Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Constance L. Freundt on October 27, 2011 at 8:41pm

Hi Linda, I lost my father suddenly (heart attack) on June 29, 2010.  Although it has been 16 months, I still have not gotten over the fact that I didn't get to say good-bye.  My father was 78.  And, pictures are still something I can't handle; no one in my family can yet.  And, all of us seem to get a bit crabby and short a few days before the anniversary, even when we don't realize the anniversary is coming.  I don't know if or when it gets better than this.  While the pain isn't there everyday like it was the first few months, it is still very present and I find I cry in short bursts every month.  The suddenness and not being able to say good-bye is the hardest part of it, I think.  My heart goes out to you... hang in there!  While it doesn't go away, it does get easier.  Many blessings. Connie

Permalink Reply by Amber Timmons on October 27, 2011 at 10:35pm

My dad passed away at 52. I remember the day very vividly. Every single detail. I remember when my mom called and was crying. I figured she was going to tell me my grandpa died because my grandma had died 7 weeks earlier. But she said "it's dad" I was driving on the interstate when I found out and was on my way to my fiancee work. I just kept thinking "I have to get to him (my fiancee)" This was 4 years ago last Thursday. I still see things in stores or at a yard sale and think "Oh Dad would like that" A couple weeks after he died, I was on campus. I used to call him every day that quarter at 1pm, in between classes. And I walked out of class and flipped my phone open and hit his speed dial. And then I was like "Oh..." There'd be times when I'd wake up from a dream where he was still here, and I'd forget for a few seconds that he was gone. I still do that every once in awhile, but I find that I'm glad I do that now. It's like getting some peace for a few seconds. I love having dreams of him when he and I just sit and talk. It's so hard when you lose someone suddenly. When my grandma died, we had a few days notice that her illness was going downhill very fast and that made things easier. We were able to say our goodbyes, etc. It's been four years and I still have bad days but not as much as I used to. Sometimes I just let myself cry. I miss him but I remember the good times too and I can still laugh and smile talking about things he did or conversations we had. I think it's slightly like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I found it strange that while my world was just devestated, that the world kept moving. It seems like it shouldn't but it does. It really does get better, the first year was the hardest. And the week before he died is hard on me still. I can't help but think "Oh this time 4 yrs ago, my world hadn't fallen apart" And the first year, is holidays and birthdays, etc and that's hard. I'm very sorry for your loss, He was your daddy, and even when we're grown women, We're still Daddy's girl in our hearts.

Permalink Reply by Brandi Bangs on October 27, 2011 at 11:43pm

I was with my dad when he passed. It went quickly, but I replay the day over and over. 
I'm so sorry for your loss.  There are no words.  Thank you for sharing your story Linda.

Permalink Reply by Linda on October 28, 2011 at 6:09am

Thank you Connie, Brandi and Amber.  I am so sorry for your losses.  It really helps talking to others that have been through it. 

Permalink Reply by christianlee on November 18, 2011 at 5:53pm

Hi, I too lost my dear dad and didn't get to say goodbye. It hurts...and I too relive the mot unwelcomuteed day in my life. If I had only a minute to say goodbye and how much I loved him.

Permalink Reply by christianlee on November 18, 2011 at 5:59pm

Constance....I lost my dad on June 29, 2011. Weird we lost our dads on the same day. I too miss him terribly . I have changed so much since I lost dad. Its like a whole new worldand I just want my dad back.

Permalink Reply by Amber Timmons on November 23, 2011 at 11:57pm

I have the same kind of dreams sometimes. Especially when my dad had first passed away. I would wake up feeling all happy and relaxed, forgetting what had just happened, and then it would all crash down and I'd realize that he was still gone. I've had dreams where I'm talking to my dad and those dreams help. I think sometimes i really am talking to him. He's been gone over 4 years now and I don't dream about him as often as I used too. My dad died when I was 23. We both lost our dad's so young and it hurts. It was hard when I got married, I ended up doing a court house wedding because I couldn't imagine walking down the aisle without him there. And then I had my daughter, and I know they would've gotten in SOOO much trouble together :-) But it's thoughts and memories of him that make it easier and harder at the same time :-/ 

Permalink Reply by christianlee on November 23, 2011 at 4:07pm

Yes. I share the same. My dad passed in June and I didn't get to saygoodbye ....its very hard dealing with this...I miss him so much.

Permalink Reply by Amber Timmons on November 23, 2011 at 11:53pm

I was listening to a country song today about "Wishing Heaven wasn't so far away" and I kept wishing I could talk to my dad one more time. I think he visits me sometimes when I dream. Some of them are more than just a dream. I remember this one dream when I asked him if it hurt when he died, and he said a little. I asked him if he called out and he said No and then I asked him if everyone was there (meaning in Heaven) and he said "Not at first" I know there was more but that's all I remembered when I woke up. Sometimes I dream about him and I know he's gone but I'm just so glad to be dreaming about him that even in my dream I don't care and I just cherish the time with  him while I'm dreaming. I remember the first few months I just walked around feeling like I had this huge gaping hole in my chest and it was all I could do to get up every day. The first Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays were so hard. Same thing when I got married and had my first (and only) child. I remember feeling like my world had just stopped and shattered and yet everyone else just kept moving but I was staying still. I knew my friends felt bad for me, but that they didn't think of it every day like I did and still do. The pain hasn't gone away in four years but it has become more manageable and dulled out some. I am so sorry for those of you who are going through this now. The pain of it is just so unimaginable that some don't even realize what it takes for us to smile or do regular things. All I can say is that it gets better slowly, but I know I still miss him so very much.

 

Permalink Reply by Megan on December 19, 2011 at 10:52pm

i'm sorry linda, i know what you mean about the day being stuck in your mind. my dad passed away of a heart attack july 22nd, the day before my wedding. i cannot begin to describe how painful it was - and still is. so many emotions attached to it. we decided to go along with the wedding as planned and luckily my brother was able to walk me down the aisle but not having my dad there has been so devastating. on top of the trauma of being in shock and so emotionally and physically exhausted sometimes i can't even believe i made it through it. 

i keep replaying that morning i heard the news in my head, over and over - the phone call, driving to my parents house, being carried upstairs while i was sobbing uncontrollably so i wouldn't see his body on the kitchen floor. i have dreams about him almost nightly, they used to be nightmares but thankfully now they are just nice reminders of him. i still get sad when i wake up and there's those few moments when i think he's still alive. 

i know the grieving process takes time, hoping i'll get out of this "anger" phase i'm in soon because it seems like a sort of destructive place. i don't want to hurt the relationships around me and i know my dad would be so sad if he knew i was so upset. i do think every week things get a little better, hopefully the sadness will become more manageable in time.

hope you're doing ok, would love to hear an update sometime. take care!

Permalink Reply by Linda on December 20, 2011 at 7:56pm

Megan I am so sorry. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry you didn't have your dad walk you down the aisle. I am sure he was watching over you. As far as the grieving process, I feel am back to denial. I just wanted one last hug. Thank you for sharing your story. I am here to talk.

Permalink Reply by christianlee on December 20, 2011 at 8:53pm

One more hug from Dad would have been awesome too. Miss his smell. Voice and smile the most. And his infectious laugh.

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