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Comment by Melisa C on February 27, 2013 at 5:45am

Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night and wasn't completely awake I think, and I could feel my mom's face in my hands. It was like when before she went to sleep, I went to her bed and held her face in my hands to tell her goodnight. Wish it was more than a dream.

Comment by Nancy L on February 26, 2013 at 9:32pm

Jennifer, Yes I have issues with siblings, well 2 of them.  There are 5 kids.  2 want to sell my moms house when she hadn 'tbeen gone  a month. I went to her house, phone disconnected, tv disconnected. and he wants to turn off the electricity! There is no reason to sell  they do not need the money or at least I don't tjhink they do. 

 

It is just so frustrating.  We had told my mom that or brother who was 'in charge' of her stuff was going to screw the rest of us she said oh no he won't.  Well we are!  TO MANY greedy people.

 

I miss my mom.  I want her back.  It is bad enough to lose my mother but has to deal with a jerk of a brotherl.  I am not sure how much more I can take from him, before I lose it. I don't think this has to be this difficult!

 

2 more days she will be gone 2 months.  I sure do miss you mom!

Comment by Lucy Russo on February 26, 2013 at 6:02pm

Mary remember that your mother will always be with you when you need her. I think that maybe your fear of losing those memories is blocking you from feeling her presence but rest assured she is there. You will never forget her even if it feels like you are. She is part of you one that can never really be taken away. Have faith in that loving bond - trust it - let the fear go and you will feel her again.

Comment by Marie on February 26, 2013 at 4:00pm

Marie - I felt that way about some of my mom's siblings actually. She has 6 brothers and sisters and only one of them was truly there at every turn. I know they have their own lives but it would have been nice to have some support from them.

I feel like I can say anything in this group and it is really helping me a lot. I want to also vent about my boss at the time my mom got sick and passed away. I think my friends and family are sick of me bringing it up so I don't really have anyone to "vent" to about it anymore.  But, I still have a lot of hate and anger towards my now former boss and I don't know what to do about it.

1 month after my mom died, my boss got on the phone with me and literally told me that I had not been "stepping up to the plate" and was not "being a leader" in the past several months. She "expected more from me".

I could not believe I was hearing this! She knew I was taking care of my dying mother and even sent me cards and books and stuff when mom was sick but then right after she dies I get treated like this??

It is as if she was waiting until my mom died to basically tell me that I should have been more focused on work and not my life. Needless to say, I told her off and by the time we had our next monthly call I was resigning. But, I have not gotten over this.

I have thought about sending her a letter but will that help? I don't know. And, now 2 years later she probably has forgotten. I just wish I could get over this but it still bothers me and sits heavy on my heart. I just don't know how someone can be so cruel.

Comment by Mary on February 26, 2013 at 2:39pm

Marie-I feel similar except that I cared for my mom, visited her every other day, took her to store, to eat, helped with her finances, took her to appointments, etc., yet my sibling seldom visited mom, yet lived the same distance from her as me.  It was not until mom was sick and in the hospital dying that my sibling would step up and be there.  After mom passed it was as if we had both taken care of mom and done the same things for her.  Kind of made me mad.  I too did not have time to grieve because I had to take care of so much stuff.

Comment by Marie on February 26, 2013 at 1:53pm

Well, my brother, sister, and I are pretty close but I must admit I do harbor some resentment because I was mom's caretaker, while they went on living their lives for 5 months. I watched over her, paid her bills, took her to appointments, etc.  Because she had brain surgery it was important that someone always be with her and she had very strict guidelines for diet and activities. It was always me.

I staid by her side every minute she was in the hospital (for 2 weeks straight I only went home to shower and came right back). I even worked most days from the hospital. I would have done it anyway, but it's almost like they just assumed I was okay with it. They never offered to relieve me of my duties, never offered to help in anyway. And, even now with her gone, I am the one who manages the property, bills, and all other matters.

I know they are grieving too but sometimes I would appreciate a simple "thank you" or some kind of appreciation for everything I did and how I basically sheltered them from watching our mother deteriorate.

A lot of my grief has to do with the fact that I did not have time to grieve while she was sick or right after she died because I was so busy managing everything. My grief was delayed and now, in this second year after her death, it is hitting me so hard.

Comment by MSB on February 26, 2013 at 11:59am

Ann, from reading your posts, it sounds like we are both in the same frame of mind. My world is collapsing without my mother. I am an only child. i had some good days, but, lately, it has been so bad, i can't imagine living like this for the rest of my life.

Comment by Ann on February 26, 2013 at 7:42am

Melisa I feel the same way too, this is not the same world without my mom.  It is cold, and lonely, and grey.

Comment by Melisa C on February 26, 2013 at 6:02am

It feels that after mom died, this is another world, with no joy in it.

Comment by Marie on February 25, 2013 at 11:25pm

Mary, I can relate, my mom too had a brain tumor. We lost her 4 months after diagnosis. Those months were horrendous. And I know what you mean about feeling their presence. I have only a few times felt her spirit with me. So, recently I was reading about this and one enlightening article explained that sometimes overwhelming grief can get in the way of feeling that persons spirit around you. Now, I do not know if that is true or what but I do know that the few times I did feel her presence were in fact the times when I was in a calm and peaceful state. Something to ponder, I guess!

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