Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Babs on August 26, 2011 at 1:12pm

Hi shantel, I am so so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother in such a traumatic way. He did not deserve it and neither did you or anyone else who loved him. I know that we are told that God dosen't give us more than we can bear, but I have to admit I have questioned that one.I have experienced God in a very real way and known his love so find it hard to turn away, but I do wish that he could intervene inour fallen world and sort it out, there is so much pain, I guess then we wouldn't have free will though and would be in heaven, which would be fine with me. will just keep praying for that day. I do not understand and it is hard not to have any control over our lives, or very little anyhow. I guess we can control how we react to things but not whats done to us. My heart goes out to you. Hugs. Babs

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Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on August 30, 2011 at 12:40pm

Thank you for your response, we will see what God, or whoever does for me. I think he is too busy giving evil people everything they want, meanwhile people that scream for help get ignored.

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Permalink Reply by Lorraine on August 26, 2011 at 8:24pm

Hi Shantel, 

I lost my son Silas to cancer just 8 months after he was diagnosed.  He was a bit older than your brother, he was 29.  Still way to young to die.  Silas had gone back to college to become a journalist, and was very excited about life.  While he was fighting his cancer, we were in the hospital quite a bit.  I used to go to the chapel and pray.  I think maybe there is a print of my body in the carpet there from all of the time I spent crying and praying and asking God to take me instead.... I also remember telling Sy's older sister Phoebe that a lot of people were praying for Silas, and she replied, "Well, tell them to pray harder, because it is not working...."  It is heartbreaking to lose someone so close to you.  My heart goes out to you.  I don't have answers, as I feel the same anger you do when people say what I think are stupid or insensitive things.  I have received many "signs" from Silas since he has died, all pointing to the theory that life or soul lives on.  I can only go by that for myself.  I think it is okay to be angry with God; and I also think if God is there, then that God energy is not responsible for choosing who lives and who dies.  Sometimes I think hell is here on earth for some of us, yet I don't like to think like that because Silas loved life so very much.  Silas has three sisters; his youngest sister Jesse was going to college also when Sy was diagnosed.  She kept on going, in part because her brother wanted so much to graduate, and she is now a occupational therapist.  I know that Silas is very proud of her.  I hope that you can find ways to deal with your anger and sadness, which I think are justified, and continue to move forward in your life in a way that would make your brother proud.  Maybe you will have a different relationship with God, or maybe your beliefs will change.  Whatever happens there, I wish you all the best.  Sending love, Lorraine (Sy's Mom)

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Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on August 30, 2011 at 12:42pm

Thanks for your response, I'm glad that you found a way to keep going. Murder is much harder to deal with. Some times religion helps, but other times it keeps you wondering still.

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Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on August 30, 2011 at 12:38pm

Thank you for the response, at least someone understands what I'm going through. Im not the most perfect person in the world, and I'm not saying my brother was perfect either. But there are so many evil people in the world for God to pick on. I have to suffer everyday for the rest of my life. The only thing that keeps me going is my niece that my brother left behind. I was so selfish to him sometimes, but he was still such a good person that he left me a niece and she's the only thing i have to live for now. What kind of God would let dead beat dads live, but my brother who was only 17, wanted to be a father and he didnt get a chance. You have people 3 times his age that don't take responsibility and he did. What sucks the most is that he already went through hell, and God couldn't have mercy on him this once. His father used to beat up my mother. That man is still alive, while my brother passed away. We used to get abused by my step father. My step father is still alive, while my brother is dead. There are murderers and rapists that live in multi-million dollar homes, while me and my brother had to live from home to home. But yes, God is so great. And yes, I cursed at God too. I said every insult in the world to God, and the least God can do is understand after the crap he pulled in my life.

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Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on August 31, 2011 at 2:25am

He was a good kid, perfect attendance, looking for a job to take care of his daughter who is now 3 weeks. He wouldve been 18 this past august the 12th. He was a much better person than I ever gave him credit for. And just when I wanted to do better by him, then he dies. Why is it when you want someone the most, thats when they leave you. Granted, I shouldve done better by him when he was here. But why couldnt I have received another chance? I have a cousin that used to beat on his wife and son. Now he is married to a new woman, about to have his 3rd kid and becoming a MINISTER in the church!!! If he can get a second chance with his life, why couldnt I have another chance with my brother? That shows how fair life is. IF god had any mercy he would just let me die so I can be with him

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Permalink Reply by Ashley Nicole on September 2, 2011 at 4:58am

