Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ronna Doescher on August 22, 2011 at 1:42pm

Hi Babs:

 

 

Yes I am in that situation for the most part.  I am unable to share because his family chooses not to be.  All I can tell you is that each day is one that you have to try and honor him the way you remember him.  The life that you had together is what you need to remember and know that there are people out here you know and understand what you are going through.

 

Ronna

Permalink Reply by Babs on August 23, 2011 at 10:51am

Thanks Ronna, yes good to know there are people who understand. Its a difficult situation to be in but guess we have to hold on to the love that we shared together. Hugs. Babs

Permalink Reply by Ronna Doescher on August 23, 2011 at 11:47am

Babs;

 

the most important thing is to remember no one can take your memories or the love you  shared.   Although you are not in contact with his family, know that you were special to him and he was special to you  I was given the idea of writing a journal every day of what you are feeling and how you miss and cherish him.  Set a time and just write for at least 10 minutes.  Then in one year look at.  If you can share it with someone who may have known him.  That way, you can see the progress of your grief and you will always have that as a reminder of the memories that you shared.

 

hugs Ronna

 

Permalink Reply by Babs on August 23, 2011 at 12:31pm

Thanks for the idea, am not sure I could manage that every day, but I do write him notes sometimes, I have a special jar to post them in so guess thats kind of similar, unfortunately I don't know anyone who knew him so can't share it but maybe I could share some on here. A lot of my poems, written thoughts and quotes that I have written in the last year reflect how I have felt over the last year. Its just hard to share them with anyone, but helps to write them anyhow. Hugs, Babs

Permalink Reply by Shannon Finley on January 14, 2012 at 2:40pm

Babs,

I can't say that I'm in exactly the same situation, but I can say that mine is similar. My best friend who was also the love of my life passed away on May 1st, 2011. Most of our group of friends refuse to talk about him, and act like he either didn't exist or that he didn't matter. His family doesn't talk about him, and I feel like I'm the only one who truly misses him and still hurts like I do. But if you need someone to talk to, you can message me anytime.

All the best,

Shannon

Permalink Reply by Babs on January 17, 2012 at 1:28pm

Thank you for your reply shannon. I am really sorry to hear of your loss, it is so hard when you are not able to talk about your loved one or share in grieving the loss of them. My heart goes out to you, I am here anytime you want to talk about him, I would love to hear more about him. What did he like doing? Did he work? What was his name? How did you meet? sorry if too many questions. Sending you lots of hugs. Babs

Permalink Reply by Christine on April 17, 2012 at 10:28pm

I too am in a similar situation but a little different. My brother recently died and it is my family that I don't talk to. I made the decision 8 years ago to distance myself from my family and he was the only one I talked to, on occasion. It makes it so much harder to grieve because some people assume that my distance from my family means my brother didn't mean that much to me. Also, not speaking to my other siblings or parents makes it so that I have a hard time remembering memories because I don't have them around to talk about memories.

Permalink Reply by Babs on April 19, 2012 at 10:08am

Christine I am so sorry for your loss and that your family situation is making it so much harder to grieve for your your brother. It is so hard to have to try and grieve without the usual support that would be recieved if someone so close to us dies. My heart goes out to you, I can understand how hard it is not to be able to share memories, it almost feels like they and your relationship didn't exist which of course is not true but without being able to share memories it is hard for the loss to feel real and to grieve. It is something I find so hard that I know no one who knew Steve to share those memories with, especially on important dates and anniversary's.

I hadn't been in contact with Steve for 8 years but it doesn't seem to lessen the pain of loss. You may also be grieivng for th elost time together aswell and the loss of having your family close to you. When Steve died I found that I also ended up grieving for th emum I wished I could have had as she couldn't be there for me and it highlighted the lack of relationship that I had with my mum, I desperately needed a mum to hold me. Sending you big hugs. Babs

Permalink Reply by Tony Chipper on May 29, 2012 at 12:00pm

Babs,

I'm exactly in that situation.  My love died a few weeks

after her 39th birthday.  My brother and father attended

the memorial then left.  Her best friend took me home, then

left.  I've been home alone since.

Permalink Reply by Babs on May 29, 2012 at 12:48pm

Hi Tony, I am so so sorry for your loss. I think disenfranchised grief has to be one of the most painful things anyone can go through. My heart goes out to you. If you feel able to tell us a bit about your love please do. She was so young, sometimes when there is no one to share in your grief it can make it very hard for your loss to even feel real, I still think I must have got it wrong and Steve will phone me and laugh at me for thinking he was dead, I even tried to phone his mobile the other day. Steve died a couple of weeks after his 42nd birthday.

I am here if you want to talk or just share how much your love means to you. I was never able to marry Steve which was the biggest regret of my life and I wrote a poem called "Though we never could marry" based on saying the wedding vows to him, will try and post it in the poems section. Sending you many hugs. Babs

Permalink Reply by Lynn Boyd on October 8, 2014 at 10:47am

So sorry Babs....I understand your pain. My husband was in the lumber business, and dozens of people came to his memorial, gave me hugs and said "if there is anything I can do" then they all disappeared. I didn't know these people, they were his business contacts and came from as far away as Oregon. Only one bothers to text me every couple months to see if I'm "okay". I give him the standard answer "doing okay"...though I would love to unload the truth and pour out my broken heart. I have to become a new person now. I've made a couple of new friends, but it's still so very hard to be alone. To make matters worse, I had to put down our beloved dog Daisy 3 weeks ago. Another painful loss. I am determined to do what I have to do so go on with the life I'm sure my husband would want me to live. It's been 9 months now, and I still have the horrible, painful "grief bursts" where I cry and cry and cry and the pain washes over me completely. It's exhausting, but eventually I feel a little better, but I will never be the same person I was. I will never "get over" these losses, I can only "get through" them. The books on grief I found at the library have been a tremendous help. I know being so alone is so very hard. Blessings to you Babs, I pray you can find some peace.

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on October 8, 2014 at 3:52pm

yep 

1s it did no or wnted 2 no frinds died famly died nboz died 

my dad died 2012 thn death non stop thn 2013 cme along death non stop

2014 is hear still death

my dads bst mate uncl bill died in 2012 

sorry  if imno us 2 ths discusin 

thn in july ths yr my sweat anti died she did she wz grt now shes gon