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Comment by Mel Joyce on November 16, 2010 at 3:14am

I am sure you all are having some emotional times. With birthdays and holidays coming up, it's hard to think or focus without thinking of your dad. It pierces your heart and the pain is numbing, what will it be like? This week I am still thinking on my dad, his birthday was last week and i still feel some much hurt and emptiness. I have been going thru cycles of crying, a flood of tears, i try to be strong but it just hits me like a crashing wave. I have my moments and i know it will be like this on and off throughout the holidays, all my 'firsts' without him. It really knots up my stomach and i can feel myself drifting back into my zombie like state, not caring. So I will continue to pray for you all and you continue to pray for me. It will be hard, but keep working on being better through a support group, counseling, medication, this website group, whatever it takes, don't let yourself get beat down, take each moment, cry if you need to cry, be mad if you need to be mad, whatever emotion you have, don't bottle it up, but don't be harmful either. Just process everything, it will all be the first time we go through all this without our dads. So Lord keep you my friends, give you strength and comfort when you need it and just focus on the good times. Love & God bless you all.

Comment by Lisa on November 15, 2010 at 4:15pm

I lost my Dad February 20, 2010. His birthday is coming up December 5th..I'm having so much trouble dealing with this...I don't know when I'm supposed to start to feel better. I'm going to a support group at church tonight,,,I sure hope it helps...wish me luck <3

Comment by Rhonda Jones on November 11, 2010 at 5:31pm

My dad's birthday was on November 8, 2010, he would have been 65. This has been such a hard week. I went shopping and kept thinking of things that I would buy for daddy for his birthday. Sometimes, I really think that I am crazy.

Comment by Michael Barry on November 11, 2010 at 12:02am

I lost my Dad on Oct 31, 2010 after a brief battle with cancer. I am thankful I got to spend his last weeks with him but I miss him incredibly. Each morning it seems I have to remind myself that my best friend is gone and I wont be able to talk with him today. His Birthday is coming up on the 28th of Nov and we are having a Celebration of LIfe for him. I have a difficult time focusing as my thoughts always come back to him.

Comment by Mel Joyce on November 10, 2010 at 1:37pm

today is my dad's birthday, or would have been. i woke before dawn and walked to the beach to watch the sunrise over the ocean. I prayed and cried and sang happy birthday to him. I was hurting deeply and wishing to have him here once again. After the sun came up, a bit of clouds came in and on my walk home is began to sprinkle. just a light sprinkle to moisten my face, not that is wasn't already wet from crying, but then i looked up and there was a fully arched vibrant rainbow overhead. I made me smile. I took it as a bit of love from above and that I can still celebrate my dad's birthday and reflect on the wonderful memories and special things he passed on to me. So today, I wish my dad happy birthday!! love you dad and praying you have a wonderful celebration in Heaven. hugs & kisses

Comment by Mel Joyce on November 7, 2010 at 12:39am

sorry to hear that. My prayers will be with you and your family. I hope all the memories will bring comfort to you, i know the pain and the void. The questions that run through your head and the yearning or longing to just have your dad around is like a pulsating vibration throughout your body and mind. It just feels unreal. So, i am sorry. I know what you are feeling. I can only say, take one day at a time, or just moment by moment. I know i had to live moment by moment because anything could set me off in a crying frenzy or i could barely function, so just take moment by moment my friend. My the Lord give you strength and lift your spirit when you feel the hopelessness and just need the extra push to function. Enjoy your family and enjoy the memories they share and celebrate your dad. That is what connects you, the memories and the love. So bask in the love of your dad and feel his hugs and love from above.

Comment by Gerene Keesler on November 6, 2010 at 7:20pm

I am so glad to find this group. My father died 10/10/10. His Celebration of Life gathering is tomorrow. We were extremely close. He had a rare form of salivary gland cancer, Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. I feel so empty without him.

Comment by Mel Joyce on November 4, 2010 at 4:35pm

me too! was listening to a voice recorded message he left me before his died. I cried and cried, my sister and I were just feeling the hurt again. Wanting to chat, sit, give him a hug. Feeling a bit bummed knowing we can't. So i feel your pain and just needed to say "I miss you dad!"

Comment by Demetria Hazelgrove on November 4, 2010 at 3:38pm

i miss my dad - i just wanted to tell someone

Comment by Mel Joyce on October 22, 2010 at 5:19am

@Brenda, May God give you strength and carry you on days that you just want to lay limp in your tears! I lost my dad 7mos ago, march 4. It seems like a blur, a very surreal event in my life. One thing that sticks out in my mind is we rode to the cemetery in a Limo. Seems ironic because all my dad's life he wanted to ride in a Limo. He was disabled and hard to travel with him, but all he wanted was a limo ride, i planned on surprising him with a trip to visit me and a limo ride from the airport this year for the summer or the holidays. It didn't happen. But i remember riding in the Limo and thinking, "Wow, all my dad wanted was a limo ride and now we head out to the grave site in one. Strange, it wasn't something we planned, someone donated it to us as a gift. Just strange. So i know what your mean by the blurr.
But as for feeling better, i learned that the the motto, "time heals all wounds" is not true either. This wound is not about a physical injury or a hurt feelings. It's about a loss of life, a loved one so dear, that it inflicts anguish, causes you to be disorientated, and leaves you with numbness that pierces your soul. I don't tell you this to make you feel worse, but to let you know, that it's okay. YOu don't have to 'get over it', 'you don't have to heal', there is no set time for mourning. But in time it will not be so consuming. YOu will have your moments, rushing flood of tears at the simplest gesture, phrase, or activity. You are on a journey that humans must endure, the key is to keep moving forward. Even Jesus and his disciples grieved and mourned because of death. But still, God put us on this earth for a purpose. We can't throw in the towel. YOu must rely on Him, utter the simple words,"God help me." That is enough. Believe me, i isolated myself about 5 weeks after the funeral, it's been a battle, but i find myself leaning on the Lord a lot now.
It brings joy to my heart to read that your dad had such a special day before dying. It must have been an unexplainable feeling to be surrounded by some many people who loved him. The verse that comes to mind is, John 19:30, "...It is finished!" Just like Jesus, your dad gave up his spirit, he completed his job here on earth and surrendered to the Lord. In John 17:11, Jesus speaks of one day his believers will become one with the Lord. So now, as my dad is gone, what encourages me is that he is made perfect again. Living in a mansion in heaven waiting for ALL of us to be joined as one. Just as John 17 starts out, v.1"The HOUR has come.", v4 "I have finished the work..." That is the declaration your dad made to your mom. He was ready, he was loved, he was overjoyed by the showering and outpouring of love and exalted by such a legacy of people that he has/had in his life. So I encourage to keeping moving, don't give up. Just as you celebrated his life that day, continue to celebrate him, keep his legacy alive because your work here is not finished. Seek out help, not just one avenue helps, look for prayer groups, a devoted friend, counseling, medication, whatever works, but look for different avenues until you can do it on your own. I invested my time in Griefshare, go to www.griefshare.org, i have medication for sleep and panic attacks/depression, and get counseling. So don't give up my friend. One day, we will say, "It is finished." But not now, live your life, your dad would have wanted you too! God bless you!

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