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Comment by BLUEBELL on May 2, 2018 at 2:48am

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. But I will and the nightmare will go on.

Bluebell

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 2, 2018 at 2:44am

I am in so much emotional pain tonight that I can hardly stand it. I just want it to stop. The death of my sister's husband has opened up the wound of my Mother's loss again. I do not understand why, but it has. I want to be stronger and be brave, but I do not have the energy. Is there anyone out there that understands what I am going through? I feel so alone and so very sad. I feel like my world is crashing down around me. My heart is broken. My grief is so deep. I do not want to go through this again, but here I am. I have no choice. Please someone acknowledge me. I am laying myself out here as I am and am taking a chance of being hurt. But I can not keep this inside because it is eating me up. I do not even care what you say. I just can not stand being by myself with these feelings. My main support person , which was my sister, has been ripped away. We would grieve together about the loss of out Mother. How can I possibly go to her because of what she is going through now. My therapist is having surgery in two weeks and I am afraid I am going to loose him too. It involves going up near his brain and there are risks of stoke. He is not only my therapist, he is a friend and I care for him deeply. It is all too much and I am coping poorly. Feeling deeply about people you love is a blessing and a curse at the same time. It takes it toll. I just feel so crushed and I do not know what to do to help myself feel better so that I can be of service to others. It is interfering with my job as a nurse that supports others as they slowly loose their loved ones to incurable diseases. As Marie said  earlier, I am in survival mode and just hanging on by a thread, praying to God that it will get better. Yes I believe in God , but he feels so far away from me.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 1, 2018 at 11:07pm

Maria, your mom couldn't be in better hands.

Jessica, it's wonderful that you have your fiance. It's so important to have somebody to love. And such a blessing.

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 1, 2018 at 7:58pm

Thank you Maria. I am wishing you comfort too. You are going through a lot and I admire your strength. What a beautiful picture.

Bluebell

Comment by Jessica Laird on April 30, 2018 at 6:19pm

I hoping this week goes by fast. My fiance is coming to visit next week. Luckly he will be here during mother day

Comment by Theresa on April 30, 2018 at 4:59am

All so true, it will be my 3rd mothers day without her, and her Birthday will be right after in June and that was her name JUNE!, long story.

She would have been 95.

Sad as this is you know whats upsetting to me besides she is not here, having to go get a card for my mother in law!!! I cry standing there reading them.  This year I will go up that isle and just pick one and pay for it no reading it.  Thats one way to handle that.  

I am not a card person, because they are expensive, but I do have the Birthday cards my mom gave me.

Its going to be a busy week at work, so I will be thinking of everyone.

Comment by Crystal K on April 30, 2018 at 3:46am

Sending love to all of you this coming mother’s day♥️ 

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 29, 2018 at 11:52pm

It's my mom's birthday as well.

Comment by BLUEBELL on April 29, 2018 at 10:59pm

This is my second Mother's Day without my Mom. I do not even want to think about it.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on April 29, 2018 at 10:28pm

And it's safe to say that none of us need a reminder that our moms are gone.

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