Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Hollowell on May 17, 2012 at 12:04pm

Thanks Karen. I like coming here too because it helps me share my feelings about my mom and talk to others who know how I feel. Its helping alot.

Permalink Reply by Kris Baclawski on May 17, 2012 at 9:59am

Hi Jennifer:

It's been almost 11 months since I lost my mother unexpectedly.   The last 3 weeks have been difficult as her birthday was the end of April and of course, then there was Mother's Day.   Like you, my mother never got the chance to say goodbye either as she was wheeled in emergency surgery.   And I didn't get the chance to tell her how much I loved her either.   My last words to her while she was conscious were to tell her that I'd be scared as well to have the surgery.  

What Mom did leave with me was a fighting spirit--a kind of resilience if you will.  In her 88 years, she lived through the Depression, WWII (and losing her 1st cousin), fought to get her Ph.D., raising 4 kids to adulthood, the early deaths of her own mother (stroke) and brother (accidental gunshot), and a less than idyllic marriage.   She left behind quite a legacy in me and my siblings as almost everyday I recognize her influence on my perspectives and my life.  A pragmatic woman and educator, she taught us about living in and learning about the world, loving the out-of-doors, working hard, and making a difference. Recognizing that your momma yet lives in you is one way to "get on with life".   Make her proud.  She's closer than you realize.  God bless.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Hollowell on May 17, 2012 at 12:06pm

Im sorry for your loss Kris, and I know how you feel. Im trying very hard to make my mother proud and I hope she knows that. I have two more years left to get my bacholers degree and my mom was vey adament about me getting it so Im doing it for her now. Im gonna make her proud.

Permalink Reply by Sandra Nichols on May 18, 2012 at 10:33am

Hi Jennifer, First I am so very sorry about your mom.

I lost my mom last November and I can say honestly, I'm not ready to get on with my life, yet. Things will never be the same, I know but, I'm still in the grieving process. I'm taking one day at a time. It seems like we all have that thing in common about not telling our mom's enough how much we loved them and appreciated them. I too feel like I took for granted every second we had together. I talk to mom out loud and pray she can hear me.  

It sounds like you are doing great with your degree and I don't see how you could feel ok or normal so soon! I can share what I am doing, now and maybe some of this will give you some ideas. . I have signed up to talk to a professional after waiting about 6 months. I"m making sure I get enough to sleep and eat well. There are days when I just lay around and days I just can't sleep and feel really achy. This online supoport group is also great to stay in contact with. We have so many things in common here. Take care of yourself Jennifer. Your mom would want you to stay healthy.   

Permalink Reply by Tina W on May 19, 2012 at 11:13pm

Im sorry to hear about your mom passing, I know your probably tired of hearing that from everyone tho but I'm going through the same thing you are. My mom passed on April 9th very unexpectedly at the age of 44. I also lost my dad Jan 28 very unexpectedly, he was only 47. It's only been about a month and a half since my mom passed but 4 months since my dad and I still think about them everyday and I too have guilt about not spending enough time with them. Nothing can make that feeling any better, not any kind words from someone telling you to cheer up just nothing. I always ask myself the same question, how am I supposed to continue living life normal, well I realized your not going to. I don't really have any advice for you I just wanted you to know that your not alone. The million tears you will shed, the anger, the guilt, the heart wrenching pain and the complete sadness someone else truely understands and knows how you feel. Before this website I thought I was all alone in feeling so hurt until I read the heartbreaking stories of others and everything they were going through and realized I wasnt alone. It sounds messed up but at the same time was releaved to know I wasnt alone. I wish you the best, I really do.

Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on May 23, 2012 at 6:54am

Tina,

I like what you write. Yes, we are all here for eachother and this website saved me from probably going insane after my mother passed June 26, 2011. She was all I had.

Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on May 23, 2012 at 6:52am

Jennifer,

I lost my Momma June 26, 2011. Almost 1 year ago. When you momma passes on to the next world, she is still your momma. You are still her daughter. She is just not physically here like she once was. You will be reunited with her again. This I promise you. You survive now by being the best person you can possibly be until your time to leave this earth comes. That could be any minute, any day. I survive by living in the MOMENT period. You honor your mother in every way you possibly can. It is not easy. But it is do-able.

Your mother (father) and God are the three things in life you honor more than yourself. This life is not able what most people think it is. We are here to learn. Your are learning about pain, grief, loss.... right now. Your most cherished person has left this earth and you have to deal with it.

When we go to Heaven (whatever you choose to call it), we are asked to judge ourselves. Live your life preparing to judge yourself. I was never a super religious person until I watched my mother pass into the next world.

My mother has called me 3 times on my cell phone and left messages "Sue it's Momma".. "Sue it's Mom"...

She and I share December 19th as our birthday. Notice I say "share" not "shared". Everything remains the same except her physical self is no longer here. I am here for you. Sue