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Comment by Jaime Blythe on February 21, 2013 at 9:39pm

Hi everyone, I hope today is finding each of you with a decent day. Thank you all so very much for your advise concerning my health problems. Today I had my gyn doctor appointment. The doc did an exam, and is going to be doing a endometrium biopsy on March 11. The doctor said that he is wanting to find out what the calicificatons in the endometrium are from, including testing for cancer. How crazy is this, just a little over 6 months ago my mom gets diagnosed with liver cancer, and now I'm getting checked for endometrial cancer. This is scary! The doctor also stated that depending upon the results of the annual testing he did today, and what the biopsy shows, I may end up needing surgery. Actually, the way he talked I may need to have a laparoscopic surgery so he can take a look around to see about endometriosis implants. Of all things, I don't understand why this is happening. Why this, why now, why is this happening to me? All I want is the pain to stop, to just get better, to have my life back. Is that to much to ask?!? What's gonna happen to my family, my husband, my daughter, my dad? What's gonna happen to me? I'm so scared that they'll find cancer. My family needs me, I don't want my little girl to go through life without me. I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I'm in so much pain, yet once I get to sleep I end up waking up due to the pain. I'm always getting nauseated, and still living in a 45-90 degree angle. This is no way to live.

Please know that my prayers are with you all. I also very much appreciate your advise. You all have really helped me to keep calm throughout this rough time. I am forever grateful to everyone.
God bless you, and sending many hugs to all of you.

Comment by Jaime Blythe on February 20, 2013 at 1:54pm

Hi Brenda,
The profile picture is of me and my mom, it was taken only three days after she was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. My husband and I renewed our wedding vows for our tenth anniversary. My moms name was Brenda.

I agree with you totally on that the way I'm moving around, now going for a full week living in a 45 to 90 degree angle, it's not living. The sad thing is I'm in pain management from having a spinal fusion done three yrs ago, and have been getting weaned down on the medication. Yet with being in pain management it's not like the docs can send mr home with more meds. My pain doc is so busy that I can't get in any earlier. So unless I get to the point where I just can't take it anymore and have no choice but go to the ER I have to just deal with the pain. I've gotten to the point that I'm not able to sleep much, or I get to sleep and keep waking up from the pain. I'm just so miserable that I'm getting horribly grouchy, exhausted, and just plain miserable. At this point I'm ready to just have them do whatever they have to, it's got to stop. Hopefully I can get through tonight and get to my doc tomorrow am and get his advise and go from there. I just want to get better. Thank you for the article.

Comment by Brenda Ann on February 20, 2013 at 12:10pm

Jaime, sorry to hear about the ER - please take care of yourself! Get the second opinion but your life is miserable when you can't even walk upright. The longer you go on this way the longer you are not living.

From your profile picture, my guess is that your mom and you have a positive outlook on life and an excellent sense of humor. I was reading an article you may enjoy:

Facing Illness With a Sense of Humor

http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/102005289

Hope you read the article and can face your surgery with a smile. Please contact me by email with your address so I can send you a card - mawmaw1591@gmail.com

Brenda

Comment by Judy on February 17, 2013 at 10:32pm

You wrote just how I feel, Melisa C. Down to the bone. Thanks for that poignant read.

Jaime -- But she WILL be there! You'll be unconscious for your surgery, and she's probably where you will easily find her and vice versa. Just wait and see... It will take some getting used to, but you are still a woman without your plumbing. Maybe you're have to symbolically grow up in a hurry?

 

Misti -- It seems illogical, but those brutal reminders are there to actually help you heal, not hinder you. It just hurts like hell, that's all. Sort of like alcohol on an open wound?

 

It struck me tonight that one thing I really wish I had done was to curl up next to my mother as she was dying (although we didn't know that at first), or even after she passed away. We were never a very demonstrative family, so that would hever have happened in real life. But I do wish I hadn't been so overwhelmed in my heart that I couldn't act. Mostly out of fear, I suppose.

Comment by Mary on February 17, 2013 at 9:37pm

Hi Jaime.  I can certainly understand where you are coming from and I too would want my mom there, I always wanted my mom there when I was going through something rough and when I had my two C-sections.  As for telling you what to do.  I would say that you if the only solution is the hysterectomy then if you are in that much pain, it might be the only logical solution. I guess I would be inclined to do some research and see if there are any other known solution to the same issue you are having, maybe get another opinion and if surgery is the only option, find the best surgeon AND most importantly ask for the best anesthesiologist and make SURE they know your complete history.  As for feeling like a woman-dear, we are more then our uterus and ovaries and boobs.  You won't be any less of a woman because of a hysterectomy except for dealing with a monthly cycle.  They also have perfected the hormones that they can give women who have gone through hysterectomies so that you continue to have them in your system. I think more then anything your mom would want you to be pain free and I think you will have a guardian angel watching over you. Lean on your friends.  I will say prayers for you and hope you can find your answers.

