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Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on January 1, 2013 at 2:56pm

jb - I am sorry you had such a bad 2012.  You had a lot of losses like I have the past few years, so I kinda think I might know what you feel like.  For me, the number one thing is exhaustion - you can't even get over the first thing until you got to deal with the second and third and fourth thing - and sometimes I just want to fall down on my knees and scream - let up a little, I'm drowning under all of this.  I need a break to put this behind me.  Stop piling new stuff on me.  It's so hard when it just keeps hitting like that.  And, not just the losses but the bad hospitals and all that stuff that just makes the other stuff that much worse.  I do pray with all my being that you definitely have a better 2013.  I truly do pray that for you.  I will never forget the day your dad died now - it is two days after my sister, Viola's, birthday.  I will be praying for you that 2013 gets much better.  And, I'm sorry you have now lost your uncle too - although I said that over in the other group so please forgive me for repeating myself.  Also, I tried to look at your videos, but I still can't get them to work.  I will ask my husband to help me with them as soon as he has time.

Joe - I'm sorry you lost your Dad and so quickly.  That makes it harder sometimes when we don't have time to prepare.  I watched that video called I Drive Your Truck that you shared, and I cried through the whole thing.  My dad had a truck he loved more than anything in the world.  My greedy brothers stole it from him before he was even too sick to drive it.  They saw him getting weaker five years before he died and took advantage of his weakness and robbed him blind.  That is when the State brought me in to take care of my dad and my brothers were never allowed around him again.  My dad loved his truck so much.  If I could drive it now, that is where I'd get rid of my grief.  I'd take it out and drive the heck out of it until I felt better.  Now, I wear his denim jacket.  I remember a few weeks after he died I left it in a coffee house and I lost it until I found the jacket, and even my husband though I was nuts.  They don't understand.  I wrap up in his jacket and cry.  I'm glad you have your Dad's truck.  I know my Dad would have wanted me to have his truck, so I bet your Dad wants you to have his truck.  Enjoy it.  That is what your dad would want.

Comment by Joe Andersen on January 1, 2013 at 3:10am

On September 3rd 2012 at 8:03 I lost my Dad to lung cancer.  It has been tough on the whole family and we're still trying to make sence of it.  He was 75 and very active and showed no signs of being sick until mid August.  Less then 3 weeks from dianosis to death.  We all do what we have to do but the pain is sometimes too much to bare.  As hard as it is on us kids and the grandkids, it has to be much worse for Mom.  She's doing the best she can and holding it together pretty well.  I'm just glad that one of my sisters and I live close by so we visit her daily and help whenever we can.  A couple of weeks ago Mom asked me if I would mind if she signed the title to Dad's pickup over to me.  It was a very emotional afternoon and I couldn't bring myself to drive it for a few days.  A couple of days ago I was talking to my sister and she said there was a song I needed to hear.  Here is the link.  It is pretty much the perfect song for this situation and it has caused many tears. 

I drive your truck

Comment by dream moon JO B on December 29, 2012 at 4:28pm

ther is another 1 hear got thse codes mixyt up i hav soryif its the wong 1 http://vimeo.com/524184 vimeo if its the wong code sory

Comment by dream moon JO B on December 29, 2012 at 4:04pm

it looks like i put the wong code in http://youtu.be/zNpeK7sDLze you tube its me not bean good with computers

Comment by dream moon JO B on December 29, 2012 at 4:01pm

i hope 2013 will be beter for evry 1 al the bad luck 2012 has bort it bean 1 bad luck after another janury well went to the take away plase had to tell mum 1 of her frinds brenda had died had the big c but never told any 1 coz she did not whont no fuss i thnk i wud do the same january my dad had a stroke febury got him bavk home i thort the bad luck and news had gone i woz wong 2nd march had to dial 999 for my dad got admited the earikr hours btrean 3am and 4am visting hours at the hopitle 2pm i got a shok of the state of the ward lazy nurses dirty flors and windors puke left on the flour wen i left i saed sea u tomrowo dad love u dad got the telgram bfre 2am to say we had to get up thr mum foned the hopie by the time we got the taxi we got ther 2 late he died at 220am 3rd of march 2012 we got ther at 230 il allways feal guilt geting thr to late thn april we find out anothr 1 of mums friens has the big c thn my cuzens husnad has a heart atack due to coplicasions of dibteras thn we find out anothr cuzens husband has the big c thn come augist well i thnks its augist i sea no 1 sinse my dads funrall thn u sea thm its more news a great cuzen lozes her litle boy giving birth to him he woz still born and she is still in peases over him i herd thn my surgate uncle bill died last month 1 of my dads dersedst best freinds uncle bill woz 95 had he got the same s@@t treatment died on the same ward iv fond som songs my dad wud of loved i no im not good with computers took me 2 yrs to lern to switch 1 on  http://smarturl.it the power of love

