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Comment by Courtney Adams on October 21, 2010 at 10:45am

@Brenda Its hard i know.....But they say times will heal to me that is not true....Nov will be a year that my dad had passed and I think time doesnt heal it, time just eases the pain.....I think that within the first year its hard and it will continue to be hard....but after that you will feel a lil lighter because your going to ease into it....At least that is what I did and everyone has their different ways of doing it, but I do know that the first year is the hardest going thru the holidays....But its ok you have use...This to me is like an online family!!!......I know that if you need anythign anyone here would be glad to help....Keeping you in my prayers!!!

Comment by Brenda Fassbinder on October 19, 2010 at 8:23pm

I lost my dad, Aug. 16, 2010 and it seems like yesterday. I think of him everyday and the last days we spent together. He would have been 90 on Sept. 14, we decided to have an early birthday party for him and my mother, she will be 80 in November. Over the last few years dad's health had been failing, he had a bout with liver cancer and had treatments for that and got a clean bill of health. For the last year he had been losing blood and they could not find out where it was coming from. On Aug. 14, we had the party and all of dad's grandchildren, great-grandchildren and great-great grandchild was there along with all of his nieces and nephews and all six of us kids. He talked with each and everyone at the party, which was well over 200. My brother, husband and I took him and mom home and on the way home he commented on how many people was there and that he knew everybody and talked with everyone. After we got them home, dad sat down in his chair and thats when things went bad. My husband and brother went back home and I stayed with them. It was like he just let go. I called my two sisters and told them to come, that I couldn't get him up and needed help. While I was waiting for them, he told my mom, I'm going now mom, goodbye. Mom didn't tell me that until after the funeral. When my sisters got there, I called the ambulance and we took him to the hospital. Most of the family was there when he passed away at 5:45 p.m. on Aug. 16. The funeral was a blurr, except for the trip out to the cemetery where my co-workers, (I work for the sheriff's dept.) had a 5 squad escort to the cemetery where there was a military service. I miss him so much, will I ever feel better? I cry every day when I think about him.

Comment by Courtney Adams on October 11, 2010 at 10:02am

@Mel....You always know what to say....I am blessed to get one here and know that you are doing good...I miss hearing form you ....@Gab......I hope that this site, mel, and I have helped you because we are always there when you need us!!....I will keep you all in my prayers!!!..Hope you all are doing good!!

Comment by Mel Joyce on October 10, 2010 at 12:44pm

@ Gab, sorry for your loss. this site has been helpful to me. I lost my dad this year in March and i am still experiencing a lot of firsts without him, birthdays and such. IT is hard, I am sure you know what i mean dealing with your grief for five years now. But i do think it is about surviving. By definition, 'A survivor: a person who continues to function or prosper in spite of opposition, hardship, or setbacks.' We have to choose everyday to make it another day. Our grief be can so debilitating because we feel the loss of our loved one is too great and hard to bear. But we have to remember we are survivors, our dads would want us to live life and live it to the fullest. I have said the best thing we can do for them now is keep them alive in spirit, keep their legacy alive so people will see him through you. After all his blood flows freely in you, so in essence he is with you always. When you feel weak just stop and close your eyes and think of all the wonderful memories and believe me that helps, it feels like a warm hug of comfort. I hope that helps a bit, keep choosing to live fully. This past week has been a bit sad for me, my sister's birthday was Oct. 4. So we both missed him alot, he was the first to always call and sign his special birthday song to us. So we talked a lot about him this week. But i did realize that i do feel the void, however, i am not depressed, or complete anguish. I just have the longing to hear his voice and listen about his day. One thing we both realized. My dad's death was unique. He died on March 4th. My birthday month is March and my sister's birthday 'DAY' is the 4th. So we felt that his death still was significant because he still shares our birthdays with us. So it is little things like this that remind you he is still around, and i thank God that my dad was saved. My church friends and grief share group were too great support groups for me outside of this online group. So, if anything else that i can say to help you, it would be look into GRIEFSHARE.ORG I will keep you in my prayers. Love & God bless you.

