Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by David A on May 29, 2011 at 5:48am

My Lisa, whom I was with over 16 years, also committed suicide on April 22 of this year and its been very hard on me too. I am getting better though with every day. I was 1800 miles away from home when she died and had to drive my semi truck back home. Those were the 3 hardest days of my life.  She too suffered from depression and Huntington's.  In the end it was a combination of both that drove her to do what she did. Like you I used to call her every day when I was on the road and now I won't be hearing that friendly voice.  I often wonder who will take care of me as she was always there to lend a helping hand to everyone she met.

I offer my deepest sympathy and condolences to you and your family and hope you find kind and helping words here. It would appear that you are taking the right steps(if there is such a thing) taking day by day,  I found this website that offers its suggestions and tip on people who's loved ones committed suicide and I hope it helps you as it has helped me a little bit in understanding the why. 

http://www.hns.org/Bertolon_Center_for_Grief_Healing/The_Grieving_Process.aspx

Take care and remember others still love you for the good person you are. 

Permalink Reply by Kayce Memory on June 2, 2011 at 7:56am

Thank you for the website. I will check it out in my spare time at work so that I can print the sheets out and have them to read. I am very sorry for your loss. Seeing my mother like she is I know that it must be hard for you. I just wish sometimes that we could have done something to make it be okay for them. I just wish that we could have understood what they were going through. My dad was on medicine, he took himself off the medicine, and three day after being of his medicine... that's when he did it. I just wish that when he called me the day before I could have realized that there was something wrong with him. He told me that he loved me and that he was proud of me and that I needed to tell my mama that he loved her when I saw her again( and yes to most this might have been a sign that something was wrong, but my dad always said things like this, always), so it was nothing new for him to tell me to tell my mom that he loves her, and I did tell her that Saturday that he did it, as soon as I got down there.
He really was a great man! And I miss him so much! I know that it is not right for me to think "I wish I could have done something," or "I wish that I could have stopped it." But I do think that... I know that people say that I am young and I will heal quicker than most will be cause I am younger... I just can't see that being possible just because of my age....what does that have to do with me losing my father, it still hurts me just as bad as it does my brother, or someone else that maybe be older than me that has lost someone close to them...
I just wish sometimes I could wear a sign on my back that says, "I am sorry if I don't speak to you!"

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on June 6, 2011 at 5:56pm

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  I can relate all too well, as my wife took her life back in February.  while she didn't have Huntington's (which is a terrible disease), she was very depressed and had made attempts before.  Having to figure out how to live a life without her has been by far the hardest things I've ever had to deal with, especially as there are so many questions that will just never get answered....at least not in this lifetime.  I hope that coming here's been helping you out, and that you, too, are finding the kind and helping words here.  I know this has been one of many sources of support I've leaned on heavily in the last four months.  I hope it does at least as well for you as it has for me.

Permalink Reply by Crystal M on May 29, 2011 at 10:47pm

I am so very sorry that you have to go through this. I am only a year older than you, and I couldn't imagine losing my father, I still need him so much. It's very hard to lose someone to suicide, because you're left with a big "WHY"? My cousin killed his ex-girlfriend and committed suicide almost 4 years ago, and I still have many unanswered questions that drive me crazy at times. The only thing that we know is that he was very depressed for a while. My family and his friends tried helping him with it, but it must not have been enough. I was very angry with him for the first couple of years, because I still do not know why he took his ex with him. She did not deserve to have her whole life taken from her. If it was just him, I probably would have forgiven him sooner. The thing anyone who has lost someone to suicide has to remember is that the person we know and love is not the one who did it. It is the illness that has changed the person. I know that my cousin would not have done what he did in a million years. He was upbeat, funny, silly, caring, and overall a wonderful person. Somehow the illness took over that person that I knew, and it made him snap. I hope that your mother gets the help that she needs, and that her grief does not take over. I am no professional, but the best advice that I was ever given by anyone is that you do not have to be strong for anyone, because it can hurt you. Let yourself grieve in the way that you have to grieve. I spent many years trying to be strong for others, but now, I don't hold back, because it isn't healthy. This will be a long road, and if you feel like you can't take it, there are many great people on here that are willing to listen, me included. There is also nothing wrong with finding a grief counsler or group counseling. It helps to talk, cry, get angry, laugh or whatever you need to do in the moment. I will be praying for you and your family.  

