"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
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Life after your Father Dies....My story of Survival
My name is Stephanie and I am 25 years old. My father passed away December 23, 2013 and I can tell you that my life has not been the same since. I had it pretty rough my whole life, my parent's divorced when I was 8 years old. I've never had a relationship with my mother. She was either incarcerated, or just not around. My dad remarried when I was 9...how was I suppose to know that she was going to verbally and physically abuse me the majority of my childhood? It was hell on earth...I was a pretty sad kid. My parent's were always super religious and I've known I was gay for a really long time... it wasn't long before I was kicked out of my own house.... barely 18 years old....having to pretty much fend for myself. I've bounced from house to house....staying with anyone willing to just give me a spot on the floor to sleep on...i lived like that for years. All because I came out to my family as a lesbian... and now my father is dead. We didn't speak for months and now he is gone. There was no will..... I was not allowed at the funeral..and neither was my gf. None of my father's side of my family will talk to me.... I have never felt so alone... and so misunderstood. I have been trying to get into school in florida for over a year now.... woke up this morning in hopes that I was finally granted financial aid so i can actually attend school and the subject line in my email said a big fat denied. I wish more than anything that I had parents or family that cared enough to help me get into school.... I feel so sad and discouraged.... I have nothing but a part time job at a shitty diner to help me pay bills....all the while i have no money and no outside financial support for even a therapist to help me fucking grieve the man that I have begun to hate more after his death than I did before he was alive......if there is anyone that could just reach out with words of hope today...it would mean more than you could imagine.
Tags: My
Views: 203
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Crystal on
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Stephanie, I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I lost my dad in 2011, and though it hurts LESS, it still hurts. I wish you lived near me, because I'd find you help. I do know that many therapists--specifically county or state run ones--do a sliding fee scale based on your income. You may be able to get some help that way. Just ask the Human Services dept of your town or county where one is--google is a way to find it, or yp.com.
I'm sorry that your family isn't supportive, it's a shame. It shouldn't matter what you do or who you are, a good parent & family shouldn't care if you're gay or straight, or blue or green with purple polka dots. It's their loss that they don't have you in their life. I'm sorry you were pushed away from honoring your dad at the funeral. Can you go to his gravesite & say your goodbyes & thoughts to him there? I do that myself when i go home to Wisconsin (I live in North Carolina). The good news is, he's with you no matter WHERE you are. Yes, your relationship wasn't great during his life, but I bet he's still with his "little girl" in spirit. I'm here to talk to if you want to. Just message me.
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Permalink Reply by gramaokie on
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Stephanie: It seems that you have a great strength of character. After all you've lived through, you keep trying to better yourself. It's sad that you didn't get the assistance for school. Perhaps another school might have a different result. I encourage you to keep trying. Crystal is right about mental health assistance available through local programs. On this site we are here for you without judgment-not with answers but care and concern. I'm sorry your parents couldn't love you unconditionally as God loves us. I believe we are all his children. He is where I turn for help and strength. When I don't know what to do anymore, I leave it to God. The answer isn't always what I expect, but I trust He knows best. My father and younger brother died 8 weeks apart in 2010.
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Permalink Reply by Stehanie Loughmiller on
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Thank you guys for your kind words, as well as advice about seeking some type of therapy at low cost. It's really difficult when you live paycheck to paycheck...as i'm sure most of you understand. There are days like today I just start feeling so damn sorry for myself....i have cried all day because I had high hopes of starting school this semester and it's probably not going to happen. It is really hard out there when you have no parental support....even tho I have loving support from my girlfriends family it is not the same. I have lost my faith in God....how could he allow so many bad things to happen to me if I am his child? I just wish that I could catch a break... people around me take so much for granted....and here I am struggling just to get an education. I am truly thankful for this website as it has helped me many a day. I hope soon I can come on here less depressed and have some good news. I am also sorry for all of you who have lost your dad. Im glad we can be here for eachother
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I know that this post is kind of old but I saw it today and felt the need to add a comment. Stephanie,you are stronger than you give yourself credit for! It can be very hard working paycheck to paycheck,and trying to get in school on top of that. Since this post is older,how are things going? I hope all is well with you and that you are still getting support from this community and those around you.
Sarah -
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