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Comment by Gilda on June 1, 2020 at 12:58am

Welcome, Mary Kay, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I can relate to everything you wrote about the loss of your beloved dad, except I was alone with him in the hospital when he passed away. It's the worst thing in the world to lose the person you love best, no matter what relation they are to you. I don't have any relatives close by to comfort me. I do have a grumpy roommate though who is better than nothing, but now he's in the hospital with Covid-19! These are very stressful times for most people, so I can only imagine how hard it is to lose your dear father. It's horribly hard even in the best of times. My dad also had congestive heart failure and he died just two days after Christmas in 2014.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you will find some comfort in expressing your feelings. Everyone here understands what you are going through. God bless you and give you strength to carry on and support your mother in this time of sorrow.
Even after five years I still miss my dad terribly but the intensity of grief does diminish over time. You never get over it, you just learn to live with it. I wish you the very best as you begin your journey through grief. Take care, and remember you were as much a blessing to your father as he was to you.

Comment by Mary Kay on May 31, 2020 at 9:23pm

Hello,

I am a newbie.  I lost my father on May 22nd at 2.22am. He was 92 years old.  Loosing him is the hardest thing I have ever gone through.  I really miss him.  We were able to have a funeral for him but there were so many things we couldn't do because of the virus Covid 19. My mom, sister and myself were with him when he passed away which was great.  But I just can't get it out of my mind.  He had Alzhiemers and Congestive heart failure.  It was so hard that last week of his life to see him suffer like he did. I have not been able to sleep ever since.  Everyone really loved my dad.  He was such a good person, very passive, respectful and non judgemental.  He made sure us kids had everything we needed when growing up and then was there always for his 21 grand children.  I have some wonderful memories of a full and grateful life my dad gave to me and my siblings.  But I now have this void.  I keep being told he is in a better place, and that is true but I want him here with me and then I feel selfish about that.  I used to think that if I could go before him I wouldn't be in so much pain of loosing him.  The fact that I am never going to see him again is so terribly difficult for me.  I miss him so much.  I love him so much. And have had some unusual things happen since his passing.  No matter how you look at it, there is nothing worse then loosing a parent when it comes to death.  You have known them the longest and they are or should be always there for you.  Both my parents were absolutely wonderful in that area.  I guess maybe it helps to write my thoughts down, good therapy maybe.  But still I will always have this piece of my heart missing, a void in my life.  I want to hold his hand and kiss his cheek and tell him I love him.  But I can never do that again.  I guess that is it for now.  Sorry for this being so long.  Stay safe and healthy everyone.  Thank you for your patience.  Hugs to all that have lost a parent, I understand your loss.  Stay strong and talk to someone you love about what you are going through.  That is the only thing that helps me.  Thanks again.  MaryKay

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 13, 2019 at 2:58pm

yep my dad did 

pluss w e prey int end fr portecsonn we do

evn it beginin we do 

plyss i burnn insess cons lk anglss proteson

or insess sageess 

Comment by Gilda on May 12, 2019 at 9:04pm

dream moon JO B, are you saying that your dad told one of his dirty jokes through the medium at the spiritualist church?   That's amazing!  I have  five different friends who have gone to a spiritualist church to try to hear from their loved ones who have passed on.  They are convinced that the dead live on in the afterlife.  However, I am afraid to go to the spirit church because I heard that bad spirits can imitate our loved ones, too, and I don't want a bad spirit following me home.  One Chinese friend told me that his brother went to an antique store and when he came home, his other brother who is psychic, asked him, "Where have you been, because you brought some spirits home with you."  He had been looking at some old Chinese funeral shrines at the antique shop.   I have heard so many stories from people I know who claim to have seen or heard spirits, that I think they must exist.  

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 12, 2019 at 5:00pm

my dad cu trhu it spookss churchh he did tellin 1 of his dirtyy kokess he did 

but mrdim cud not sayit coz he wud get ong

all i no gilda no 1 gets a losss till thy get it 

Comment by Gilda on May 8, 2019 at 7:43pm

Yes, it would be so nice to have them back just the way they used to be.  Today I had a good cry, because my roommate was mean to me and when I defended myself, then he blamed me for raising his blood sugar.  My dad had diabetes, too, but I helped him get his sugars down to normal, and I helped cure gangrene on his toes from peripheral arterial disease, but this roommate of mine won't let me help him.  I hate to see people destroying themselves and then try to take me down with them.  My dad was such a saint compared to most people.  If only he had watched his diet more carefully years ago, but he didn't want to listen.  He had a sweet tooth and loved refined carbos and processed meats.  And the trouble is I enjoyed these unhealthy foods right along with him, until he started to be ill, and then I felt so sorry that he couldn't enjoy tasty food anymore.  When you have congestive heart failure even a bologna sandwich can send you to the hospital on account of too much salt.  Life is so cruel sometimes, but I thank God that he enjoyed good health for most of his life.  He was a boxer in the army during the Korean War, and he used to walk a lot up these steep hills. In fact, he was so fit, we didn't know he had advanced heart disease until he was in his 80's.  

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 6, 2019 at 3:56pm

yeo

thn bits of mesayin mayb putin dads pic sid me lk we watchin it togerr but im still lk no coz his not hear on personn lk i wsih he wz 

Comment by Gilda on May 6, 2019 at 1:14pm

I feel the same way about my dad's favorite movies. I can't watch them without missing him.  There's a huge part of my life that I lost because I can't enjoy a lot of things anymore because he's not here with me. When I see videos of old films or songs on YouTube that I think he would have enjoyed, it just kills me.  And it hurts even more when I see the video was uploaded while he was still alive.  How did I ever miss it before!  It makes me feel guilty that I didn't look hard enough before.  

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 6, 2019 at 3:15am

me dad luvd harrry pottr moviess we did we wear goin 2 watchh ;lastt 1 p1 thn we wear goin to get p2 of lastt 1 but nevr got rond to doin it i saw p2 of lst 1 in stowee

put cud not get round to byin in it i cud not

not evn watchd lastt 1 p1 yett

bit me feals shud but ojhr bit of me fealss lk no

Comment by Gilda on May 6, 2019 at 12:48am

dream moon JO B, your messages touched my heart.  I feel the same way about my dad.  We also were soul mates.  Once you've known such happiness with another person it's hard to live without it.  We watched Kukla, Fran and Ollie on tv together when I was a girl.   It was so much fun going to the movies together but that pretty much stopped after we got a vcr in 1982.  Then we watched thousands of movies together on videos and dvd's.  My dad's brothers shared his love for the old films and music, but they're gone, too.  It was so much fun when we'd all get together to watch an old western or a musical.  A family favorite was Buck Jones.  I'd love to find a new movie companion.  My current roommate is too grumpy to be much fun.  

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