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Comment by Jessica Laird on March 3, 2018 at 8:56pm

Hi, My name is Jessica. This is my first time here. I lost my mom unexpectedly on January 16th 2018. She was only 52 years old. I found out the worst way that she passed which still haunts me to this day. I was helping my fiancé with shooting his masters film and during a break I looked at my phone. On Facebook there was a picture of my mom and my uncle post my youngest sister passed away unexpectedly. I was in disbelieve because no one told me. In the end, it was true. I am hoping this grief site will help me through this ruff journey. I feel like I have no control over my life.

Comment by Jennifer Nuss on February 28, 2018 at 7:02am

Brett- almot as if u are telling my story.  my thoughts and prayers are with everyone today.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 27, 2018 at 5:34pm

We donated Mom's personal things like clothing, blankets, shoes and all the American flags she kept from 4th of July to the Vets with in 1 month of her death. It was a hard day, but had to be done. But it is all the other things, like the cat statues she collected, what she used in the kitchen, all her stuffed animal collection, the pictures she put on the wall, her 3 cats( 2 of which live in her backyard and are are partially feral), the furniture she picked out and her plants outside etc are all part of what made her, her. I know they are just things, but they had meaning to her.

Comment by Theresa on February 27, 2018 at 5:49am

Bluebell, yes it is hard, I do not know how I found the strength to clean out the house, the shed and everything else so quickly, I was in a fog, I don't even remember it.  I might have done everything too quickly, but I had a brother that lived far away and put me in charge of it all.

In my opinion for myself the second year was harder than the first, I don't know why.

I remember when my dad passed away, my mom gathered all his clothes and called Viet Nam Vets and they were donated.

In way I guess I am glad its finished, but can I just say the hardest thing that brought me to tears was when I went back to the car dealer with her little VW Passat she leased 6 months ago, remembering when we picked out the car her saying to the sales man "what if I die during this lease", it was surreal and I cried, I must have had that look on my face for people to say it will be alright, for who I said?

Time keeps going  and I do cry quite often, everytime I think of her, there is no time on the grieving, but others think so.

I certainly miss her she was my everything, my world, my friend, my mom.

I pray she knows I love her and miss her......and I ask God for strength everyday.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 27, 2018 at 2:10am

Thank you Brett and Theresa. The anxiety I experienced on the days before during and after the 1 year anniversary of Mom's death has been hard to deal with. It is less today which I am grateful for. Both my sister and I are overwhelmed when we try to make plans to sell her house. So we just hang on to it, thinking that somehow it will get easier and we will know when it is the right time. But maybe we are fooling ourselves. There will never be a right time and it will always be a hard thing to do. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 14, 2018 at 10:52am

Mine as well.

Comment by Theresa on February 14, 2018 at 5:59am

Bluebell, you are in my thoughts today...

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 7, 2018 at 9:28pm

Sadly, there is no one in the family that I can talk to. At first it was that I was living in my mom's house. I left there to create some kind of harmony. That didn't work. They are happy alright. They have money coming. But there is somethings else. My mom and I were extremely close, and that just increased ten fold when I became her caretaker. 

If there is a bright side in this (there's not), sometimes I wonder if it's me. If I am the one who is wrong, but my extended family are backing me completely. Mom's sisters spoke with her every day until she died. It means the world to me that they are supporting me in this. That someone understands how much I loved my mom, and what it meant for me to be her caretaker. 

The sad reality is that my mom is gone and not coming back. If ever I wished that I could hug her it would be now. I'll go through this alone.

I will never forget, a couple of days after my mom died, one of my brothers called me. He said, "What do we get?" He then asked me what the biggest tv in the house was. And then he asked me which tv was the newest. He said, "I'm going to come up there and get one of them." My mom was reduced to a flat screen tv. Now she is reduced to the market value of a home. I don't understand. I will never understand. 

One day the Lord will come for us, I believe that, but until then there is a lot of cruelty and sadness that is attached to being here. I'm broken.

I still have one of mom's little dogs. Her life has changed son much. She use to have me, mom, and her sister. Now she spends too much time in her kennel while I am at work. She's older an incontinent. I just keep looking at her and saying, "I'm so sorry." I know what her life was like, and I know what mine was like. I just miss my mom.

Comment by BLUEBELL on February 7, 2018 at 12:46pm

I am so sorry you are going through this with your family. Is there at least one of them that is not bitter and is more enlightened than the others that you could talk to? I think it would have to be agreed to in advance that during the conversation, neither of you would be allowed to become defensive or argumentative.  Just a thought.....

Bluebell

Comment by Sherri on February 7, 2018 at 12:40pm

Brett I am sorry to hear all this has happened just know that you did took care of her and she knew that sometimes its the little things that matter more. It's hard when family don't see eye to eye I have one brother who stopped speaking to me and my mom many years ago. I tried to get him to see her but he didn't want to talk I told him I'd leave so he could see her but never came. I told her nothing because it broke my heart for her that he didn't care enough any more. When I did tell him the news I told him he's my brother I will always love you but I will never forget how he hurt her more so I get it. I just want you to know your mom loved you and sometimes family isn't all they seem to be. Big Hugs my friend.

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