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Comment by Laura on August 5, 2011 at 10:42pm

Yes..I miss my Dad too..He was an amazing man..full of love and life.  I am so sad he is gone..He was such a light in our lives. He was so wonderful..full of love,  and had so many passions. He was born in NY but his parents came from Italy. He spoke fluent italian..and loved his heritage. He liked to cook and sing and dance and garden and live life. He was a builder and he spent the last two years of his life drawing up plans..always hoping that he could build his one last dream house. He was the sunshine on a cloudy day. His eyes sparkled with life right to the end. I suppress alot of sadness about losing him bc who wants to hear that everyday. I miss you Dad..I just do. I told him once before he died he needs to come get me if he see's I am not doing well here without him. He's not cooperated yet!  Maybe he still will. I like going to the cemetary, I never thought I would be one of those people that did that..but I feel close to him there..Now I see why people do that because  its the closest you can come to being near them and I can talk to him and tell him how much I miss him and its funny I actually convince myself he can hear..and then I tell him how mad I am at him for being gone. Ahh,,Death where is the victory, oh grave where is they sting> I guess here its okay to say just how you feel. I'm glad I did. There's something good about expressing how much you love someone. Thats a good thing. I hope one day the pain will be less..for now I am just going to vent what I feel and see where that takes me. laura

Comment by John B on August 4, 2011 at 12:14pm

Found by 'accident' (?) via My Daddy Prayed.wmv http://www.youtube.com/watch?f​eature=player_embedded&v=WwzlJ​y...

 

I sent this Beautiful Soul this link http://www.onlinegriefsupport.​com/group/ilovemydad

 

 

 

Yentl / Barbra Streisand - Papa Can You Hear Me (acapella cover) [HD]

www.youtube.com

For my dad. 6 years today. Jan 11 1964 - Dec 2 2004

http://cassiegravesofficial.tu​mblr.com/ Say anything about my hair and I'll hit you over the head, I didn'...

Comment by John B on August 4, 2011 at 12:12pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWiEfXhejnw&feature=related

Comment by Janelle Lauer on August 3, 2011 at 4:27pm

On June 19th, 2011 my dad was diagnosed with advanced liver cancer.  He had hepatitis all of his adult life.  When people get diagnosed with cancer, they get to do all the things they've always wanted to do.....or get to do the "one last time" list.....let's go to the cabin "one last time".....let's eat at your favorite place "one last time", etc.  My dad didn't get to do any of those things.  He passed away July 9th.  It was too short and I hope one day to not be angry.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 9, 2011 at 11:53am

Hi Melissa.  You know - I totally get where you are coming from in wondering if your dad is okay.  I don't hear a lot of people talk about that, but I have worried worried worried.  Part of it is due to the fact that my dad had PTSD from child abuse inflicted on him as a child.  The abuse was so severe that he was left handicapped for life and got Parkinsons from blows to the head, so that type of abuse is hard to overcome.  His PTSD caused him to have behaviors and for a few years in his mid life caused him to drink a lot to escape the pain of his body's handicaps and his abuse memories.  The church I grew up in told me he was evil for this and assured me and him bad things would happen when he died, and this caused him to be terrified as he was dying.  This is why I felt so bad when I left him.  But, he did pray many prayers for forgiveness,with a final one occurring just a few hours before he died.  But, still, when you grow up in such a hateful church that tells you such horrible things from the day you are born, well, you can't help but worry about your loved one and wonder if they are okay.  I sent an email to our Coach Diana, but it doesn't appear that she wrote me back.  I was so devastated by this worry of whether he was okay that I just needed to talk to someone and get some reassurance, and that is why I wrote to Diana on a personal email.  At the same time, I am seeing enough After Death Experiences that I have to ask if either maybe what we are taught about the afterlife is not fully understood by those who teach it to us.  I've already told you about some after death experiences I had in previous posts - the dog my dad sent me from the other side, the huge rainbow that stayed in front of my car for five miles even though I turned and ended up also being in front of my nieces house in another city, etc.  Well, another thing that has happened is that my dad died at 4:25 in the morning.  The next morning at 4:25, my phone rang.  When I answered it, no one was there.  And, the call did not register on my call log even though calls always register.  About a month later, I was so worried about him I asked God to give me a sign he was okay.  At 4:25 the next morning, my phone rang again and again it did not show up on my call log.  Well, last night my phone rang a little before 6:00 a.m. I realized then that there was a feeling that went along with those rings - I knew it was the same type of call.  I got up and picked up the phone and again it cut off and the call did not register on my call log.  It was not 4:25.  It was almost 6.  I freaked out.  I began to worry for him.  I thought maybe he was calling to tell me he needed help, and I was laying there crying and thinking - but I'm here and he's there and there is no way i can help him.  Fifteen minutes later I got a text from my niece.  I did not even know she had gone into labor.  My dad's great-grandson, my grand-nephew, was born just a few minutes before the phone rang.  I don't know what my dad was telling me with that one - maybe he just wanted me to know my nephew was born or maybe he wanted me to know he'd be with the child, so I should be looking for him around the child.  My niece thinks he will be her son's guardian angel as signs have shown us that grandparents are around all of her other children.  I don't know what it means, but I do know that I've learned enough from these that I absolutely believe that you felt your dad with you yesterday and that is what those temperatures you were feeling were about.  And, I think it is okay for you to be mad at God.  I was really mad at God after my mom died and feel some of it now with my dad.  God loves us - he can handle it just like our parents could handle it when we were little kids and got mad at them cuz we didn't like what they were trying to teach us.  I was going through the store the other day and thinking - he had just retired; he had just got his flea market business off the ground; he had one great summer with his flea market business that made him the happiest he'd been in decades - and then he got so bad over the winter that he never got to go back to his flea market business.  It seemed so unfair.  But, maybe they have so much better where they are now that these things that seem important here aren't so important any more.  I hope your dad continues to visit you.  I hope my dad continues to visit me.  That is - as long as it doesn't take anything away from them to do so.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on July 1, 2011 at 8:27pm

