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Comment by Kim on October 6, 2012 at 12:49am

hhmmm... bad day today... miss my dad sooo much... I'm trying to 'dig myself out' of the sadness and remember the happy times... but yet again the sadness takes over... Even though I talk to him daily, it's just not the same... I miss him beyond belief... the emotions are all over the place...sadness, guilt, anger... 6 month annivarsary on Monday... feels like yesterday.... need and want him back...but can't... again I ask...how do I live on?

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on October 6, 2012 at 12:34am

jb - I can't find that visiting hours in heaven picture, but I will try to find it over the weekend and post it.  I think my niece might know where it is.  Sorry.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on October 6, 2012 at 12:25am

The screen turned pink and it said I had too many characters, so I guess I'll have to finish in a second message.  I was cleaning out some of my dad's paperwork this week, and I found a Kit Kat wrapper.  He loved Kit Kats.  At first I smiled from the good memory of watching him enjoy them, and then I started crying cuz he couldn't enjoy them any more.  And, one day this week I had a bit of a cheese ball, and I started crying because I remembered that the last Thanksgiving we had together my mom asked me if I'd make her a cheeseball and then she died before I got it made.  I felt so guilty that I never got that cheeseball made for her, but then I wonder - do they really care any more where they are.  Maybe they are so happy they don't care about cheeseballs any more.  But, I do wish I would have gotten it made for her and brought that little bit more pleasure to her life before she died.  Like your dad, my dad loved sweets.  He always had them stashed away in his drawer, and everyone kept his drawer full for him, because we knew how much he loved them.  He would eat candy all day long and never even gain one ounce.  I've never figured that one out - but my niece is like that too, so I guess she inherited his metabolism.

Have you been to the orthopedic appointment for your shoulder yet?  Is it any better?

It was the same way with my dad - the place where he got the crappy treatment we later found out they treated many people that way.  If I ever get so sick that I end up there, I'll be booking the undertaker before I go too.  If they treat one person that way, they are treating every person that way.

What you said about seeing your cousins and saying you wish everyone could be together again that has passed on but there wouldn't be room - that reminded me of this beautiful picture I saw about visiting hours in heaven.  I will post it on a third message in a minute.

I think I answered most of what you said.  I'll try to be on here more now that things are settling down a little with my husband's care.  Thank you for being so patient when I was away for a month and you were writing.

I guess I'll close now.  I hope you have a good weekend and that your shoulder is doing better. 

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on October 6, 2012 at 12:18am

jb - I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to write back on this group.  I've been on After Death Communication earlier this week, but not been on here for a month.  My husband been sick and I'm pretty much finding myself being a caregiver again.  Thank you for your patience.

I read all of your posts.  let me try to remember everything and answer it.  I can totally understand your fear of doctors.  I have the same fear.  It is so bad with me that it is a phobia, and I am seeing a counselor about it.  I know I have to get over it, but after all the mistakes I saw them make with my mom and my dad and me with an earlier illness and my friend right now - it is hard to trust them.  But, I'm not going to tell you any detailed stories or I will make you even more afraid of doctors than you are now and you will really be putting things off til the last minute.  My dad, like your dad, was that way when he was young, but after he got really sick, he wasn't so bad. He'd go to the doctor most times then.  There was one doctor he hated going to that scared him - I think because a surgery he had had with him was more difficult than my dad thought it would be - so I'd always tell my dad, "You are just going for the test, not the surgery again" and then he would go.  I miss taking care of him at home so much.  He was able to get out then, and we'd do things together.  Even stuff like going out to eat after a doctor's appointment was nice, because I was with him.  I miss him so much.

Like you - I never had children.  I had health difficulties that made it too difficult for me to have children.  I sometimes wish I would have had them, but mostly I'm okay with it, because I have many nieces and nephews I have always been very close to.  It sounds like you have a very large family, so you probably have nieces and nephews too that you are close to.

If I understood you right, you said you have dyslexia.  I had a girlfriend once who had that.  I think you do very well at communicating for someone with dyslexia.  You do much better than my friend did.

