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Comment by Mel Joyce on June 10, 2010 at 6:19pm

i am here, been busy with my dad's affairs. finalizing with my sister and aunt on what to do with the reminder of his stuff. I has been hard the past week. I still shake my head and think this is all a nightmare. I called my dad on my cell twice not thinking about it and was wanting to share my dad with him and didnt realize it until the phone rang no service. I am on antidepressants and increased my dosage and been taking some sleeping pills. I am also dealing with my best friends moving away. They have been such a support to me during this time. Buy groceries, taking my kids, making me dinner and just hanging out. I am really going to miss that. So i am preparing for some rough days, but we will see. Only the Lord knows. Overall, just hanging in and trying to keep busy so my mind doesn't overthink too much and i start driving myself crazy. I do miss my dad and with Father's day coming up, i am not to sure how to celebrate and don't want to leave my husband out of the celebration. So we will see. thanks for checking in. Take care & God bless ya.

Comment by Courtney Adams on June 10, 2010 at 11:12am

Well today is an easy day...but tonight it might get rogh but I hope everyone is doing well i worry about you guys when I havent heard fromn you....I hope faith is keeping you guys sane...Its hard but I know that its what my dad would have wanted...I met a guy and he reminds me of my dad and he has diebetes like my dad...I know I want my dad back is that why I get really sad when I dont hear back form this guy!!!...IDK...I do know that no matter what I need to keep my faith...Hope you guys are good!!

Comment by Courtney Adams on June 4, 2010 at 6:05pm

@Pat I am sorry you had a rough day!!....I wish there was something I could have done to help you today!!....I know its rough....Things happen to us and the one person that we always turned to is not here so we get more out of control....When you think about we really should be sad or mad or even happy.....I fell like we should be blah, nothing......I shouldnt be happy he is in heaven and not here....I shouldnt be mad because its not his fault....and I shouldnt be sad because he wouldnt want me to be so what can I be.....But then I think about this how would I want someone to feel if I passed....I would want them to be happy....Thats when I smile and think just for you dad I will....It helps to do things just for them!!!...I hope you get better and do better!!!!

Comment by Patricia Melton on June 4, 2010 at 5:14pm

Ok Folks I completely lost it today. It was terrible. First off I stood up and stretched and got my hand caught up in our ceiling fan. I nearly broke my thumb or at least it felt that way. I cut it too. No ER just hubby tending it. It is really sore right now. Then I got involved with my sons problems and I went on a rampage and don't really know why. I feel terrible for my husband and son. They took the brunt of it. I then completely fell apart and started crying. Not at all like me. All I could think about was I wish Dad was here to help me. Not going to happen. I finally got myself under control and apoligized. My son hugged me and said it was ok. My hubby is a saint and always helps me. The best thing that has happened today is my son finally got a job. He starts Monday. He has been with no job since December. We have been supporting him with us on not much money. Maybe that was part of my problem too. Thanks yall for letting me vent yet again.

Comment by Courtney Adams on June 3, 2010 at 2:29pm

@Mel tahnks that poem is my favorite last year on fathers day I gave my dad that poem on his facebook....I look back at that same comment name and I cry. The memories flood back in my mind and I dont know what to do, so I sit and cry.....Your very lucky Mel becuase your dad got to wakl you down the aisle and mine didnt....He always said he would be there to do it when I was ready...I dont know now what I will do if I ever get married.....@Pat This fathers day is goign to be hard on all of us...but taht is the joy alos because we have made good friends here....and our dads are watching us looking on us....all we have to do is look up and say happy fathers day...They know we care, I am sure they are watching us grow into wonderful ppl now...no matter how old we get they will always watch over us and guide us in their mysterious ways....Thanks again guys for always being here when I need someone to talk to!!!....Courtney!!!

Comment by Mel Joyce on June 2, 2010 at 4:00am

i know what you mean. i cry my self to sleep too. i get up when it's real bad because i don't want to disturb my husband either. today has been rough, i feel sick to my stomach and my heart aches. I feel numb and distant. I was thinking of the day i got married. My dad was so proud, I felt like such a princess and was beautiful moment in time, dancing with my dad. He twirled me in circles, i loved it. Hang in there Patricia. It's not a bad thing to cry, you body and mind is suffering the loss and its everything in your whole being that is purging all the sadness. I don't know who long it will last but it's just a testament to the great love you had for your dad. Keep your chin up and reflect on the good times, embrace the warmth and love that those memories bring back. Forever in your heart! Love & God bless you my friend. Mel

Comment by Patricia Melton on June 1, 2010 at 10:21pm

@Mel, Thanks for posting that poem. Its great. I don't know about yall but I am having a real hard time at night. I just dread going to bed. I guess its because I don't sleep. Its quiet and I start thinking. I try not to but it just creeps in and I start crying. I try not to disturb my husband but sometimes I do. Today was 6 weeks since he died. I always have a hard time on Tuesdays. I really am not looking forward to Father's day and then 19 days after that was his birthday. I'm not sure if I will be able to attend church on Father's Day. Thanks for letting me vent again.

Comment by Mel Joyce on June 1, 2010 at 9:40pm

Been having a rough day today. Letting go is so hard. I found this poem and it made me feel better and reminded me so much of my dad. I thought i would share with you. Not looking forward to the first father's day without my dad. Trying to be tough.
**************************************

What Makes A Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,... See More
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... "DAD!”
Author Unknown

Comment by Courtney Adams on June 1, 2010 at 5:43pm

@Mel This pain is hard to bear I know....I have been having dreams about my dad...I dont know what to do....Its weird to have this dream is always about the same thing...Him finding a way to come back to life...I wish that I could bring him back to life...I know that if it was possible I wish we could have our dads!!....I know that dad is watching me hopeing i am making him proud....He has mad me proud!!!...I am glad that I have found such good friends on here to talk to!!!

Comment by Mel Joyce on May 26, 2010 at 3:58pm

@Courtney, thanks. I appreciate your kind words. Talking about my dad is on and off, a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes its good and others is bad because it makes me so sad. I feel such a sickness or ackiness in the pit of my stomach that radiates throughout my whole being. AT times the world seems dull and muted because my head echoes, "My dad is dead." So my mind fights back and forth with the reality of it all and I too try to think that he is on vacation sometimes or that i am and i will get a chance to catch up with him sooner or later. I miss his goofy jokes, i miss his rantings on various subjects that after 5 minutes i check out of the conversation, and now, now i wish for a simple "Hello!" from him. I know that it is a process and sometimes i feel strong and others not so much. It is still moment by moment and the loss of a loved one is hard to bear. But, i know it's part of life and their is no manual on how to complete this experience, so i will take it in stride and have my moment of triumph and my moment of defeat. Lord grant us all the strength we need in all circumstances. Love & God bless and your family.

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