Comment by Courtney Adams on October 7, 2010 at 8:18am

@GAB I know that sometimes it hurts, and I am not going to sit here and tellyou that with time the pain goes away. The thing is with time the pain becomes easier....I know it hard to look back but when it first happen you were different than you are now.....This site this group helped me with all of my feelings....With all of my pain.....I know that if you allow it this site will do the same for you.....I am here if you ever need totake you can send me a message if you want to talk private....But Gab your dad is looking over you and saying look at my lil girl i am so proud.....GOing thru the days i think about the good times it helps me smile and get back on track on how my life is suppost to be now that my dad is gone....I know that when it first happen you felt like you couldnt bare to live anymore...I felt that too....Now I am ok with what happen...My dad has always been there for me since i was 13...He was blood but my step-dad was my dad!!!....He promised me to walk me down the aisle when ever i chose to get married...and I am graduating college in FEB. and he wont be here to see it....Now I think about it and he has the best sit in the house!!....I AM happy that he is in a great place and that he is in such a great place that he can look down on me anytime he wants...and to be honest he comes to me all the time!!....In my dreams we talk and lil things move and make sounds around the house!!!.....So take your time the pain will easy but never go away at least that is teh way I look at it!!! Take care Gab and If you need anything let me know!!!

Comment by Courtney Adams on September 9, 2010 at 10:49am

@TAB Your welcome....I know when my dad first passed away I thought i will be ok, then I was getting worst.....I was thinking back to suicide thoughts...I was argueing with my mom all the time...I just knew that things would just get worst...so I took my first step and went to therapy and joined this site and now I am I have come to peace with my life and now I know that life is not going to come to an end when someoen dies but it is up to us to keep living and passing on the knowledge and the spirt that they have gave us we should pass forward to others....I hope you guys are doing well...and I will keep you all in my prayers!!!

Comment by Tabatha K. on September 2, 2010 at 9:21pm

@Mel &@Courtney - thx for the support. It helps coming here & reading posts by you all & others. It helps to know that I am not alone!

Comment by Courtney Adams on September 2, 2010 at 11:21am

@Mel YOur such an insperation when I come and read your posts...You have made it easy on me to have the fatih I do. I know that in time things will get better.....I am so glad that your doing good...and that you are talking to your dad in your own lil way ...I have those dreams where science brings him back and he sits in the kitchen talking to me about how he worries about mom...I am the only one in my family who has dreams like that.....I have had a lot of weird things happen to me....No one else in my family has....ON the day that we buried my dad all of the kids wrote him a letter....Mine told him as long as he visited me in my dreams that I would be nice to my brother...well so far he has kept his end of the deal and I maintain mine....I am glad that you have shared you feeling MEL and so glad to have met you, and again thank you for your words and wisdom....Best wishes to you all!!!!

Comment by Mel Joyce on August 31, 2010 at 2:49am

Hey all, hope everyone is doing good. I have been doing better. I have been having surreal moments where i am talking to my dad or dreaming that we talked as we normally did, then i snap out of it and realize he is gone. Bums me out but also feels like a hug because i can feel his presence. I get a sick feeling in my stomach but not the gut wrenching kind that i use to where i felt complete anguish. It's just a longing followed by deep sighs knowing that he is not here. On the bright side, i am coping better and still have my own conversation with him and tell him that i love him and miss him so much. So to all of you out there, i pray you are strong, i pray you feel the love of your daddy and the love of friends and family who just want to lift you up in your time of need. Keep you head up and focus on what gifts, talents, stories, legacies that your dad left you and share. Definitely pass along what a great person he was and know that he is always a part of you and lives in your heart and mind forever. God bless you all and be strong in the Lord. Mel :)

Comment by Courtney Adams on August 30, 2010 at 10:48am

@Tab I know its hard but when it is time for you to, not move on, but to embrace the wisdom that your father has given you all those years....I know things will get better....for me going to church and spending time with my family is what makes me feel closer to him.....@MEL I know what you mean there are still times i sit and cry....I thought my whole life i dont want to live with regrets and now I only have one....and that is I didnt take enought pics with my dad!!!.....I see all these pictures with my family and friends and realize I dont hardly have any with him.....IDK what I could do to make myself feel better......@Carolyn I understand with your mom...She has her way of coping and you have yours....Its not that she has forgotten its just she wants that compainship and she doesnt know how to cope with your father not being there....Just take time and let her know that all you want is for her to be happy I promise that it will get better!!!......@PAT I am here if you ever need anyone!!!...Know that when it comes to coping it easier to talk to someone who doesnt know you very well and just have them listen to your problems.....ALSO @ CAROLYN ADD IF YOU WANT tinker4pinker for yahoo and we can talk if you need someone to talk to....LOVE YOU ALL and GOD BLESS!!!....Courtney

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