Comment

Comment by christianlee on February 24, 2012 at 11:03am

I feel the same way whenever I go back to the hospital where my dad died...in the e.r. before I got there.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on February 24, 2012 at 7:28am

Tuesday night I went to our Shrove Tuesday Pancake dinner at church.  I sat with a pastor from another church who joined us and an elderly lady from her congregation.  the elderly lady passed out or had a seizure or something during dinner.  The pastor stayed with her, and I ran out to the curb to wave down the ambulance.  The ambulance got there and the driver got out.  I thought I recognized him, or maybe it was just the uniform, from the dozens of times my dad had gone to the hospital.  He got out of the ambulance and said, "Give me a minute.  I have to get some equipment out of the back."  From the moment he stepped out of the front of the ambulance, I started struggling with not crying.  He opened the back of that thing and i saw the inside of the back where my dad had ridden so many times, and I just started crying.  It was dark, so he didn't see it, but I got him in the building to the sick lady and another lady from our congregation came over and asked me if I was alright.  I told her the ambulance reminded me of my dad, and she gave me a hug.  I hugged her for a moment and pulled away and said "We need to focus on this lady now.  She is the priority."  During church service, a man from the other church came up and asked me if I was okay.  Then, after church I shared my story via email with a few people who I knew would support me.  I still miss my dad so much and it's been ten months.  But, I was pleased that my church, most of them, were so nice.  I used to go to another denomination that was too often judgmental about stuff.  I went to a healing service at an Episcopal Church while my dad was dying, and they were so much nicer to me there than the norm that I started going to church there and am considering converting to their denomination.  I am grateful that I have one place of solace.  I often feel dumb when I start crying there, but they never judge me.  I'm so glad to have that one place.  But, I was surprised by how much seeing that ambulance hurt me.  It was like I was there again in a moment reliving all those horrible and scary ambulance rides to the hospital.  I just hope my dad is okay now.

Comment by marie on February 24, 2012 at 7:13am

I may have told you all this before. I just read all of your posts and did not cry!! woo hoo!!! I take days I don't cry as blessings!!! A friend wrote to me after my dad died, "My dad died six years ago, it broke my heart." That is exactly where we are. Our hearts are just broken and that does not heal soon. Another friends said, "One day the memories you have of your dad will make you smile instead of cry." I am longing for those days. Some days are fine and some I cry off and on all day. What I told in my "testimony" the other night was that even though Daddy was sick, that is what page we were on in life, the "Daddy is sick, and we need to go help Momma with Daddy" page. We were on that page for a long time!!! But that is where we were, NOT the "Daddy is gone" page. And I don't like the "Daddy is gone" page. I know it's the circle of life thing, but I was not ready. Like Storyas said you can't love someone as deeply as we did and get over it on a certain timeline. We just do the best we can day by day. You are all such a blessing to me. Thank you for being there.

Comment by christianlee on February 24, 2012 at 2:17am

Sharing same feelings....coworkers keep asking me...you look sad..I lost dad last summer. I was a only daughter and made dad a daily visit with my lil boys by my side. He was not just an existence, he was so much a huge part of my life. Why do people act that way? It seems so rude at times when people ask why I look sad? I guess they haven't lost a parent yet. Having parents defines who we are, when they die a part of us dies too. We then feel lost and have to identify who we are now.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on February 23, 2012 at 8:06pm

Andrea - how can we possibly love someone for 20, 30, 40, 50 or more years and then just get over it in a few days?  I can't even imagine why people would expect that.  I'll be praying for you tonight.

Comment by Andrea Clark on February 23, 2012 at 7:49pm

thank you Storyas for your comments. It helps just to talk to other people that are going through the same thing. It makes me feel less crazy. I know exactly what you mean about people getting impatient. Unless you have been through it, you don't know how painful it is to lose a parent. Everybody expects you to be fine after a couple of weeks. It is not that easy, and it takes time. I am glad you are part of this group!

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on February 23, 2012 at 7:39pm

Andrea, I'm sorry your daughter is not understanding.  My husband did the same thing to me.  Three days after my dad died, I started crying.  My husband told me that I couldn't use it as a scapegoat forever.  What!  Some people don't understand or are in so much pain themselves that they have to shut down.  I have learned that every one grieves differently, and we must be patient with ourselves.  If others are not being patient with you, give yourself permission to be patient with yourself.  I've just made a decision to isolate myself due to me getting similar judgments too often about both the loss of my dad and mom but also about some health issues I have.  I don't know why some people need to define things more than they need to see what is in the lives of others.  I've had health problems lately, and it makes me foggy.  A friend of mine got impatient with me for traveling the same familiar routes when I drive to keep me on track, because some times it was ever so slightly longer.  Another friend got impatient with me for wanting to keep my purse very close, because my blood sugar was dropping very low very quickly and I needed to have my glucose very near by.  I kept explaining and explaining and explaining and still I got resistance.  I kept explaining about my grief and still I got judgment.  So, I finally decided not to be around the people who made my gut feel bad no  matter what my head said.  If I was going to be around someone I was dreading being around, I listened to the dread in my gut.  I'm only seeing people that I look forward to seeing.  It's not my job to help people understand.  It's my job to get me to where I need to be.  I wish you luck in finding the way that works for you.  While you find that way, please do take time to take care of you whether people understand or not.  August is not that long ago.  My dad died at the end of April, and I'm still a mess most of the time.  It took me three years to feel alive again instead of like I was in a bubble after my mom died.  I don't owe anyone any apologies for that and neither do you.

Comment by Andrea Clark on February 23, 2012 at 6:48pm

I am so grateful for this website. Some days I feel like I am losing my mind. My daughter is getting very impatient with me, and thinks I should be over it by now (my dad died in August), but I am not ready to move on yet. Ever since my dad died it feels as if everything is falling apart. I just don't have the energy to pick up the pieces. My husband has been working overtime, and is hardly ever home. At work we had all kinds of things happen this year. All this adds on to my stress. Not sure how much more I can handle...

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on February 23, 2012 at 1:18pm

Marie - you are strong.  We can never know how bad it is going to hurt until it happens.  We can imagine it, but until it happens, there is just no way to know.  I thought I was getting prepared before my dad died, but there is no way to prepare.  I think loosing someone to death is the worst pain we will ever know.  I was born handicapped and have some illnesses that have made me know pain and illness.  There were times my illness was so bad that I thought there could be no suffering greater.  You know what - that was nothing compared with the pain of loosing both of my parents.  As I look back on the times in my life when my physical suffering was so great that I felt not much could be worse and compare it to looking back on my life and remembering the pain of loosing my mom and my dad - there is no comparison.  Nothing has ever hurt as bad as loosing my parents.  You are strong.  Just the fact that you can get up every morning and take a breath and take a shower and eat some breakfast and keep on doing what you need to do to live in spite of this pain shows just how strong you are!  I won't lie to you - it never goes away - but it does get a LOT better with time.  My prayers are with.

Comment by marie on February 23, 2012 at 11:04am

Thank you Christianlee and everyone.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 68
• 69
• 70
• 71
• 72
• …
• 108
• Next ›
• Page