Melissa, I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time.  I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.  I think you have every right to be angry that people expect you to just be over it.  That is so unfair.  Every grief support group I've gone through has said that there is not time frame and you need to be allowed to take all the time you need.  That is what the grief experts say - that you take all the time you need.  Three months really isn't that long ago at all.  I lost my dad two months ago, and it feels like yesterday most of the time.  I can understand how you can be mad at your dad for not going to the hospital.  I can kinda understand why he made that choice though as I'm a lot like your dad.  I'm terrified of doctors due to bad things that happened in the past, and I often put things off longer than I should.  I guess I'll leave an angry family member behind one day if I can't get over the doctor phobia.  I just know that he was not in any way wanting to hurt you and would not want you to be hurt.  About a month after m dad died, I was so worried about him wondering if he was okay that I asked God to let me know he was okay.  Early the next morning my phone rang at the exact same time he died but the call did not show up in my call call log.  The same thing had happened exactly 24 hours after he died.  Maybe if you still feel you need those signs, maybe you can pray and ask God for another message.  Maybe you will get one as I did.  I can't guarantee it, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on June 28, 2011 at 11:58am

Melissa, I'm so sorry about the loss of your father.  I think it is normal to feel helpless and lost, but I know it is very uncomfortable to feel that way.  I think the thing that might help is to find people you trust to talk about it.  And, please do know that you will feel better with time.  It will not always be that way.  My dad died two months ago, and I felt very helpless and lost.  It is improving, although some days I do still feel that way.  You know, one thing that helped me is that I had some of those After Death Experiences (read that part of this website) and realized my dad was telling me he was okay.  That made me feel some better.  Are you having any after death experiences - dreams or rainbows or other things.  When I read that and realized I was having some of those experiences, I felt a little less lost and helpless.  Well, I still felt lost I guess, but I felt less helpless.  I'm not sure how to explain it.  Maybe that will help you too - maybe?  I will say a prayer for you today.

Comment by Melissa Joy Wright on June 27, 2011 at 9:50pm

i recently lost my father to Leukemia on mothers day May 8th, 2011.. I have been feeling so helpless and sooo lost since his passing.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on June 13, 2011 at 7:59am

Hi Liz.  Welcome!  I'm sorry that you need to be here, but am grateful that you found us, so we can help you through this tough time.  Of course it sometimes hits you like a ton of bricks.  It's only been a few weeks.  My dad died April 21, and it still hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes.  I was going through the grocery store just the day before yesterday, and I remembered all the times he went shopping with me on his little Hoverround scooter before he got so sick he had to go in a nursing home, and I just cried all the way through the store.  I didn't care who looked at me funny.  I figured if anyone could judge me when I was in that much pain that there was something wrong with them.  I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to say goodbye.  I think that must be harder when it happens suddenly like that.  You are probably a bit in a state of shock because of how suddenly it happened, or at least that would be my guess.  I will say a prayer for you today.  Hang in there.  It does get better, slowly, over time.  And one thing I've learned in a grief support group I go to in my city - there is no timetable.  Everyone will handle their grief differently.  Just be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself and give yourself the time and whatever else you need to heal from this.  It does get better, but don't let anyone tell you when or how fast that should happen.  It will happen at the best pace for you.

Comment by Liz on June 13, 2011 at 2:59am

My dad passed away on June 1st from a sudden heart issue. I never got to say goodbye. There are times when I feel like I'm doing really well, that I've accepted it and moved on. Then there are times when it hits me like a pile of bricks. I just don't know what to do with myself.

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