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Comment by Virginia G on November 14, 2018 at 12:28am

I am thinking God is trying to tell me I deserve to be alone.  

Theresa I know the Doors but don’t like them.  Im old.

And I think the penny was from your Mom.

Brett, I liked your line, “honking load of crap”.  

And who cares what others think.  Cry whenever you want as long as you want.  

Has anyone read any books on Heaven that gave hope?

  

Comment by Theresa on November 13, 2018 at 5:30am

Avi I believe when you are talking to God your mom hears you she is right there.

I also do not get any signals, but pay closer attention.

I was praying to her one night because someone close to me is not well, and I said please mom help, please ask God, and I was doing this as I was putting clothes in the dryer and on the bottom of the washer was a bright shiny penny, and I said you do hear me mom don't you, she used to have a large jug filled with pennies.  Or maybe its just because it fell out of a pocket, but I didn't see anything in there with a pocket, however its all in the way you want to perceive it I guess.

Comment by Avi on November 13, 2018 at 1:42am

I also talk to God now at my home or in temple. It makes me feel that I am talking to my mom. 

I did not receive any signals which make me feel that my mother is nearby but I still believe that she can listen me. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 13, 2018 at 12:43am

Theresa, I wish I could go to church with you. Church is very emotional for me. It's a combination of sadness and a feeling that I am close to my mom there. I cry a lot at church. Not out loud, but I try to sit in the back now. I don't know if people would understand. I think there is a lot of, "He lost his mom three years ago." I don't think many people can understand why time doesn't matter. I have not come very far in my journey.

Comment by Avi on November 12, 2018 at 5:54am

know that one day we shall meet again.

These lines motivate me to live. Thanks Theressa. Just install Skype app in your mobile if you use smart phone and then add me as a contact. Rest is very simple. 

Comment by Theresa on November 12, 2018 at 5:52am

Avi I think you are doing great, better than I was at the point you are at, but you have a new child that helps you put your attention on.  You seem to be very kind, I don't know how to skype if I did I would lol

Brett, yes I am going through the exact same feelings you are at this time my friend, I wish we lived closer we could go to church together, it would be nice to have someone to do that with.

Virginia, we never know what people say behind closed doors, I would not write her off as a friend, just know that she is not who you thought she was.  Avi is right thats funny she lied on top of lies, and you knew the truth, as the Doors said "People are Strange" I don't know if anyone even knows who the Doors are, but Brett and myself, lol.  

Let everyone of us today say a prayer for each other that we may find peace in the rest of our lives without the most important person by our side and know that one day we shall meet again.

Comment by Avi on November 12, 2018 at 1:38am

Yes Brett rightly said, people around us will not understand the grief or guilt. 

Virginia, this was unfortunate but a bit hilarious as well. I can understand how hard that lady would have tried to convince you but all futile. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on November 12, 2018 at 1:14am

Virginia, every one of us is that person. All my life I was the funny kid in school and at work. I've heard it my whole life, "You don't have to entertain me." What a honking load of crap that was. When the jokes dried up, the friends dried up. I don't even like to call people because I know they are tired of hearing about how much I miss my mom, or my troubles since then. They don't want to deal with it. I think they see us an Amway salesmen who found a way into their houses.

But to put on a false face is a lie. You have to be who you are, where you are. And if people don't want to hear it, or they don't like being around you, than just try to be strong for yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I don't care if it's sadness or if it's guilt, It's all a product of loving our moms so much. I'll never be ashamed of that.

I'll just make-do the best I can.

 

Comment by Virginia G on November 12, 2018 at 12:54am

  Today I texted a lady from bereavement group and asked what she was doing.  I was going to ask if she wanted to get something to eat.  She mistakenly sent me a text that was intended for her boyfriend.  She told him that she just got a text from me and was afraid to answer because she thought I might ask to come over and “I can’t do that”.  I told her I got that text and that I wouldn’t bother her anymore.  Of course she sent several texts with excuses and that all of them in the group really care about me.  Yeah, I can tell.  I told her not to feel bad and that even my own friends don’t want me around.  I must be being punished.

  I went to church tonight and it’s all so confusing to me.  All of it.  Is that bad?  Do I have to agree with everything?  Why is it only once a week?     I didn’t know where else to go.  

Comment by Avi on November 12, 2018 at 12:34am

Brett, if you are available on skype please send me request at avitiwari26@gmail.com. 

Lets have a call someday. 

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