Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Stephanie E. on April 6, 2011 at 12:29am

Nancy

 

Even though I do have a husband and children I too have found myself not taking very good care of myself.  I have gone days without showering, weeks without shaving, and I don't care about make up anymore cuz I just cry it off (black eyes tend to scare people, lol).  I have also gained 15 lbs, even though I was already over weight before my mom passed. Today marks the 4th month of her death. All I wanted to do today was nothing! But my kids went to school, I stayed in my PJs and dropped them off at the front door. I took them to the park, I did dress in jeans and t-shirt and put on sunglasses to hide my eyes (love my sunglasses). I have to pack up my house because we're moving in 4 mths, and I didn't. My house is a disaster area, and if my mother knew all of this she would have a kitten!

My daughter, whos 6, has noticed the messy house. She wants to invite friends over, but I dont have the energy to clean, so nobody can come over. My husband has noticed and has tried to help, but after working all day he doesnt want to do anything either. He's trying to be supportive, he knows a little bit about what I'm going through, he lost his best friend two months before my mom died.  He's dealt with his grief and has moved on, he understands that it's different for me, but I can sense his frustration. I feel so guilty for not taking care of my responsiblities, and that it's starting to affect my kids, but I can't find the drive to change. I'm gonna have to figure out how to soon. 

I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I think it's normal, but we can't keep it up, sooner or later we're gonna have to claw our way up out of this pit and take care of ourselves. It's what our loved ones would want us to do. I hope it helps knowing you're not the only one.

 

Stephanie

Permalink Reply by Amy Kuptz on April 19, 2011 at 6:25pm

Nancy

I lost my mother 9 years ago when I was 16.  When she passed I quit going to school and didn't come home or eat for days.  I didn't shower or brush my teeth regularly and was introduced to street drugs.  I had always been a straight A student so when I did show up for class my high school counselor and psychology teacher had a talk with me.  My psychology teacher said, "When you wake up each day remember one thing- to function." It took some time for me to understand this but I came to realize I needed to live my life.  What would my mom think if she could see the way I was?  Grief still over came me every day but I learned to take care of myself and I had to do that to find a purpose in my life and do things that my mother would have wanted for me.  I still have problems, sometimes I don't feel like taking care of myself or see the point in getting out of the house or cleaning it but I have learned how to do what I need to enjoy life.  I have also tried meds but they have not helped

Permalink Reply by Joan M Vincent-Hanlon on April 20, 2011 at 8:40am

Hi Nancy:

 

I can relate completely to your situation.  I am also alone, 55 yrs. young, no kids, etc.  My mom passed in 2007 and I've not been OK since that day.  I have all I can do to get out of bed in the morning and since I recently lost my job and health insurance due to the mess we have made for ourselves there really is no motivation left.

 

My mom and I were best friends.  She had several strokes, each leaving her more and more debilitated and then the final insult ... Alzheimer's.  Awful hardly describes it.  I sat by, helplessly, as she lost her mind and hadn't a clue who I was.  After years of holidays, birthdays and vacations ...  all drifted away with her. 

 

We know we have to go on but, easier said than done.

 

Whoever said "time heals all wounds" should be shot at point blank range.  It just gets worse with each passing day.

 

So, know that you are not alone.

 

Joni

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Amy Kolacz on May 13, 2011 at 3:12am

Nancy!!! *hug* I am the same. I was ill before my mother's death,  and then got better just before she died.  I shower every other day...which took alot of time.  I tried to work but alas I just couldnt bear it  even with pills, grief counseling and doing an "award winning performance" for those who didnt understand my pain.  And no im not suicidal either I couldn't bear to put other through this kind of pain.  Nancy sweety one step at a time is very important, try taking a shower 3 times a week, not because you should no no because think, really think would your Mom want the rest of your life to be this, alone, sad and stinky hehe.  I make light because thats what I had to remind myself.   My mom had lotsa flaws but her strength was from me being happy.  Soo no u dont just pick up and carry on. you take it day by day , hour by hour and just add one more shower...dont shave just a quick five minute clean.  in the end you'll feel better.  Also make sure your eating as healthy as you can.  I drink but started eating again finally, took months... and I believe that your mom is by your side everywhere you go not because she's stuck here as aghost but because she is watching over you from wherever she is.  Another tip when in the shower talk to her, cry tell her how much it hurts even though your glad she's happy now.   Tell her your day or your week or you moment. noo one can hear, its just you and her so take advantage and when the water surrounds you picture her arms surrounding you in that stream and just the light of an amazing woman surround you as her personality surrounded you in life. :) u may message me anytime and Nancy if u need to talk outside of here I will release my # to you.  You are loved and not just by your mom, she was just the most obvious one.

Permalink Reply by Rachel Lynn Schuler on June 10, 2011 at 9:49am

yes I do Nancy....I've been better about it, but when my mom died, I didnt eat much of anything and my health suffered....I showered but not very often....now I try and shower once a day, but not always....its hard to make the effort....I have been doing better, but it does happen so dont beat yourself up....my dilemma is that my apartment could be alot cleaner, I let alot of that go.....you are not alone, and dont beat yourself up, but slowly try and take better care of yourself, and I am telling you you will feel better....I got my hair cut, I put a little makeup on, I feel better....showering relaxes me and it only takes minutes so try and make the effort....but it does happen

Permalink Reply by mercy on June 11, 2011 at 1:35pm

I know what you mean. I'm engaged and have a little 18 month old baby girl. If not for her, I would not even brush my teeth or bother to cook or do anything else for that matter. My fiance has pretty much done everything for the last two weeks since I lost my mom. If I had the choice, I would stay in bed all day and take sleeping pills. I also have a full time job and I can barely put a wardrobe together to go to work. Its just so hard, the world without mom is a scary, dreadful place.