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Comment by michael sandoval on March 16, 2013 at 10:08am

Dear Mark,

My condolences.  I also suffer from PTSD after my wife passed away three years ago.  in Oct. my Mom passed away.  I have been in therapy for three years now and it has really helped.  especially in dealing with my mom's passing in Oct. 

God Bless.

Comment by Mark on March 16, 2013 at 8:06am

At what point does this awful surge of panic stop?  It's now been over a year and three months since I lost my mom and I'm still waking up from nightmares watching her die and in full panic mode.  For as strange as this sounds I hate going to sleep because I know I'm going to wake up like this all the time and the dreams I have are so horrible I feel like a victim of that post traumatic stress disorder or something.  I am thinking I may need to go see someone about this.  I have to be honest I've never really stopped and grieved over my moms death.  Every thing fell a part so fast and continued to remain that way after her death I just didn't have the time to stop and embrace what all had taken place.  It definitely is filed in your brain though.  I miss my mom so bad.  I still can't believe how it all ended and what we went through.  Seems unreal.  Those around me are more than happy the time has passed.  Their thoughts are selfish.  They assume a year is plenty enough time to deal with all of this.  Of course if it were them that rule will change fast.  I feel like i'm not even really existing on this earth.  I'm floating from job to job to make ends meet and currently have next to nothing.  I hate being around happy people for some reason and rarely answer my phone because I don't like to talk.  I just want my mom back and a chance to have prepared for all of this.

Comment by Cindy Czarnecki on March 16, 2013 at 7:13am

Mary, thank you so much for sharing your story and the comments about selling your mom's house.  The past few days have been difficult.  Like your mom, I know she would want to see another happy family live in our home, so I just hope we can find the "right family" that will cherish the house like we did.  I agree that it gets harder at night.  I also think back to the last few weeks and think what I could have done differently.   Mom was 90 and became dehydrated in September.   She was in rehab and due to come home on Oct. 12 and then I get a call she developed c diff from the IV antibiotics she was on and died on Oct. 16.  Instead of bringing her home I was planning her funeral. 

Will say a prayer for you as you approach your mom's first anniversary and again, thank you so much for responding to my comments.

Comment by Amanda on March 16, 2013 at 7:03am

My 3 yr has more questions now about it than he did when my mom passed 7 months ago. I told him she got real sick and had to go o heaven. But, now we have the best guardian angel ever. She watches us and sees when we are doing fun things and will always be with us. I told him heaven is in the sky. She loved flowers and I tell him when it rains its because grandma wanted to water her flowers. I also said she never stops loving us and we will always talk about her so we can remember her.

Comment by Melisa C on March 16, 2013 at 6:53am

Janyth, I'm so sorry you are feeling that way. I know what it feels like to miss your mom and have no one to talk about it. I have some family but I don't think they can truly relate to what I'm going through. I'm going to see if there is a grief group here in my city, not sure there is one. Have you considered that?

As for the way to talk to the kids, I can't really help, maybe some mothers in here can share that in here with you later.

Comment by michael sandoval on March 15, 2013 at 9:55pm

I've created a memorial book of my amazing mom.  this is from the book of my mom.

Comment by Amanda on March 15, 2013 at 9:22pm

Yes, that does make it better. I know she is in heaven with her brothers and her grandma. I know I will see her again. If I did not have faith, this process would be so much harder.

Comment by Mary on March 15, 2013 at 9:07pm

Amanda, I asked those same questions, but you know what my moms answer was when she found out she had cancer.. trust..trust in God, he knows what he is doing and should cancer take my life, it did not win, it lost because I get to go HOME to heaven, a far greater place then earth where cancer cannot win!  Doesn't make losing her any better, but makes me feel good in knowing she was willing to go "home" if that was what God's plan was.

Comment by Amanda on March 15, 2013 at 8:19pm

Mary-thank you for sharing you story. I hope you are doing ok with the anniversary coming up. I

It does get harder at night, my husband works 2nd shift so after the kids go to sleep my mind just goes to that place of missing my mom so much, I can actually feel my heart is broken. During the day I'm busy. I have joined a Mops grpup(moms of preschoolers), I started selling Thirty One, and I work out more. I'm not sure if I started all of this to try a full a void or just to simply keep busy.

I also think how unfair cancer is and how unfair it was that my mom had to die so young!! Pity party!!!! I mean she was a good person, a productive citizen, and loved her family. Why my mom? Why not someone that is a horrible person??? I know it's just self pity but sometimes it just helps to get some anger out....

Comment by Mary on March 15, 2013 at 6:54pm

Jaime- I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  As for what to say to your little girl, I have always followed the advice the experts who say tell them only what they need to know-which would just be that mommy has some stuff inside her body making her sick and the doctors are going to take it out of mommy's body.  Endometriosis surgery has made huge headway and the newer methods are so much less invasive and recovery is so much quicker. If, and I say IF it is endometrial cancer the survival rate is extremely high if caught early and a hysterectomy is completed.  My mom had endometrial cancer-stage 4, radiation cured her of the cancer in the pelvic area, because she was not a candidate for surgery.  Gain support and strength from this group and know you will be in my prayers.

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