wish there were words to say to comfort you.  You will mourn and grieve for a long time and you will want her back forever.  Know this, you are not alone, we here have all been through the loss and are here to help, to listen, to comfort.

Comment by Heather Hughes on November 17, 2012 at 7:42pm

It's been one week and one day since my mom passed away. Sudden doesn't even seem to explain what happened. We were having a conversation in our kitchen and she turned around to go to her room and then she was gone. My mom is gone. My mommy isn't here anymore and I still can't believe it. I tried CPR but nothing....they told me it was an embolism and there was nothing I could have done, she was gone before she hit the floor but that doesn't help. I want my mom here....now. I have to be the head of my family and coordinate everything...helping my siblings get through this and I haven't had time to fully just sit down and mourn for my mom. I miss her........I want her back.

Comment by Judy on November 16, 2012 at 11:39pm

Thanks for the poem, Sonia. It's perfect. I would most definitely like "to mourn no more," and I know my mother wishes the same. I guess grief just takes its time with us, has its own time-table.

I am so terribly sorry about the image you have burned into your brain. Dear God, that one is just terrible. I wish I had some helpful advice for you, but I think it's just something we have to go through. I think your friend is right; eventually, we'll be able to tolerate the pain more easily than we can now. Seems impossible!

Comment by Sonia Skipper Protheroe on November 16, 2012 at 11:02am

Author: Unknown

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you -
No one can ever know.

But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today~
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.

Comment by Sonia Skipper Protheroe on November 16, 2012 at 11:00am

judy, i am sorry for your loss. I too can't get the images out of my head. to see my moms lifeless body lying on the couch is the most prominant in my head. Then to have all of her last wishes on my shoulders, i don't really know how i made it through those few days, oh wait i was doped up on prescription drugs that my psych doc told me to take. for some of us this will be the first holidays without our moms. i don't feel like celebrating anything. the only reason i will is for my daughter who is 7 years old. it will be 5 months on the 27th of this month since my mom passed. That day will forever be burned into my head. I talked to a friend who's mom passed 2 years before my mom and she said something that helped me out. she said" i don't want to say that it gets easier it just gets more tolerable" we learn to adapt to the fact that our mothers are no longer with us. for some its an easy adaption but for others it takes much longer. I am the latter of the two. If it wasn't for my medication i would be a shell of a person. don't get me wrong i am always thinking of my mom but i don't cry as much when i am on my meds.

Comment by Judy on November 15, 2012 at 1:08am

I understand, Mark. Mother died 6 months ago today (the 15th). I have been a total mess. I just cannot get those last images of her -- when they pulled life support & when we saw her after she passed the next day -- out of my brain. I know she wouldn't want me to remember her like that, but I cannot seem to replace those images with happier ones.

I can't believe it, either. Strange, isn't it? Such a major incident in one's life, and it is still beyond our understanding and acceptance. I miss her terribly, as I'm sure you know.

Very sweet letter to your mom, Michael. Thank you for sharing it with us.

 

Comment by Mark on November 15, 2012 at 12:20am

11 months since you've been gone.  Still can't believe it.  Every one said it gets easier.  Either they lied or they just haven't experienced something like this.

Comment by michael sandoval on November 14, 2012 at 11:27am

Dear Mom,

It's been about 6 weeks since you passed and I am still crying all the time.  I miss you in the kitchen watching TV, cooking and cleaning, crocheting, and just being you.  I'm taking care of Dad, just like I told you I would.  I keep the house clean for him and sometimes I cook for him.  I made him a pot of beans just like you showed me and I also made him a cake, just the way you showed me. 

I've also been to Olvera street, to get supplies for the Ofrenda I'm making for you.  I cherish those memories of our last trip there, just two weeks before you passed.  Olvera St. was the first place i remember you taking me when I was a little child, and it was beautiful that I got to take you back there before you passed.  It was your last lunch outing together and I will never ever forget it.  I'll never forget all the wonderful things you did for me, especially when I didn't deserve it.

I miss you so much mommy,

Love you,

Mike

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