My bad feelings seem to be getting worse with each month - Coping is not getting easier

Mom mom died a week before Thanksgiving. I thought after the holidays I might maybe be able to get back to a little bit of a normal routine with work, etc. My feelings are worse now. Going back to work and going to the dentist today made it worse. Is anyone else like this? When I'm home alone with my dog, I feel better. When I'm out in the world, I get angry and alone and feel very very misunderstood. I hate so much to say this but, I resent any kind words from people that still have both of their parents..At the dentist a very nice lady that knew my mom asked me how I was doing, etc - and i resented it because she still has both of her parents. I tried to tell her that I am changing and don't care about lots of things anymore that used to be a priority with me, and she basically did not understand a word I said. I think it just made her uneasy and she went on to another patient. I don't want to end up bitter and miserable and pushing people away. How in the world do people cope with this bad stuff?  Does it ever improve?

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Permalink Reply by deborah white on February 12, 2012 at 8:47am

Hi Sandra,

     I know how you feel,my mom also passed the week before Thanksgiving (2010) and it was just so hard as mom loved the holidays,esp Christmas. My birthday was Jan 3 and to me that was the worst,I signed the papers to remove mom from life support and this was the women that gave me life.

     People always tell me that it will get better,and I know that they mean well,but sometimes I just avoid them because I do not want them asking how I am doing,I know they mean well but  to me it is just empty words,it is sad because I usually avoid them esp when they tell me what a great person she was and I hate that the conversation is in the past tense.I have good days and bad,but I know mom would never want to see me sad. When I am alone I usually talk to mom,or I think about all the good times we had and it does help me a little ,but the tears always come,I just feel so empty.

  Just to let you know I know how you feel,I too do not want to push people away.and when you want to talk I am here.

Permalink Reply by Sandra Nichols on February 13, 2012 at 11:35am

thanks for your reply deborah. it always does help to hear form people so similar to me. it seems like people are pushing me to be fine, now after only about 3 months. totally crazy. i feel deeply for the people i love and there is no way i could be ok at this time. Are people just shallow or do they just not have any understanding - or is it both?.  I talk to mom out loud at home and go into her room . Sometimes i just feel really sad that she is not on earth with me any more (i'm crying as i write this part). other times i just am numb and once in a while the grief is just too much for me. Soon, my sister and i are going to visit mom's grave. I think it will be harder for my sister than me - she seems to be in denial still. I will try to think of good times with my mom, because we definately had some fun times. Mom would want me to go on and be ok.   

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