Comment by Jaime Blythe on February 17, 2013 at 5:29pm

The other night, Friday, I ended up in the ER for severe right lower belly pain. I have had poly cystic ovarian syndrome for 11 years, and the doctors also believe that I have endometriosis. Anyway, after having an ultrasound done, the ER doc said that I have a bunch of calcifications in the endometrium, and that I may need a partial or complete hysterectomy. No matter what I know I'm facing surgery, and I'm so scared. I wish my mom was here so badly. I need her to get through this, and she's not here. How am I going to get through this? I'm 31 years old, I don't want to have my uterus taken. Yet I can't keep going through this agony of pain either. I'm still laying in a fetal position and when I walk I'm in a 45-90 degree angle. I just can't take the pain! In the ER when I was getting discharged, my blood pressure was 195/102, and my heart rate was 104! Granted I have high bp, and with the pain of course it went extremely high. Thankfully one of my friends is a family friend, she is a couple years older than me, and she lost her mom 13 years ago in a car accident, actually she lost both her mom, and brother in the accident. She was a huge help in calming me down yesterday, and she did say that she is willing to help and be there when I have any surgery. I just really wish my mom was here, I miss her so much. Why is this happening now, why couldn't have happened before my mom was sick and died? I'm afraid I won't feel like a woman anymore.but I just can't take the pain. Please help, I need help. What do Ido, and how do I get through this?? I'm so scared of surgery. I've had 7 operations, and counting my wisdom teeth 8. I'm a difficult intubation, so difficult that one surgery it took the docs three attempts to get a tube in me and then I woke up during the surgery and could feel the tube in my throat. I'm just so frightened I don't know what to do. I just so wish my mom was here to talk to about this, and have her help, and just her presence. I wish that I could just feel her around me. Hugs to all of you, and may you all be doing well. God bless you all.

Comment by Misti on February 17, 2013 at 4:33pm

My mom has been gone for 2 months.  In that 2 months I have had a birthday (my mom was the only one who never forgot) It was the worst birthday ever.  I did have friends try very hard to make it a good day, but my heart just wasn't in it.  Valentines day, first one without a card or a VD joke.  My brothers birthday is this week, I'm all he has now, so feel like I need to try to do what she would have done for him.  March 5th will mark would have been my moms 58th birthday. I guess what I'm trying to say here is, how can I be expected to heal when these reminders will be there forever? I have never been in so much pain and feel like it's never going to get better.

Comment by Melisa C on February 17, 2013 at 1:05pm

Death is such a final thing... I can't believe I have to live without mom. She was and is such a huge part of me, that I know I have to go on, but don't know how. Life is so cruel. I don't think it was her time to go at all... she had her health problems but she could have lived for many years more. I wish I had thought about the possibility of her dying. I guess I did but it was too unbereable a thought and it was pushed away.

Had I known she would die I would have done things a bit differently. Now it's no use. Not sure if she hears me when I say I love her or if she even still is my mother, wherever she is.

So hard to go on! I send you all a hug, you know what it's like to have to survive without someone you love and miss so much.

Comment by Judy on February 15, 2013 at 12:21am

It seems like we're all hurting a lot right now. My grief seems to be sort of random, but really strong. Down here in Texas, the seasons are starting to change. I wonder if that has something to do with it? That, and another holiday... This is the first year I haven't received a Valentine card from my mother. She always, always sent cards -- even for St. Patrick's Day -- and we aren't Irish!

What strikes me about all of these recent posts is that whether it's been 3 months or 3 years, the pain is still with us. Blessings on all of you. It's good we aren't alone.

Comment by Jaime Blythe on February 14, 2013 at 9:03am

God bless everyone here and everywhere for that matter that is going through difficult times, especially with today being Valentines day. On February 16, it will be 4 months since my mom died. My mom made a traditional dinner every valentines day for 31 years. It started the year my folks got together, she always made sloppy joes, salad, BBQ potato chips, and cherry cheese pie. This time I am making it, my dad is coming to our house later today, and we are gonna try to make this a valentines day that my mom would be proud of. I have been in a lot of pain from ovarian cysts the last several days, and thought I was gonna need to go to the ER last night due to the severe pain and nausea I was having. It's been such a rough day already with it being such a special holiday in my family, and mom not being here to celebrate it with us, and now with dealing with the cysts too its just making a rough day that much more difficult. I pray that today will be a day of happiness and that God will make today a bit easier for all of us. May He comfort us all. You all are wonderful and even though none of us may believe it but we all are strong to have gone through what we have and to try to make each day a better day. Many hugs to all of you. Thank you so much for being there for me. I've only been on here a short time, but I finally feel like I'm no longer alone in any of this. My biggest heartfelt thanks to you all.

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