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Comment by Theresa on March 15, 2018 at 6:46pm

Crystal, you described it best "a horror movie"  I just can't get it out of my mind.

God bless everyone, may we all find inner peace, here, talking about our moms.

I can say it helps me alot to know you all know the feeling of this pain we all feel, my husband, my friends have no idea because they still have MOM....

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 15, 2018 at 12:51pm

Crystal, I agree with all that you wrote. My mom suffered. I'm glad that she is not sick anymore but that does not make me miss her any less. If that is selfish I will just have to live with it. We feel what we feel. I could lie and put on a happy face but I can't fool myself. 

Being handed a bag of your mom's clothes is heartbreaking. If you were the primary caregiver there is really no way around it. My mom died at home, but after the Hospice nurse prepared her body, she left the pajamas that my mom had been wearing in a chair next to my mom's hospital bed. And then when I went through all of my mom's clothes there were so many pairs of hospital socks. My mom liked those. She was a fall risk and they helped her keep her footing. But looking at them made me remember all of the times that I got to bring mom back home from the hospital. No more.

I can't go to my mom's grave. I have not been able to go back to my mom's church. My sister has some messages that mom had left her still on her phone. There is no way that I could listen to those. God, that would kill me.

I don't want to make you feel bad about going to a medium. We do what we can to find some comfort. Please don't beat yourself up about a lack of faith. You could have all of the faith in the world and still miss your mom like you do.

I wish you a great day filled with peace. I pray that we all will find peace.

Comment by Crystal K on March 15, 2018 at 4:02am

I would never want to diminish someone’s faith or beliefs. I just wish my faith was as strong as you guys. I am aware of what the bible says about mediums and the dangers of it. I was so distraught the first month after my mom’s death that I did go see a medium. She was very friendly and I cried throughout the whole experience. At first it made me feel better to know that my mom was on the other side nd that she thanked me for being a good daughter.. But after a few weeks the feeling went away... Brett it made me think about what you said sometime ago about it not being about how she died or the circumstances but really the pain was just cause our mothers arent with us anymore- simple as that... Made me realize that even if my mom is happy in the afterlife, it didnt make me miss her less... cause I still miss her like crazy... I hope this doesnt make anyone uncomfortable.. losing my mom was so sudden I needed to talk to her again.. even if it wasnt directly... but yes now I question that experience.. but the psychic did share personal details that I thought only a true medium would know... Anyway...church is one of the places I avoid because it is another place that now has my mother’s shadow attached to it. I’ve cried everytime I stepped foot into our church because I would glance to the empty seat that was once filled with my mother’s warmth...
Theresa, you describing your mom’s death reminds me very much of my mom’s as well... Staring in disbelief as the nurse came with a bag of clothes and handed it to me... the familiar clothes that she always wore... Her cane... it was like a horror movie... still is... I cannot watch videos of her or listen to her last voicemail either...i burst out crying everytime I do... I am still waiting for the day that thoughts of her will bring a smile to my face rather than drenched pillow cases.. but I know that is a long time coming... Let us all get there together... I am truly thankful to have you guys to share these thoughts with... talking bout it helps and heals... and I truly hope that my heart is healing little by little with every interaction on this site... All the best... Wish you comfort on the bad days and hope on the worse days...

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 14, 2018 at 9:25pm

I am Methodist but I have great devotion to The Blessed Mother. There has to be a reason for that. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on March 14, 2018 at 9:17pm

Theresa, I have never heard you describe your mother's death quite so clearly either. That's a horrible visual image to carry with you. You have heard me say things like this before... there is a saying, "No one gets out of here alive." In this case it means that we cannot love like we do and not come away from this without great scars. I tried to arrange my mom's passing to perfection. I was at her bedside. I said all the things that I thought that she would want to hear. But there was still that moment when she passed. One word hit me like a sledge hammer. That word was, "Dead." My mom was dead. The finality of that word is dreadful. 

I am such a fan of adoration. It is uniquely Catholic because only Catholics believe that the sacrament is the actual flesh of Jesus Christ. There have been so many miracles, including one that was documented by the present Pope, that involve the sacrament. I believe that if you want to be close to your mom, sitting in adoration is a great place to do so. We call it communion because it is the communion of saints. To me that means wherever Christ is he is joined by the communion of saints, all who have passed and are in the presence of God. I believe that adoration is a miracle that occurs 24 hours a day.

I always talk about being closer to God. Adoration offers that opportunity figuratively and literally.

Comment by Theresa on March 14, 2018 at 8:42pm

Thank you Bluebell and Maria.  I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record

its just that  nobody cares nobody wants to hear it

it has changed me I feel like nothing matters and I don’t care what I say to people I don’t care from hurtful or not

sometimes when I get in bed at night and I’m watching TV I sit here and I think my goodness it’s been so long since I heard my mom’s voice since I’ve seen her it just feels so far away

I have saved voice messages from 2013 on my phone from my mom I cannot bring myself to listen to them I’m afraid I’ll break down 

I know God is carrying me through this.  I volunteer on Fridays before work  for one hour at the chapel at my church I am Catholic and we do adoration it’s a beautiful hour I talk to God I talk to the Blessed mother I talk to my mom

Comment by M on March 14, 2018 at 8:42pm

Thank you Bluebell & I'm sorry for yours as well.

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 14, 2018 at 8:38pm

Maria. I am so sorry for your loss. 

Bluebell 

Comment by BLUEBELL on March 14, 2018 at 8:35pm

You have never described it so clearly before Theresa. I am so sorry you had to see that. 

Bluebell

Comment by M on March 14, 2018 at 8:31pm

I'm so sorry Theresa and I understand your pain. I too have been scarred by seeing my mother in pain and her body bruised and battered. Let us pray for each other...please God may you bring all of us here comfort in our sorrow and the strength and the will to go on, amen.

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