Comment

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on January 18, 2012 at 2:24pm

Elke - thank you again.  We do forget.  I was so sorry that I didn't have any recordings of my husband's voice; even on his cell phone, I made the recording for him on the outgoing message - he didn't want to.  But I do still remember his voice, and when I dream about him, I hear him.  I don't think I'll ever forget my dad's voice - he was usually annoyed with something... oh well... there were good times, too.

Comment by Elke on January 18, 2012 at 2:16pm

Saw this in a movie and it touched me so much. A little girl who lost her mom told her father that she's afraid she's forgetting her mom, memories of her, how she looked, her voice, etc. Her father said: "it's the soul's way of making you forget so your heart will finally stop breaking..."  

I find myself forgetting.. to say good morning to my dad so I can hear him in my head say good morning back.. memories, etc.  It hurt me but when I heard this, it also made me smile..... I really believe our loved ones really don't want us to hurt like we do... maybe it's their way of helping us..

just a thought I wanted to share.

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on January 18, 2012 at 2:15pm

hi, Elke. Thank you.  

Comment by Elke on January 18, 2012 at 2:14pm

Hi Cynthia.. your comment just touched me so as it's so my father and myself as well.... my father's been gone almost 1 year (can't believe time actually went by..) and I miss him everyday.  I'm so glad he heard you and nodded.. he knew.... hugs.

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on January 18, 2012 at 2:02pm

Hi.  I've been on the "Losing someone to cancer group"; I lost my husband to cancer 11/12/10, then his father two weeks later; I had to give up the dog in May; and my dad just died last Wednesday.  He was 96, he'd had a brief illness, was in congestive heart failure and was in a lot of pain.  On Sunday he told us he was tired "of this" and he was ready to go.  Monday and Tuesday my mom told me he stopped eating and would hardly drink.  My daughter and I went over to see them on Wednesday and he never really work up. I knew he would go soon, but I really didn't think it would be that night.  I sat with him and talked to him, even though he was only semi-conscious.  We tried to make him comfortable; he was on hospice for his illness (even though it wasn't terminal, but it was the only way to get him care - he wouldn't stay in the hospital; he was a doctor; and they DO make the worst patients!).  The last few hours he was on morphine and haldol for agitation, and he died in his sleep.  I had told him it was okay to let go, and he didn't have to fight it anymore; he'd been a wonderful dad and husband and provider, and we'd all (I have three brothers) take care of mom and he could let go.  He actually nodded his head, as if he heard me, and I believe he did.  We were never close when I was growing up; after 3 boys, I honestly believe he just didn't know what to do with a girl. We were so much alike that we clashed most of the time - we were both fiercely independent, we both had to be in control and didn't like anyone telling us what to do or how to do it, so we butted heads a lot.  But I know he loved me; he did a lot for me, and he put up with me!  And I loved him.  A few months ago, I had a moment when I was with him that i knew I had to tell him I loved him while I could, so I did, and I'm so glad I did.  He didn't really know what to do with that, either, but I know he got it, and I know he loved me back even if he couldn't say it (he was not an emotional, touchy-feely person!).  But I have the yarmulke I brought him from a trip I took to Israel over 30 years ago, his prayer shawl and his prayer book.  My brothers didn't want those; but I do.  My mom was never religious, and our upbringing was not religious, but he grew up in a very Jewish home, and having those things gives me a connection to him and  his side of the family.

Sorry to go on; I'm grieving more for him than I thought I would.  Thank you.

Comment by christianlee on January 2, 2012 at 2:39am

Wondering if anyone has become forgetful since their dad has passed? Seems to be little things .....like I'm so consumed grieving dad I forget other things. Some days I just don't feel like I have it all together. And I hate that feeling.

Comment by christianlee on January 1, 2012 at 10:47am

No. I've wrote to her before and received no response ... wish she would reply.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on January 1, 2012 at 10:13am

Hey, I have a question:  has anyone else ever chosen the option at the top "chose a message" by Coach Diane's name?  If so, did you receive a response?  Right after my dad died, I was going through something so horrible in regard to the grief that I didn't want to post it here cuz I didn't want to take other grieving people's minds down the same road mine was on cuz it would have made it worse fro you all.  But, months have passed and I never received a response.  Did I go about posting a private message to her wrong or was I wrong in my assumption that she answered private messages?  If anyone knows, I'd appreciate it.  Thanks,

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on January 1, 2012 at 10:10am

Linda, - typo on my last post, my dad died 8 months ago; not 18 months ago.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on January 1, 2012 at 10:09am

Linda, Hi. I haven't been on for a while.  My dad died 18 months ago.  His last months were abuse in a nursing home, and I've been working on getting that proven since he died, so I remained almost as busy as when I was a caregiver before he went in that awful place.  Fortunately, it has been proven.  The nursing home has been multiply cited and an ombudsman is now at their facility 40 hours a week to protect the elderly who still live there.  So, today, I had time to get on.  And, I saw your message, and I had to reply, because I so understand what you mean.  I will sit down to watch a movie made before he died, and I will think, "He was alive when this movie was made" or "he was alive when we watched that together."  My mom died 7 years ago, and I still do that with her.  My favorite movie in the world is Prancer, and I haven't watched it since she died cuz I sit there and think, "She was alive when this was made."  "She was alive the last time we watched this together."  It's like time doesn't make sense any more.  I don't know what the answer is, but I know what you are feeling.

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