Talk to your brother. He knows your pain and if you pay attention, I know he'll send you a sign. My sister has been gone only a month and a half, but she's defintely watching over her family and friends. Oddly enough, one of her favorite songs was "If I die young". We played it at her funeral and since then whenever I'm thinking about her alot or if it's bothering me alot, I'll hear the song ALOT. One night, I literally heard it 3 times in a row (once on three stations, but back to back). Lots of family and friends randonly have seen rainbows. Me, personally, I seen two the day I got to Texas (the day before the found her). Maybe those theroies sound dumb to you, but I know she's watching over me, I've felt her precesence as well. When all of this first happened, I couldn't sleep. I was literally awake for 48 hours + because I couldn't sleep at all and I was barely eating. I went into Amber's room, laid on her floor and cried... prayed that she help me sleep because I was sleep deprived. I felt her wrap her arms around me and instanly I was asleep. Her actions tell me that there is an afterlife and now I have a beautiful guardian angel.

It's devestating, to say the least, when people we love so dearly are ripped away from us. You have every right to be pissed off. Unfortunately, everyone has a time. I try to think that God had a more important misson for Amber in heaven. I'll be honest, I'm not totally happy with that. I'm selfish because I'd prefer her be here with us, but nothing I can say or do is going to change what's happened. So, I try to take comfort in knowing that she's in a better place. I hope this has helped a little. Please contact me if you need/want someone to talk to.

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Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on September 3, 2011 at 6:19pm

I have received signs from my brother too. What hurts the most is that he was a good young man and did nothing to warrant that type of attack. I will tell you how unfair life is. He was with his friend when he was shot. He was shot because people were angry at his friend and wanted to kill him in retaliation. Instead the boy got my brother instead. His friend that got him shot was his age too, 17. This boy has a child he doesnt take care of, and constantly causes trouble in his neighborhood. He showed up to school drunk, and they threw him out of school. he has a child he doesnt take care of. He also goes on the streets drunk and starts problems with people. My brother on the other hand, also got a young lady pregnant, but wanted to be a father. He was helping her financially with the money he got from school and was looking forward to being a father and looking for a job. Why is it, the most evil people in the world get to live and cause trouble? I know people that have been in gangs, killed, raped etc,, that are alive and well. My brother, that never did anything to anyone, didnt get to live to see 18 or to see his daughter born. His father abused my mother in front of us. That man is alive and well, while a decent, loving, sensitive, ambitious young man had to leave. I have signs from him too. I would like to think that he is in a higher, beautiful plane and that he was too good for this one. However God has a bad habit of taking the best, brightest and kindest people. Something is wrong here

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Permalink Reply by Ashley Nicole on September 3, 2011 at 11:17pm

I understand exactly what you're saying, Shantel. I feel that way about Amber. She wasn't perfect by any means, but Amber was a good girl... a good mom. She loved Ava so so much, but she's gone now and Ava has been robbed of knowing the wonderful person her mother was. The man who killed her is 31 and in a gang. He's been in and out of jail.. the man has a wrap sheet a mile long. He has two girls that live with his ex, he didn't take care of them- probably didn't see them much either. He knew my sister for one month and got her mixed up into all sorts of stuff. After the fact, we find out that he's got a brother in prison for raping a woman and another in prison for murder. It doesn't make me happy to know that a man like that is laying in a bed tonight with absolutely no remorse for what he's done and that Texas tax dollars are paying for his bed, medical, those 3 square meals a day and anything else he needs. He sees his family for visititation, but we don't see Amber. We got robbed of even being able to see her at her funeral because of how bad of shape she was in. It breaks my heart to know what he did to her... to know that she fought for her life and yet he STILL felt he had the right to take it away. It's not fair that he gets such good treatment after what he's done, but such is life I suppose; no matter how unfair.

I'm thankful that, at least, Amber and your brother aren't suffering now. But, like you, I'm upset that she's where they are right now. It's not fair that Ava or your brother's child are being robbed of knowing their amazing parents... that they will never know (1st hand) how much they were loved by our siblings. The only thing you can do is show that baby how much he loved it. Make sure it always knows of it's father. Feed that child memories of yours and be there when it gets tough because one day... it will.

Maybe it no help, but they say that only the good die young and that God only calls home the best. Amber was one of the most honest, pure, loving people I ever met. God needed her just like he needed your brother. This earth wasn't worthy of either of them. So, they went home and one day,  we will see them again. :)

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Permalink Reply by Barbara Ann Thomson on September 4, 2011 at 12:54am

Here is looking at our losses in a different light......

