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Permalink Reply by Crystal on February 9, 2015 at 2:46pm

My dad died what will be 4 years ago now. Like you, he was hard as he has good & strong. I had a rough teenage years with him too-i went to live with him my senior year of high school & long story short, it was mostly a disaster. Needless to say, we didn't talk for about 10 years. When i was about to marry my husband, we started talking again. It wasn't easy, but we became closer than we ever were.

Permalink Reply by Shayna on February 9, 2015 at 2:52pm

Hi Crystal,

I really appreciate you sharing. I know it can be difficult to talk about situations like this so I am glad that you read my discussion and replied. I am sorry for your loss. It never gets better but I feel like the support will help. I'm glad you were able to become close with your father again before he passed. That's such a great feeling to carry with you. The one thing that gets harder is that my father never met my husband. It turns out they are a lot alike and I wish they could have met but it just allows me to fill my husband with endless stories about him instead! Stay strong!!

Permalink Reply by Crystal on February 9, 2015 at 3:21pm

Let's put it this way, when he got really sick & had a stroke, i coordinated his care & became his -Power of Attorney. Not a mean feat from North Carolina to Wisconsin by phone & computer i tell you! anyway, it was tough keeping going some days with my grandma his mother) insisting he was dying & leaving her all alone, keeping my sister from freaking out & wanting all she could get of his stuff (my brother in law was leading that charge behind the scenes on that i found out), and leading my life made it challenging. Through it all, my dad knew I loved him & i did my best for him. It was hard to do all the arrangements & keep my family in the loop at that time. I envied my grandma & sister their tears & grief when i had to "keep it together" to function & plan. It was bad enough that i couldn't cry until about 2-3 months later, then the dam broke. I couldn't seem to turn it off at first. I just would cry at the drop of a hat & had to dismiss myself & hide to let it out or compose myself. It felt like all the stuff i had to stop feeling came out fast & almost overwhelming. I also had to deal with it in bigger ways than others because i had to get all his stuff out of the house he lived in (his mother's), put it in storage, & more or less be the executor of his estate by default-i was most competent. Now, i have all his stuff here at my house, since we couldn't afford to keep it in storage anymore. I go thru it slowly, as memories & feelings come up & remind me of things. This isn't easy when you're trying to unpack a new house however. Lol....

I like your idea of writing notes in a journal to tell him how things are going. I may try it.

Now, it gets hard now & again still. I want to tell him something or get advice & he's not there to do so. Maybe the journal will help me do that. I doubt I'll ever stop missing him, but i know i can deal with me better now.

Permalink Reply by Shayna on March 2, 2015 at 3:08pm

That is a really difficult process to take on. I remember when my father passed, my mother was the one who was taking care of the funeral arrangements, finances, his apartment and belongings and im sure a lot more. At the time I was in college and did not know the first thing about how to do any of these things. I remember how stressful it was for her during that time. Luckily she had friends that knew about the process and they were able to provide help and guidance. I can't imagine having to do all of that while still having to the emotional well being of other family members as well as yourself. I believe that dealing with all of that didn't allow you the time to cry or even process your emotions. I'm glad you were able to get to a point where your body allowed you to grieve. After not grieving for so long, the constant crying can be highly overwhelming and confusing. I'm sure going through his things is a difficult task, just try to spread it out as much as possible so you don't overwhelm yourself. Even asking friends or family to help is a great way to share some of the memories with them. I find it comforting to go through his stuff now that I've had some time to deal with it all. The writing helps a lot too. I feel that the journal works best in relaying information I wish I could say. It makes me feel that he is still a part of my life and that he is involved in whats going on since I am keeping him in the loop. It helps sooth the pain of him not being here to witness all of the life events. I hope that you give it a try and that it can do the same for you!

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on February 9, 2015 at 4:09pm

my dad died in 2012 postmortem we had on him wz full of bull shit wz 3 difrent reperts 3 difrent tms he died at 220am we got told by juner nurse coz me mum got thr at 230 am we did10 mins late 

thn loss non stop in 2012 i spend a lot tme ar funrels at cremtromim thn in 2013 loss non stop spend a lot tm at cremtromrm 2014 crematrom wn my dad wz alve he wud joke he wud say we  hav our own presonl seat in crem he wud say

i no im not person i wz in 2011 wn he died in 2012 i wz a dfrnt person i am person i am npw is mad very mad at god so mad i cud slap him her voz of all loss on top 

sorry for yore loss 2  shayna

Permalink Reply by Shayna on March 2, 2015 at 3:21pm

Jo,

I understand the frustration you must have. I know it's easy to place the blame on god and to want to be upset with him for taking someone away that you still wanted so much time with. It is a difficult process to loose someone too soon. I hope that you are able to talk to friends and family in order to get some peace. It will take time but someday I know you will get there. I remember being mad at God too. My father was such a good man who wanted to do great things for people in need and I didn't understand why he was taken away. I then had to come to terms with the fact that I don't know Gods plan and that there may be a bigger reason why he is gone. It didn't lessen the pain but it helped to understand that sometimes in life, things are going to happen that I can't control, but I will have to work hard at staying strong. I'm sure your father was a great man and would want you to be happy and continue through life growing from each experience. This will make you a stronger person. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it will with time. It may be helpful to go to a support group in person meeting to talk to others in person or to write down your frustrations so you can look at them later on when you may not be as upset, and find ways to work on each things piece by piece. 

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on March 2, 2015 at 4:20pm

shayna 

i wish i cud me again but shes gon i thng i sort of lost me 2 wn he died thn losss non stop iv not had a chncr 2 grive u cud say

dads anvsry 2 moro so ifeal even mre sad i do u cud say im fealin sorry for my slf but i feal sad coz i miss him coz he wz a grt dad 2 me wn i wz a kid he put me on his sholders 2 sea a punch judy show but i cunt sea it on grnd so he put me on his sholders so i cud sea it 

i must sond lk a brattt but i cudnt sea it coz at tm evry 1 wz so big i mst of bean abot 5 i wz

iv not got footo on hear it wz on my old pc wish i lost all footos on i did  i no it snds mad 2 get upst over it bur a lot of peple died on fottos not dead on fotos but died sinse thy wear tk

sorry if im rantng 2 mush 

i id yday on ft not relizing hw i got 2 s wear i wz rant rving 2 my slf not relizing if any 1 sar me thy must of thrt i losst it 

it least 1s it do no me will no why 

im still rant on i am so soorry

Permalink Reply by Shayna on March 5, 2015 at 4:08pm

Never apologize. I believe these posts are so we can get our feelings out. I know it may seem like you are feeling sorry for yourself, but it just is a part of the grieving process. You will go back and think of all the times you had together and it will be sad but it can be happy too. I watched something the other day and it was showing how many kids lose their life to cancer and I couldn't help to think that I should be grateful that my father had the chance to live a longer life and had a family and did so many things. Try to think of things that bring light to that persons life. It may help you realize that although they are gone, they were so happy to be alive at one point and a part of your life. 

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on March 6, 2015 at 4:26pm

thnx shayna a lot of days a lot of nead 2 rant on hear u rht post blogs son is way we can scream yeaal post on hear