Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
I am still so angry that Mom is gone. Things weren't supposed to work out this way. Having ulcerative colitis is no pleasure for anyone, but most people respond to the medicines available to treat this condition and they stablize. Why oh why couldn't my wonderful Mom have been one of them!
The other night I was alone in the house and kept crying and yelling out loud "It's not fair!"....I am ashamed that this happened (even though no one else knows) because I sounded like a little kid who didn't get the toy they wanted for Christmas.
I miss Mom so much and no one else in my family seems to care that she is gone. I don't have anyone other than my psychologist to confide in and I only see her once a week. I wish I had someone to talk to and offer me some comfort. This is pathetic, but last week I was in a Hallmark card store and was tempted to buy myself a small teddy bear so I would have something to hug.
I feel like I am at the bottom of a deep well and can't climb out!
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Hi Jayne
Thank you for your post. I am doing a little better, but it's still so hard.
Have you thought about going for grief counseling? I find that it has helped me.
Anyhow I came across a lovely poem the other day about losing a loved one and wanted to share it with you. Here it is:
Death is nothing at all
Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you; whatever we were to each other, that, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used, put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we shared together. Let my name ever be the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.
Henry Scott Holland 1847 -1918
I'd like to tell you it gets better, but not much. My Mom has been gone 12 years and the pain is still just as raw. She had mini strokes and dementia and died at a young 74. She and my Dad walked every day (he was 69 when he passed) she never smoked or drank. Her brother, lived to 84 and he drank like a fish!! He biological mom was 84 too when she passed and also drank. Makes no sense. My Mom who was the most generous and giving and loving person, died young and in a horrible way. I cared for her and in her moments of lucidity she would tell me how horrified she was that I was having to care for her in her state. I assured her that she'd have done the same for me...I loved her so much. I wish I had a way for the pain to get better but it does become not quite as raw but I think I will forever ask why others who did so much to their bodies have lived so much longer. Keep talking to her!!!
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