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Comment by Nichole Blackburn on September 19, 2011 at 10:04pm

That's what I try to remind myself. How grateful I am to have parents that loved me, and are worth missing. I'm thankful for the time I had with them even though it was cut way too short.

 

Comment by christianlee on September 19, 2011 at 9:54pm

So true. My identity was defined by my parents. When one is missing.....all seems lost. Like a lost soul in life. I am fortunate to have had a dad who wanted to be a dad. So many are robbed of that chance. For reasons unknown. Thank you God for giving me a great dad for 38 years of my life. I am grateful for that.

Comment by Nichole Blackburn on September 19, 2011 at 8:43pm

Ive had a couple of dreams of my mom and dad. It's like, I pray for more because it's better to at least see them there. But then I wake up so sad because they aren't really here. After having a few dreams I just stopped sleeping because it was sooo hard on me when I woke up. It's such a big adjustment. I didn't realize how much of my identity was based in my parents.

 

Comment by christianlee on September 19, 2011 at 6:58pm

Me too. I just want one more hug...one more I love you. I just never thought he would pass so soon. You never think about the most unwelcomed day in my life. Dad was always there for me and was always at home. I've had one dream of dad but keep praying for more.

Comment by Nichole Blackburn on September 19, 2011 at 5:35pm

I lost my dad in January 2011. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. It feels like ... I'm trying not to remember at times because when I do it hurts sooo bad. My dad passed on January 6th in his sleep and I found my mom January 17th , she died too. I have been lost since then. I miss my dad a terrible amount, and my mom too. There are few days I don't cry. I'm only 27, I've lost my grandparents my mom and my dad. I feel ...orphaned. Sometimes I feel angry. They were supposed to ALWAYS be there. But they were in pain....but even telling myself they are in a better place doesn't help. Because I want them here and they can't come back. The little girl in me wants to play soccer with my dad one more time, call him at 10 oclock at night to tell him something stupid or something funny my kid did. I just miss them so much. After it happened, all of it, I found myself doubting my faith...for the first time in my life. I struggled through it and have learned that I don't have to understand God's plan, its bigger than me, I just have to go through it. Somehow, I made it. My parents, my dad, were my best friends. They were there for me for everything. I was there for my dad when he was an alcoholic and went to rehab, when he was sick, when he lost his eyesight, when his kidneys failued, when he went to dialysis, when he got the news that he had cancer and every appointment since then. Through all that I got to know my dad as this amazing man with a heart that I didnt know as a child. I missed out on so much with him growing up and I felt like I was finally getting that back as we grew to forgive and get to know eachother without his alcoholism getting in the way. That was taken from me. I see a diet coke and I think of him, I take my daughter to soccer practice and I remember how he was there for every single practice I ever had, I sit at her school waiting for her and I remember how proud I was to get in his old chevy truck when he picked me up. Grandparents day came at her school and she said to me.... I don't have any grandparents to come to school for me. It broke my heart. I know the emptiness and pain won't ever go away. I wont ever stop missing them. But I have faith that I will learn to be happy. It took me months to laugh again. It may take years, but I know I'll find my happy place again. I just wish I could hug them one more time.

Comment by Elke on September 19, 2011 at 12:17pm

I try to see that in the case of our Dad's dying (I had to make the decision to take my father off life support as I had POA), I think God is looking out for the heart and soul of the one who will be gone, not us. I never wanted to make that decision and I never wanted to watch my father die but I did, because I knew it was what he wanted. Which is why I was able to do it. We always knew his wishes to not be kept alive. And my heart broke and I too think god was not with me that day, or maybe since, but I hold on thinking that he's busy with my dad. Helping him through his new journey as he leaves us. I would rather have god help my daddy than me right now. My time will be soon. I prayed for dreams of my dad too ( I got one glorious dream, but nothing since) and am waiting.... I just think Dad's busy right now with other things... he'll come to me soon. I can only hold on.  There was a line in Ghost Whisperer.. that the soul of a departed one can't come through to you when you're in grief as the veil of sadness is too thick.. they can only visit you when you finally are happy... a thought.

Comment by christianlee on September 19, 2011 at 3:55am

Oh Janice ...the words you write seem to be explaining me. You are not alone. I will pray for you. I do believe in God and hope you will discover that your father is still with you ...I still have bad days and wonder why too. My little boys no longer have a grandfather and I no longer have a dad. I still needed him greatly. So please take comfort in knowing ....I feel your pain. I struggle everyday as well. Take care and God bless you.

Comment by Laura on September 14, 2011 at 6:52pm

There is no time frame on how we get over things..And  you never completely get over losing someone you love so so much.  I cried  at unexpected moments and still do. I wish Andrea you could take a trip to see your family to share some comfort.  Forgetting things is so common.you'll think your losing your mind at times. No one tells you that. The body reacts when there is such a loss..its traumatized  for awhile. Our parents are a part of us..and we a part of them..Its not all that simple. I'm sorry for your loss and everyone here.  Some days you get by breathing moment by moment. Other days you get by longer and when those moments come you sigh a sigh of relief. In the beginning its very very hard and we all feel it.

Comment by christianlee on September 14, 2011 at 6:31pm

I lost my dad June 29th and it still seems like yesterday. He died suddenly from a blood clot. So I started work as well and am forgetting simple things daily. At times it feels as though I'm walking in a fog and everything is in slow motion. I still think of Dad and the day he died. And the fact he died so quickly. when your world seems upside down being forgetful I think happens . I'm sorry for your loss. You are not alone in your sorrow.

Comment by Andrea Clark on September 14, 2011 at 6:20pm

I just joined today. I lost my dad suddenly on August 3, 2011. He died from the aftereffects of a ruptored aorta. My whole family lives in Germany - I am the only one that lives here in the US. I miss my family so much right now. I can't concentrate on work, and I forget the stupidest things. They say this is normal, but it is very difficult right now. I cry at the most inappropriate times. It seems like people at work think I should be over it, but it JUST happened. I am glad I found this place online.

 

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