Permalink Reply by Kayce Memory on June 2, 2011 at 8:04am

I am sorry to hear that. I am sorry that you had to go through that and that you are still going through it... I have lost people in my life before but my dad is the first in my life that I have ever lost to suicide... It is a hard thing to deal with. I wish that I could call him and tell him that I love him and that I need him now more than ever. His friends keep telling me how much they miss him and how they wish he was still here. I just keep telling them and I will tell all ya'll too      "Keep your head up, We have an angel looking out for us not only today, but for the rest of our lives." If any of ya'll need someone to talk to I am here. my e-mail is kayce_memory@yahoo.com I will e-mail you back (may take me a little while, but I will e-mail you back)

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on June 1, 2011 at 10:31pm

I'm sorry to hear about your father.  My wife killed herself this past February.  A lot of times, I'm not sure how I'm holding it together.  Sometimes I'm not.  There've been a couple times I've ended up on the floor crying because it just hits and runs over me.  Other times, it's just there, hanging over my head or on my shoulder.  She'd also been depressed for awhile, and we'd hoped that her finishing school and having a chance at a new job would've helped things turn the corner.  Sadly, she decided to leave before that could happen.  It's hard going through something like this.  Some days, it's all that can be done to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  For now, that's enough.  I know haivng people to open up to and talk with has helped out tremendously, sometimes bringing relief and other times just helping me keep going.  I'm glad you're coming someplace like this and opening up.  I hope you find as much support and comfort and love here as I have....if not more.  *hugs*

Permalink Reply by Sandy G on June 11, 2011 at 8:29pm

I am sorry to you all for your loses. I lost my boyfriend of 3 years in February.

I found this book helpful - it was at my library - Understanding Your Suicide Grief by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD.

Is there a support group for survivors of suicide in your area? There is a list by state here
http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/support-group-directory
I am going to one and find it helpful to be with others who have gone through this

Sandy

Permalink Reply by Laura on July 23, 2011 at 5:03pm

I know how you feel.....I'm 32 years old & in a span of 4 years I've lost both my sister & father to suicide.  My dad died just over a month ago now.  I live my life day by day it's so hard to go on someday's but I know I have to for my other family memeber's who need me.  My sister had allot of issue's since her last son was born & never really got out of that depresion stage.  She passed away 4 years ago.  My father was never the same after this but yet he never really wanted to get himself help my parents were left with my sister son to raise he was 7 at the time.  My dad's whole life got taken from him one day when my mom after 38 years of marriage decided to leave him & Take my nephew with her.  She gave him no reason why or any explanations as to why she was leaving my father.  For 3 days I was there to comfort him etc but nothing seemed to help then one day I tried to call him to see how he was & did'nt get an answer on the phone so I rushed over there to see what was going on.  I went all through the house looking for him it was dark & something just did'nt feel right to me.  I found my father that day in the basement- will not give the details but I was in shock & still am today.  I am dealing with PTSD right now & am just trying to get myself help.  That was the hardest thing to face finding him & I pray that no one will go through this.

Permalink Reply by Denise H. on May 14, 2012 at 9:41pm

I'm sorry for your loss. My sister very recently committed suicide with her husband's handgun. I relate to how you feel. She also was on antidepressants for her whole life, and in the last couple of years they'd quit working and there were none left to try. She also had stage four cancer so that might have been partly why she did it, but the shock is the same as what you went through.
Guns can end a life so quick, before there's time for them to really think ...and regret...

I hope that you find this site healing and know that you are not alone.
Denise