You are right - everyone has their gifts.  I want to take beautiful pictures so bad, but rarely do I get a good one.  If I do, it is luck.  But, I can knit - I'm not a great knitter, but I can knit for my enjoyment.  I also like to write stories.  But, we all have our gifts as you said - put a camera in my hand and it may as well be a brick you are asking me to take pictures with.  I am useless.  You take very good pictures.

I like the picture of your dad when he was a baby.  I remember when you showed me a picture of him when he was older once, and you know what - he looked a lot the same when he was a baby as when he was older - he had the same facial features.  He was a cute little baby.  Thanks for sharing that picture.  I don't think I have any pictures of my dad when he was a baby.  My dad's parents were abusive and neglectful and didn't put much stock in stuff like pictures of their kids.  My dad turned out to be such a good man when you consider where he came from and what his parents were like.  I'm going to be copying some pictures tomorrow though, and I will post one if I find one of him when he was young.

It sounds like you and I are a lot alike - there are a lot of medicines I can't take either.  They don't affect me like they are supposed to and most of the time I have to go off of them.  Thank God they found a blood pressure medicine that works good for me as I really needed blood pressure medicine.  My blood pressure was very high from all the stress I've been under the last few years.  Most medicines don't work for me, but I guess God knew I really needed this one, so he led the doctor to give me the one that would work for me.  I'm grateful for that.

I know what you mean about finding your dad's chocolate lollys.

Comment by dream moon JO B on September 28, 2012 at 3:03pm

my mum fonud sum of my dads ice choklite lollys in the freazer he must of hid them ther part of me felt sad coz his not hear any more to eat them and part of me smillied but i felt guilty for smilling coz i havent dun that smilling mush this yer i no he woz all ways hiding sweet stuff he woz any thnk sweat i cud leave on the tabel he wud eat it but leave the rapper on the tabel he used to drink diet coke but he stopet drinking it and start drinking gingear bear but me i cant stop drinking diet coke drank the stuf sinse i woz 14 i now no its bad for u but meds ar worse espesely serten pain killers iv had to stop taking thm myself thy had me loopy and feline like a zobbie id rather hav the pain iv got in my top right arm and sholder i no its swollen and red and painfull still wait for that othapedic apointment if and wen thy get rond to send me it all i seam to get is junk mail my dad still gets mail eye test life insurense get a mobilty car he cudnt even drive i no i cant drive id be scared in case i hit sum 1 im starting to get bac in to my art and having a go at the spelling gamess on line to improve my spelling and to help my dslexia i no teacher ar lot more kinderthese days 

Comment by dream moon JO B on September 19, 2012 at 3:31pm

i saw 1 of my dads old frenid who woz asking how he woz he got a shock wen i told him that he died on that horbel ward and my dads freind mother in law she died on that ward and got the same crappy treament of the english nurses who didnt help he told me i even said to my dads mate if i end up on that ward wish i hope i dont ill book my plase with the under taker u mite as well 

Comment by dream moon JO B on September 12, 2012 at 10:36am

its bean raining today and my dad used to say its rainning wet water

Comment by dream moon JO B on September 7, 2012 at 2:36pm

funny thng i said to mum today coz she woz eating fish fingersas i no i wont tuch fish coz of an embarsent acsedent with a fish bone but i saed to mum how do u no wen a fish has fingerss and mum says u r saying 1 of yore dads joke s wen it sticks 2 fingers up at u for eating it i sum tims hear my dad singing 1 off his funny songs but i no he cant coz his not hear or unless its his spiret or sumthng supernatserallll like tht

Comment by dream moon JO B on September 3, 2012 at 3:21pm

i havent got kids 

Comment by dream moon JO B on September 3, 2012 at 3:20pm

saw 1 of my dads cuzens today and we weer saying if all our loved 1s we lost cud cum bac wed hav a big party only trubl is on my dads side its tht big u wudnt find a room or hall big infuf to fit us all in my granmother kate woz the oldesest of 21 kids i got told 6 sets of twins and my grandad my dads dad i never met him woz the oldest out of 12 i no my family sond big lately th only tim we sea thm is at funralls and wedings and cristnons and ther has bean a bit of a family fued going on fow yrs but i try to keap out of it or big birfdays wen thy hav a party and u still cant fit thm all in onmy mums side its samall but my dads sid is very big 

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