I miss my dad and feel like I can't greive

I lost my dad June16th 2009. 10 day's after his 70th birthday. Drs. said he was in perferct health and said he had a heart as strong as an ox for a man his age. We went up north the weekend before to visit my parent's but on Tuesday June 16th @ 8:28 I received a call from Tawas General to tell me that they had my dad and he had a heart attack and was not doing well at all and I needed to get there as soon as I could. I live 3 hrs away and it was the longest three hrs. I started thinking of the things she was saying to me  Then I got the feelings of  My dad being gone. About 1hr away my mom called to see if I was coming I told her I was trying to get there. Then she said Chris your dad is dead he died at the trailer. That feeling is like no other. When we got there to get my mom it was like he was sleeping but I knew better cuz he didn't wake up. I had to be strong for my mom who is 71 and alot of health problems with heart, blood pressure, past stroke. We had to go back to the campground to get her meds. and some clothes that was awfull being in there. We brung her home to our house and decied that it would be best for her to live with us. But with her here I feel like I am just going to explode because I can't let her see my feelings. My eyes start to tear up from just thinking and I have to get up and walk away. Then by holding it in it just makes it harder to handle my bipolar because then I find myself fighting the depression. If anyone has any suggestions it would be greatly appreciated   

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Permalink Reply by Mel Joyce on August 17, 2010 at 3:49am
Hello Christine, i just wanted to let you know how sorry i am for your loss. It doesn't matter how old your dad is when you lose him, it still hurts. We think that our dads are invincible and will always be there then when they are gone, it's debilitating. I am also sure that it's harder because you can't really grieve and it's all bottled up. I know that is not good. It can be unhealthy, i pray that you can figure out an outlet for yourself. My suggestion would be a support group of some kind, at least that would give you a setting or environment where you could share your feelings and it's away from your mom so she is not directly affected by your thoughts and emotions. I can understand her fragile state is your primary reason for not letting yourself go, not to mention being bipolar. That is a lot on your plate. My recommendation is to try many outlets, support groups, exercise, listening to music, different medication, reading, anything that you can funnel out or get a better understanding, or just letting yourself purge all the emotional baggage you have been carrying around. Let your mind, body and soul flush out and let your wounds begin a refreshing and healing. I pray that you find what works for you. My thoughts & prayers to you, Love & God Bless you, mel.
Permalink Reply by Christine A. Tompkins on August 17, 2010 at 6:37am
Thank you Mel for responding to my entry. You are right about why it is so hard with my mother. I do take my medicines like i am suppose to, I just started thearpy again, and decided to give this a try. I'm hoping either the thearpy or this will work or both. I'm not one for going to a group of people in person. I try to listen to music just as long as it's not something that makes me think of him. I don't like to read but if I knew of a good book that could possible help me I would read it . I have'nt read your story yet this Is all new to me but I am sorry for you also. Thank you again Christine

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