Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Michael Thompson on February 24, 2018 at 3:10am

Hi, I lost my wife to bowel cancer in 2014, we were married 22 years.  Now I just exist also.  There is nothing anybody can do.  Scan your local paper and read the obituaries page.  Maybe you could write a letter to your local paper paying tribute to your mum, and how you feel about losing her, there will be people in your situation who may read your letter, ?, is it not worth a try ?, and its good therapy, I wrote two articles and they bought forth response letters from local people in my situation.  

If you wish to read my article, let me know, and include your email address.

Michael in the UK.

Permalink Reply by Hilary J. Wright on March 5, 2018 at 2:28am

She is still with you. She is everywhere. You will always be her best friend. Close your eyes, concentrate on the light. Find the light in your head - deep in your brain, in the center of your brain. Move toward the light that you see, and she is there. It's difficult, but if you try very very hard, you'll see her light.

Permalink Reply by M on March 9, 2018 at 9:14pm

I feel the same. I lost my dear mother on January 7. I feel so frightened and alone. I don't know what to do with myself. She fell at home, cracked her ribs, punctured her spleen. They had to take the spleen out and then she went from bad to worse. I'd been sensing that we weren't going to have much time left together. She was only 68. I have so many regrets and wished I had handled so many things differently. I was an only child and we lost my dad 7 years ago. I don't know what my purpose is now either.

Permalink Reply by Hilary J. Wright on March 9, 2018 at 9:24pm

Three+ years since my wonderful mom died (at 76 - far too young, and I blame myself for not making sure she had proper medical care). I am so sad every day that she is not here for millions of reasons. But I heard something today that made me stop crying (as I do so often - especially on my drive home from work).  "Don't spend negative energy trying to change what you can not change."  Although I will never be the same without her in my life, I want to work towards realizing that I can not bring my mom back and being SO very sad is not helping me or anyone. The only positive thing I can do is think about the good things that my mom brought to me and to the world. In those happy, positive things, she IS here. When I drown out those many amazingly good things she brought to me and the world with sadness and negativity, I am only harming myself, those around me, and the memory of my mom.

Permalink Reply by Betty Ellsworth on March 30, 2018 at 2:11pm

I know this feeling well.  I too was my mother caregiver for many years and only child.  My mother was my whole life.  I had a job and her for many years.

When I saw a decline in her health no one would listen.  I keep thinking could I have done more..  The day she was rushed to the hospital and they wanted to put her on life support I refused.  I had her DNR orders.  The doctor words keep echoing in my head..........your killing her and you will go to hell.

The last time I saw her I made three promises......I would be there when her time was ending...no one would pray over her and she would not die in a hospital    those promises were never kept.  They said she had more than a year to live.  Two days later I was notified she was passing.  When I got there she was already gone and two nurses aids walked out and said they prayed over her as died in the hospital.  I found out later they called my after her death.

I have spoken to several clergy and they all agree that I was wrong about the DNR and I will only be forgiven at the time of my death.  There are times I feel there no reason to be here.  I keep trying to remember all the good things but it only brings more pain.  I just want my mom back.  Last night watching a tv show a priest said we have two things in life to live for......family and faith.

Permalink Reply by Avi on May 29, 2018 at 8:54am

I am so sorry to hear your story. I can understand the grief as I almost had similar situation. 

I can only say that regret will not die early but this is how life 

Permalink Reply by Michael Thompson on May 29, 2018 at 9:45am

Hi, my heart goes out to you, I know how you feel, precisely!.  I lost my wife to Bowel cancer in 2014, we were married 22 years.  Although this happens everyday to people all over the Western World, its a very personal thing to lose someone close.  I just exist too.  Ive lost purpose.

Ive obviously never met you, but im thinking of you.

Michael UK