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on December 28, 2012 at 11:23pm

Chloe - I made a typo and it won't make sense unless I correct it - Chloe was born at 2:23 pm (not 2:30 - don't know how I made that typo) and my Mom's birthday was/is 2/23.  Sorry about that.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on December 28, 2012 at 11:20pm

Chloe - I am sorry about your losses.  I know that sometimes it doesn't even matter how long they are gone - the pain is so present in the moment.  My Mom has been gone for a few years now, and I still miss her so much.  I have dreams about her sometimes where i wake up so happy, because I think she and I are going to go do something together like we did in the past, and then I realize I'm awake and she is gone, and I feel the grief in that moment just as intensely as the day she left me.  Then, my dad died last year - I think a lot of his death was from grief over loosing my Mom as he never got over it - and now I just feel so alone some days.  So, I know what you are feeling.  I'm sure you can find lots of wonderful people here to talk to.  Talking does help.  I've met a lot of wonderful people who have helped me, and some of them that have helped me repeatedly I've gotten to know pretty well.  That helps too - to build those bonds.  My mom also died of pancreatic cancer.  It was hard to watch her go through that.  Am I understanding correctly - your step-Dad died due to the cath test?  If so, it sounds like you lost both of them pretty quickly wihout much time to prepare yourself.  That makes it harder too.  My mom found out she had this cancer, and she was gone in nine months, and I think she only made it that long due to herbs we were using that I think maybe prolonged her life a little bit.  Keep coming back and talking, Chloe - it does help.  I have a great niece named Chloe.  She is 6 years old.  She was born right after my Mom died.  When she was being born, everyone in the room kept saying they felt my Mom.  I felt my Mom.  All day the nurses kept saying Baby Cloma (pronounced Clomee, which was my Mom's name) would be here soon - kept mis-saying Chloe's name to say my Mom's name.  Then, Chloe was born at 2:30 pm.  My Mom's birthday was February 23.  I think my Mom is with Chloe, maybe a guardian angel or something.  I'm not sure.  Maybe a re-incarnation if that happens.  I'm not sure.  All I know is that for a couple of years I felt my Mom with Chloe a lot.  And, I'm closest to Chloe of all my niece's kids just like I was close to my Mom.  I always end up without even thinking about it buying Chloe twice as many presents on her birhday and Christmas as I do the other kids, and I do it totally subconsciously every time.  I never even notice it until it's present opening time and I think to myself that one of these days I'm gonna hurt the other kids feelings.  I love the all so much.  I love them all equally actually.  But, I have a special bond with Chloe that I can't explain with words.  I think my Mom is with her.  I hope you come back and talk, Chloe, and I hope you feel better soon.

Comment by Chloe on December 28, 2012 at 10:16pm

I lost my Dad in2003 to pancreatic cancer and I lost my step-Dad of 30 yrs in 2001 after a cardiac cath test.  I still think of them both almost every day. I would love to talk with anyone about the people we love.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on December 28, 2012 at 4:53pm

Thank you, Dennis, for posting Ecclesiastes to remind us that there is a time to mourn.  I've had so many people in my grief give me scriptures and act as if I'm not immediately uplifted by them that there is something wrong with my relationship with God, but maybe this is just my time to mourn which is also in the bible.  I'm probably closer to God now than I ever have been in my life, and I am still mourning.  Grief is not the time to evangelize - grief is the time to remind us of God's love and to remind us that we are allowed to walk through our grief on God's time.

I hope that now that Christmas is over that maybe that helps most of you feel a little better. 

I miss my Dad and my Mom so much.  It still seems weird not to gather around their table and eat my Mom's cooking.  I miss them.  And, you know, maybe this is part of grief that Ecclesiastes tells me there is a time for - I find it hard to move forward, because I want what I had before.  That is what I want.  I want my Mom and Dad and Christmas with them.  I can't believe that is so bad.  Yet, some of my Christian friends try to make me feel guilty for it - thank you again for reminding me that the bible itself says there is a time to mourn.

Comment by dream moon JO B on December 26, 2012 at 8:30am

happy bdat dad wish u wear still hear hope u r having a beter time thn we r                                                                                                        http://youtu.be/ymb-X7KVp4

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