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Comment by BLUEBELL on April 10, 2018 at 7:27am

I am losing my family. My sister's husband died suddenly yesterday. I feel so sorry for my sister. First our Mom which neither of us have stopped grieving for and now her husband of over 40 years. I want to be supportive for her, but instead, I am pulling inside myself with grief. I just do not know what to do. Nothing I do will take her pain away. I feel so darn helpless. I am lost in a sea of tears.

I am glad my Mom is not here to go through this. It would have hurt her so much. To have one of her children hurting like my sister is right now would have been too much for her. 

I want to call my sister right now to be supportive, but it is too early in the morning. I want to go be with her, but grief is shutting me down. I feel so powerless to help. I hope God gives me some strength, because I have little right now.

Bluebell

Comment by Theresa on April 6, 2018 at 12:01pm

Oh yes I heard about that.  

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 6, 2018 at 10:40am

There is an amazing story behind it. In 1981 six children claimed that Mary appeared to them. She still appears to them there. It's in Bosnia. 

Comment by Theresa on April 6, 2018 at 4:50am

No Brett I have not where is it?

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 6, 2018 at 1:05am

Theresa, have you ever been to Medjugorje? I'm thinking about going.

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 6, 2018 at 1:03am

Marie, I've been worried about you. Please let us know that you are okay.

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 5, 2018 at 12:05pm

Crystal, you said something that sticks with me as well. My mom's quality of life was slipping away. There were so many times when she told me or her friends that she was ready to die. But I also remember the look on her face when the doctors told her there was nothing more that they could do. And I remember the look on her face in those last hours. She was afraid and she was confused. That hurt me greatly. I was searching my brain for anything that I could say that would bring her peace, but our mother's were human, and few things are scarier than facing our own death. I imagine that when you saw those tears after you told her that you love her, you couldn't know for sure if it was those words that touched her, or if they were brought about by fear, and just not wanting to die. It was probably a combination of all three. And this is one of the reasons why we grieve so hard. We love so much, but in the end their was nothing that we could do to protect our moms. We had to watch them experience this alone. Even if we were by their bedside, they still had to take that next step alone. And then they were gone.

Sometimes I try to tell myself that mom wouldn't have wanted me to be so sad, but let's be honest, we are going to feel what we feel. Some people try to mask it but it's there. And I know that there are some who lose their moms and seem to go along just fine. I'm not one of those people. I'm broken.

I don't know if this will be a comfort to anyone but I remember that what are moms experienced will eventually happen to us as well. There will come a day when it's our turn to walk that last mile alone. Losing our moms was not unjust. Everyone dies. The circumstances can sure be unjust. Not being able to say goodbye, not being able to ask forgiveness for so many thins, not being able to say I love you for the last time. Those things are treacherous and they are things  that so many of us here are dealing with. But I said goodbye. I said I love you. I held her hand until she took her last breath and then I held her hand for a while longer. It still hurts so badly. It hurts too much.

The only thing that can really bring me comfort is to know that I had such a wonderful mom. It was a blessing to have loved so much, and it was a blessing to have been loved so much. For all of the sad feelings I have now, I would sure do it all over again. Our mom's were worth it.

Comment by Theresa on April 5, 2018 at 9:54am

Crystal, you were very lucky to have been able to say goodbye, there are many things that stick in my head also.

Its been a long journey I too just miss her so much.

Comment by Crystal K on April 5, 2018 at 3:44am

Sorry for the misspellings. Posting from my iphone. 

Comment by Crystal K on April 5, 2018 at 3:42am

Brett you seem to always know how what to say to make me feel a littl better... I remember reading somewhere that grief comes in waves.. you’re doing fine, smiling, until a picture of your loved one pops into your head. But it seems lije its the other way around for me. There are moments when I think “ Hey I can get through this. Mom would want that.” .. but that lasts just brief second until the pain of losing my mom washes over me again.. I try to tell myself that I was lucky to have the last conversation with my mom before she went into cardiac arrest and had to be put on a breathing tube.. But its not what I hoped it would be .: I did not tell her I loved her because I didnt want to face the fact that she was dying. I did not know that in just an hour she wouldnt be able to look me in the eye.. When she went into cardiac arrest, she had to be put to sleep in fear of having more. She woke up a few hours later, responsive.. but she couuld not talk, and when she opened her eyes, her glucose was so low that her vision was gone. I told her my last goodbyes during this time- i knew she heard me because she was crying and squeezing my hand... I was so thsnkful at that moment.. But now I cant get that image out of my mind. The image of tears strolling down her face as she tried to speak out to us but couldnt. The tears when she realized she was dying... I just wish she couldve said something bsck to me.. that she’ll be ok or that she’s in peace.. Instead she had to listen to each of us bid her goodbye, telling her its ok to leave.. what if she was trying to say that she didnt want to? That she didnt want to die... She was alone with her thoughts... and that is something I will never get over... oh i miss her so much.. it three months it will be a year since she passed.. how has time gone by so fast... Everyone has forgotten.. and I’m left mourning for a piece of my soul that will never return. 

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