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Comment by Lost with out him on June 24, 2017 at 9:16pm

Should have proof read sorry hate seeing other couples together
But here I am again

Comment by Lost with out him on June 24, 2017 at 9:13pm

Great list Nora! I think it is important to set goals everyday. Hope the job search is going well. Today I actually felt "normal" for a couple of hours. I went to my Granddaughter's dance recital and out for dinner. I hate going out ( reminds me that do not have Andrew with me. I gate seeing couples together. The only places I go are to work and the grocery store. Bug here I am now again at home alone. The reality sets in quickly all the things I need to do to sell this house. It was nice to not think about it for a couple of hours.

Comment by Nora on June 24, 2017 at 8:53pm

This is my meditation that I use in the evening.

Coping with Grief: Guided Spoken Meditation for healing after a los...

Day number 1 - today I decided to notice more positive things around. Cannot say it worked but at least I started.

Went shopping today. First time since February. Alone. Not a big deal somebody can say. but it was. I kept crying as there was no fun. He was not helping me bringing funny, goofy things to me honestly thinking I would like them. He was not be sitting at the door waiting for me and sending texts - are you done yet? Miss him terribly! My shopping was short - I grabbed one pair of pants and left.

When came home I was so upset that hit my own garage wall - how stupid it was!

OK. I will use this site as a tool to go forward. My plan for tomorrow:

1. Went shopping to buy food to start my diet.

2. Fill my van.

3. Dye my hair as I look like 100 yo which.

4. Cut my 1 inch long nails and do a manicure.

5. Listen to meditation in the evening.

6. Print my resume and make copies of my educational papers.

7. Give hugs to all my pets and say hello to my fish.

8. Prepare checks to be sent on Monday, and pay online bills.

9. Send at least 5 resumes.

10. Report here what I did.

Comment by Nora on June 24, 2017 at 8:21pm

I have decided to create a Moving On group today but then I found that Steph who is not a member anymore already created this group so I am reincarnating it.

I have the same pain as anybody else here ut I want to slowly work back to some other life that I dont know yet.

This woman felt the same what I feel - I cannot stay in this horrible situation forever. I am 54 and I have at least 20 years of life. It is impossible to imagine living like this for another 20 yrs and then die one day feeling empty and dreaming about some unknown life in heaven. With who? I loved 3 men who passed away. I loved them dearly, from the bottom of my heart, and I never stopped loving them because they died. I also loved another man who is alive but maybe not. I also loved him and left him due to some circumstances. He is older so who knows. Let's say 4 men in heaven. How will it look? Some kind of a Swedish Family? I also know that each of them also loved women so it is not clear and I cannot spend 20 yrs of my life hoping to meet all or one of those men one day.

I will post my thoughts about getting stronger, ending depression in this group. If you have anything that can help please join the group and post here. 

What is my life now? Just like Steph said in her post *** So then I found myself beginning to slowly accept the idea that I would forever be alone. That maybe that was my lot in life. And the depression came back. Crying over the littlest things. Not getting out of bed on the weekends. Ignoring regular household chores. Not talking to anyone. ***

Exactly. This is what I have. At least she was independent, she had her job, her place... I have nothing! 10 yrs more to pay the mortgage, no job, no income. Grieving, crying, sinking, feeling guilt for something I never did... It will not bring to me a better life, it will destroy me and bring me to the point where I will lose myself, my house and my beloved dogs will be killed as I will have to surrender them to an animal shelter. The above situation will not make any of my deceased man happy or proud of me. They will be sad and confused as they always saw me happy, pretty, strong, active and funny. They would think I lied to them hiding my negative, black, depressive nature and just worn a happy mask on. They would think I never loved them but pretended so they stay with me. I want them to look at me and smile, and be happy for me, I want them to see my achievements, not failures. I want them to see my plants came true. 3 men had plans with me so I have things to do....

Comment by Steph on May 25, 2016 at 3:12pm

I created this group as I lost my boyfriend suddenly and unexpectedly 6 months ago. I loved him dearly and though we would be spending the rest of our lives together. I am 37-years old and he was the first and only man I loved. I was excited about starting a family with him. It may seem selfish and maybe that I didn't truly love him in that I still want to find someone to spend my life with and potentially have a family. I have guilt for feeling this way. In reading posts from other groups I feel that I may be alone in wanting to move forward with my life. I struggle with this, but the desire is still there. Sometimes buried deep down. Am I alone in still wanting companionship and the chance for family? Am I wrong for wanting to figure out how to move on and still live? I will never, let me repeat NEVER, forget Billy. Nor will I stop loving him and wishing he was still here with me. But it was him that showed me what true love felt like between two people. I don't know if I'll find the exact same feeling, but is it wrong to try?