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Comment by Jessica Laird on April 29, 2018 at 7:53pm

Theresa-  seeing all the mother days commercials is making my grieving harder. It keeps reminding me that she is gone. 

Comment by Theresa on April 29, 2018 at 7:22pm

Its coming up on Mother's Day, another hurdle to get over.......

Comment by BLUEBELL on April 26, 2018 at 10:48am

"Grief counseling is not a magic bullet. We will feel what we feel until we heal." So true Brett. The counselor I see periodically does not push the grief process or closure. He encourages me to talk if I want to and gently gives suggestions, but not rules to follow. It has helped to have developed a trust with someone like this that I feel does not judge me. There must have been divine guidance for me to have chosen him.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 25, 2018 at 11:59am

Bulebell, I don't think it is inappropriate at all to say I love you to this group. I love everyone here. This is a group that understands because we are all experiencing tremendous grief. I am so tired of random people telling me that I need to go through grief counseling. I have done that already and grief counseling is not a magic bullet. We will feel what we feel until we heal.

Comment by BLUEBELL on April 25, 2018 at 10:41am

My Mom was cremated and her ashes were laid to rest in the ocean per her wishes. She wanted no services or even a celebration of her life. We honored her wishes, But I wish I had a place at a cemetery where I could go visit her. I think it might make it easier to sell her house...I do not know. I still stay at her home even though I have a condo of my own close by. At least I have some physical sense of her presence when I am surrounded by the things she chose and liked. I have kept the huge hedge in her back yard just the way she liked it. I still hang the kitchen towels in the same place and the same things on the counter. Her room no longer has a bed in it, but the rest of the furniture is unchanged, including the knick·knacks she kept on her dresser. My family is not in a hurry to sell the house, ( I have 3 brothers and 1 sister), and I am grateful. It is too overwhelming for both my sister and I to start the process, and now it is going to be even harder since my sister's recent loss. I travel back and forth to my condo to take care of my 2 kitties every day. They just would not fit in with my Mom's adult cat. My dog is here with me now, but I used to leave him at my condo and go visit, feed and walk him twice a day because I did not him to traumatize Mom's cat by moving him here. I have not let go of my Mom, I know that. It is baby steps for me and it is and has been a long process.

This may be inappropriate, but because life can be short and unpredictable, I am going to say that I love you all and you are all very special people. You have made a very sad time in my life easier just by listening and and sharing your own experiences. It helps so much to know I am not alone in this. God bless you all.

Bluebell 

Comment by Theresa on April 25, 2018 at 5:23am

Bluebell, that is how the whole first year was for me after my mom passed, it was just a blur...

Comment by Theresa on April 25, 2018 at 5:21am

Marie my thoughts and prayers are with you, Brett is right we remember our moms everyday the same way, but for me it makes me feel happy to go to her grave and bring a flower and tell her I love her, but I tell her I love her every day and night.   I had a hard time at first going to the cemmetary because they took so long to engrave the stone with her name, I got a bit nasty with them because they kept pushing me off, but they did not hesitate to take my money, finally I talked to someone who got it done.  My mom and dad were cremated I feel peace knowing I have some of her ashes in a small ceramic heart in a small velvet mirrored box with her picture in it on my nightstand.  I still cry every night when I get in bed and talk to her, I say mom I need you here to help me, its hard not having her to lean on.  

Like Brett said lets all get through that day together and take a moment to thank God for giving us the strength to continue on without our moms....

Comment by BLUEBELL on April 25, 2018 at 5:13am

Marie D, Thank you for your condolences. I am heartbroken every minute of the day about it. A couple of days after it happened, I offered to pick up his ashes and death certificates. It is 2 in the morning right now, so I am doing that today and taking them to my sister. It is horrible to think he has been reduced to just this. Today is going to be a test of my strength and the love and compassion I feel for my sister. 

How well I understand that deep, heart wrenching sadness that feels like I cannot get through another day without breaking into a million pieces. I do not know how I got through Mother's day last year. It was my first too and it is all a big blur. I do not know how I got through the day my Mom gave birth to me on May 5th. I am guessing all I did was use the energy I had at that time into keeping myself alive. That is how far down I was.

I still miss my Mom every day, but the intensity of it has softened. Even though it may be hard for you to believe right now Marie, it will for you too. 

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 25, 2018 at 12:20am

Marie, I am glad to see you post again. Mother's Day is my mom's birthday. Last years Mother's Day was really hard. I don't think it will be as bad this year. Seconds, minutes, and hours pass, and then it's another day. I cry and I think it's good to cry. It's a release. But I also know that all of my crying cannot bring my mom back. I also have noticed that I do not remember my mom more on a special day. I remember her all of the time. I don't know how to tell anyone how to make it through a day like that. A grief counselor would tell you to do something to honor your mom on that day. I'll be honest, I've tried that, and it didn't really make me feel better, but it is helpful for a lot of people. My first Thanksgiving without my mom my grief counselor told me to set a place at the table for my mom. That just about killed me. That was a bad idea (for me anyway). If you should do something to honor your mom, let it be your idea.

Most of all, remember that you are not alone. I'll be here in NC thinking about you, and I'll be missing my mom, too. Let's make it through that day together.     

Comment by Marie D on April 24, 2018 at 11:25pm

Hi Brett, I am here, still struggling with deep depression. I need your and others advice, how do you handle Mother’s Day? This will be the first one since Mom passed on Christmas Day. I am overcome with grief, and dread just thinking about it.

Bluebell, I am so heartbroken to hear of your sister’s husband passing. 

Crystal K, honey, your story of your Mom crying and squeezing your hand when you were telling her your last goodbyes, that just made me sob. My heart goes out to you and I am sending you a very big hug, from Marie D.

I pray for everyone and send thoughts of comfort.

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