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Comment by Dixie Allison Duke on March 8, 2021 at 11:15pm

No One Understands

I feel like no one understands what it's like to lose your Mother when you are 2 years old. So many grief support groups and pages are focused on recent losses, and I get so frustrated because no one out there is like me. My wife lost both parents last year (not due to COVID) and she had a great relationship with them. It really affected me too, because I love them very much. She just cannot relate to me and my loss which happened so long ago. I never got a chance to have any relationship with my Mom. I never got to have her as a mentor or friend. Her loss affected my Father and Brother too, which was a detriment to our relationships too.

It just feels like no one gets it. No one gets how I have lived with grief and pain all my life. This great gaping hole in my soul is just there, and now I am alone in trying to patch it up.

Comment by dream moon JO B on January 28, 2021 at 5:46pm

grief is getin wors now cz of cov 19

Comment by Lisa Maria DeMatto- Wysong on December 18, 2016 at 7:06pm

I found my friend dead 1 year ago today. It feels like yesterday. I miss him. The worst part is that I'm alone with my grief, no one else seems to miss him, not even his brother. My family never really liked him, (for things that he did when he was 18) they never have anything to say when I'm down.

Comment by Jen G on June 11, 2016 at 1:58pm

I am sooo glad I was of help!!  It is truly awful to put up the front...  Talking to you has helped me too. 

Comment by Liz on June 11, 2016 at 1:26pm

No I am not married Jen but I sometimes wish I had someone just to give me a hug.  I was married a long time ago and have 2 grown up daughters but they do not know of the relationship. Its awful having to put on a front all the time when you are dying inside. I miss him so much and think of him all the time.  I will look into counseling.  It has helped just to be on this forum and talk to you.  Thank you. 

Comment by Jen G on June 11, 2016 at 11:51am

I really recommend counseling Liz.  I wish I would have went sooner.  I still miss him so very much, but I feel I am able to just get through my days a little easier.  It was so hard to put on this big front to my husband and my children that I am just fine when I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry and cry and cry.  It has been over 6 months since he passed.....  I still don't know what to do and I miss him terribly, but I feel I am at least functioning a little better now.  It does help to know others are going through the same thing.  I never would have thought I would be in the situation I am in, but here it is.  You didn't say you were married, or with anyone else, so you may be able to grieve in private, but I really recommend counseling.  It helps to be able to talk to someone and someone who won't judge or take sides. 

Comment by Liz on June 10, 2016 at 11:47am

Jen G, I'm glad you are doing ok now.  I think I will seek counselling as well.  It is so so hard not being able to talk to anyone.  No-one else knew about our love and I am finding it so difficult.  Sometimes I want to tell someone but again I don't want to dishonour his memory and know I must keep it secret.  It helps to know others have gone through the same thing.

Comment by Jen G on June 9, 2016 at 4:35pm

Hi Liz. I am ok. I started counseling a couple weeks ago. I just couldn't handle keeping everything inside. It helps to talk out loud to someone. I miss him so much. Our talks, his laugh, the way he was so understanding...
Yes, sometimes love just happens.

Comment by Liz on June 8, 2016 at 9:41am

Jen G, I was wondering how you are doing now.  I too lost the love of my life and cannot tell anyone because he was married to someone else.  We were in a relationship for over 18 years.  I had known him for nearly 20 years before that, there was always something between us but we fought it as he was married.  One day it just happened and we became lovers.  Our special friendship turned into a wonderful love.  We did not want to hurt anyone so kept our relationship secret but shared wonderful times together.  It was never seedy or sordid and we genuinely loved each other very much.  A couple of years ago I had health problems and wasn't in a good place and I stopped the sexual side of our relationship though we stayed best friends and saw each other and spoke on the phone often.  He was so patient when I asked him to give me time - I never thought time would run out.  We both expected to resume our relationship when I felt ready.  He died suddenly and it was the biggest shock of my life.  He was my rock, my joy in life and my best friend.  I too feel like I am dying inside and cant quite believe that I will never see him or speak to him again.  It is so hard to deal with this alone.  I miss him so much.  I miss his chats, his support, his presence and most of all his love which I never doubted.  I do feel for his wife and am glad that she did not know about us.  People will judge but sometimes love just happens. 

Comment by Jen G on March 3, 2016 at 2:30pm

I am fairly new to this site.  I am going to tell my story.  I may be judged by some, but I need to talk.  I lost the love of my life on Thanksgiving day 2015.  I loved him with all of my heart.  Never felt that way about anyone.  I am in my 50's and have been married to the same man for over 30 years.  He loves me, but I do not love him.  I got married too young.  I was 18 at the time and thought I loved him, but after a couple of years, I really questioned it.  We had a baby one year after we got married.  While I was 8 months pregnant, my young father shot my young mother and then killed himself.  My 16 year old brother moved in with us and, bam, we had to deal with both of their deaths, how they died, the fact that both families were not supportive at all, a teenager and a baby.  I got thru it, I don't know how, but I did.  We had another baby two years later.  My children, of course, are what kept me going...  My husband was absolutely wonderful.  He is so kind and sweet.  He is a very hard worker and provides very well for us.  I love him, but I am not IN love with him.  I met my love about 20 years ago and knew there was something there, but he was married, I was married, both had small children and neither one of us ever left the other one know.  A couple of years ago we reconnected.  He was still married to the same woman, but we started talking.  He had a lot of health problems, but I did not care.  I fell head over heals, deeply in love with him.  His wife seemed nasty to him, though he never said much.  He would never put her down that way.  He lived in their basement and slept on a couch for over 15 years...  They had no kind of real marriage.  We were talking of leaving our spouses and getting a place, but I was scared to death.  I didn't want to hurt my husband, and I didn't want what happened to my mom and dad to happen to us.  I would never want to put our children or anyone that we love through that horror.  So, we just kept talking, he was so understanding.  As I said before, he had a lot of health problems...  He went into the hospital Tuesday before Thanksgiving and died Thanksgiving day.  He was buried at Arlington National Cemetary February 25 and I couldn't even go to the funeral...  I keep beating myself up over that one.  I feel I really let him down.  Now, here I am...  My husband knew that we were talking, but he does not know how very deeply I loved him.  No one knows the depth of my grief.  I just have to go on smiling to everyone like I am just fine.  I am just dying inside.  I know this is long, but I just had to tell my story to someone.  Ironically, he had a brother die on Thanksgiving day when he was a little boy.  I miss him with every fiber of my being.  Never knew what that meant until I fell in love with him...

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