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Comment by Eva Van on April 25, 2014 at 6:30pm

March 17th 2014 I lost my 24 year old daughter in a single car accident. The pain from that is excruciating...

But March 26, 2011 I lost my husband to squamous cell carcinoma skin cancer. He had a lesion as we later found out above his left eyebrow. He had gone to a dermatologist in 2009 and they tested it and the results came back negative for cancer. They gave him different creams but nothing seemed to work. He kept going but they just kept telling him basically it was nothing until it started to grow in size the beginning of 2010. He finally talked a new dermatologist into doing another test which came back negative once again but the Doctor said that it is a false negative and that he was sure of it. He did another test and again it came back negative but the doctor told us that for whatever reason...the tests were wrong. By this time the lesion had grown to the size of a quarter. He scheduled my husband for a surgery which would now require a skin graft. They took skin from in front of his right ear and removed the lesion, muscle, and skin the diameter 5 times that of a quarter. Within 3 weeks of surgery he had a gowth...not a lesion in the edge of the scar. This too was removed. One month later a growth the size of a large Marble appeared in the scar from the skin graft in front of his ear. Though the doctor took a sample for testing, he did not wait for results and scheduled him for surgery to remove the mass. During the surgery they found the mass was in his scar but also in his perotid gland the size of a lemon. The simple surgery turned into 14 hours as they had difficulty removing the mass that was entwined in his nerves. They also decide to remove all his glands in the neck on that side. After that he was in Chemo and point specific radiation. It was a horrible ordeal. The radiation was done on his neck so not only did the Chemo make him sick...the radiation burned his throat and eating was next to impossible. I watched my 6'3" muscled husband practically wither away. When Chemo and radiation were done, they basically gave him a clean bill of health. He began eating and bulking back up. But I knew something was wrong because he developed a cough. We were living in a colder climate and he decided (for us) to move to a warmer climate because he kept telling me it was bronchitis and he just needed the change in weather to get over it. We moved close to a desert climate and things seemed to ease somewhat but not completely. I told him that his cough was not brochitis and we would have to go in and see a new physician because I did not believe it. He did. He told me the doctor said it was bronchitis but he was having trouble kicking it. This was for 3 months after Chemo and radiation. Then the cough got worse and he had lost a little bit of weight he had just put back on. I told him they were wrong it had to be something else. At that point he told me that his cancer had spread to his lungs and brain. He had 3 to 6 weeks to live. There was nothing they could do. He passed away 5 weeks after he told me. I don't think he knew the cancer spread until I made him get a 2nd opinion about the bronchitis and he made the decision not to tell me.   

Comment by Cathie Mac on April 25, 2014 at 5:03pm

My husband was diagnosed with Lymphoma, otherwise very healthy.  He passed away 8 months later after many rounds of chemo, full body radiation and a stem cell transplant.  It was very difficult to watch a strong healthy active man literally shrivel up.

Comment by Terri Shedd Ramsour on August 18, 2013 at 1:58pm

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer the day after Christmas 2010 and passed April 2012. We were married 20 years. I haven't heard from the two brothers he had that were closest to him. It breaks my heart. I know it was hard on them but I really needed their support. I think of him everyday and see him in the face of our son. I mourn for him and the life we had but I feel that no one understands it. They think I need to move on but how can I when it was my life. Our life.

Comment by Kara Janssan on August 3, 2013 at 8:37pm

I cared for my boyfriend who had Brain cancer for 3 yrs. I cared for him for a year. He passed way Novermber 14th 2012

Comment by Debbie on April 7, 2013 at 10:01pm

anna, we were told over and over that his death would be peaceful. ...it turned out to be very traumatic, not peaceful at all. I'm sorry your feeling so alone. Do you go to any type of grief counciling?

Comment by s savoie on April 7, 2013 at 3:55pm

hi debbie,  i know you must treasure your time at home with your husband before his death.  My story is, of course, different.  still trying to deal with all the different emotions and find some peace. His death was not peaceful.   I have three kids.. all moved out of the house but really not settled on their own yet.  Just returned from a weekend visit with them all.  I feel so isolated and alone. but trying to look forward to a better future.

Comment by Debbie on April 4, 2013 at 6:37am

anna, I too never left my husbands side. He passed within 7 months of being diagnosed with esophageal cancer and the last 3 weeks of taking care of him I would not trade for anything! we spent 2 weeks in the hospital and then brought him home for a week with hospice before he passed on Dec 11th 2012. I love and miss him everyday...

Comment by anna l. on April 3, 2013 at 11:00pm

Debbie, I only had 9 short weeks to take care of my husband but I tried to never leave his side.  He was calmest when I was within reach and I was more willing to do that for him.  If he was in the hospital and he was often because of uncontrollable pain I was in a chair beside his bed.  So I suppose I qualify for this group.  I sure wish there would never ever be anyone else who does though, but unfortunately cancer will continue to send spouses this way.

 

Comment by Debbie on April 3, 2013 at 9:08pm

when I found the group the only person in it was the woman who started it.

Comment by Debbie on April 3, 2013 at 9:06pm

oh no I wasnt trying to organize anything...I just found this group and would like to commumicate with others who have been through somewhat of the same as me...

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