David  cried out to God when he was suffering or not understanding things and God brought him comfort as David had time with his Lord; /Jesus cried out to God when He was dying on the cross...My God, My God, Why has though forsaken me when God turned His back on Him for a moment because of all the sin Jesus took on His being for us (our sin) ....we all cry out to Him at times in our lives when bad things happen.

This is a hard world to live in....it is fallen from the devastation of sin...with that comes evil because the evil one is alive but not forever.....

Job said it well "God gives and He takes...blessed be the name of the Lord" but God did not cry out to us WHY?? when He sent His Son here for the purpose of saving us....so that when He died and rose again He could leave His Holy Spirit for anyone who wanted to receive Him into their soul for eternal life...a choice on our part....Why? because He loved us so much that He planned this in order to bring us back to Him....my son died 2 weeks ago......we tend to cry out to Him why when these bad things happen....but do we cry out when there are wonderful things happening in our lives, when we find a special love, etc....Did Jesus say why when His Father fed the 5000 on the mountain or when His Father healed someone through Him....do we cry out when we become parents and are full of joy for the little one that we are now holding...this world is a sorry place in many ways and the more that people do evil the more suffering there is.....but this world is coming to an end sooner than we think and God's plan of love will be fulfilled for those who chose to believe and receive His Son....there is a season for everything....I now weep for my son...and will always miss him but I know where he is because of our Lord Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father....and I will be seeing him again...our earthly bodies are only for a certain amount of time....but His loving plan will be giving  us eternal bodies at the right time....God said in His word  "that there is a time to be born and a time to die"....that is how it is on this earth...what we do with that time is up to us..it is our choice....He yearns for us to turn to Him.....you have gone through a couple of seasons of terrbile loss and suffering; there are many seasons and I pray for healing for you through the other seasons of your life.....the earth is not a pie in the sky type of place..no it is a hard place with many beautiful moments, especially if you know our Lord and walk with Him through the good and the bad.....remember...God is with you in the mountain tops of life but He is also with you in the valleys.  Actually, that is when He is carrying you...Hope you will be able to see some of this one day....and remember, God loved you so much that He sent His Son down here to die on a cross for you... Read the book of John.....the gospel of Christ... ps...I feel for your suffering and I know I cannot take it away from you, just as no one can take my suffering of losing my son from me; but thank my God for  the comfort I receive from my Lord as I cry out to Him....knowing that one day my son and I will be together forever and I will be hugging him full of joy with no more tears as God wipes them away from me....Rob's Mom     

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Carly Michelle Hoskins on October 9, 2011 at 10:30am

I am very sorry for your loss Shantel. I lost my friend Tyler back in 2009; he was only 16. Then, in December of 2010, my mother's best friend (Tyler's mother, and my "second mama") was murdered. It is only human to question why God lets these things happen. I always just think of Roman's 8:28. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Think of it as if it was a puzzle. What you're going through right now is just one ugly little puzzle piece, but it is contributing to what eventually be a beautiful picture. Keep your faith in God. Take comfort in Him. God just needed another another angel. God bless you.

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Permalink Reply by Barbara Ann Thomson on October 10, 2011 at 11:30pm

Janice, my son Robbie (41) died on the same day as your Dad, Aug 16 and he died of  Genetic Coronary Heart Desease"..much of what you say I understand, especially at this time....even anger more than anything....and guess what, so does God; I know you type god with a small g,  but He is bigger than that....sounds like your Dad believed so He would of been in Heaven the same day as my son...that touches me for some reason....so I know they are alright, in fact much better off than we are right now....you  are very confused about spiritual things....Jesus understands your anger and He understood mine,   but He is there and waitng for you to look up.....God  is a Loving God;  heck, I could never send my son to go die for others, yet He did; why....because of His Grace and Mercy...He is full  of love but is also a Righteous God so He could  never permit  any sin to enter Heaven as it entered earth or it would end up like earth that has so much evil in it besides the love that is here too..so His plan was to send His son down here to cover our sins with His blood for that is what happened when Adam and Eve died; sin entered the bloodstream of them and that has passed down to every person that has been on this earth. It takes studying the old testament for you to see about the tree of life, our blood after the fall... (our blood is the life source)...baby lambs that were sacrificed with their blood throughout the old testament for connecting to God for humans back then, blood around door posts (wood)  during the time of the Israelites and Egyptions in order to protect the Jews;  blood/wood  all represents the fall of man (blood) and tree of life (wood) and that is why Jesus came when He did because that was the time of crucifixtions, to kill people as punishment, so coming then  His death would be by shedding His blood on a cross to cover all people who would choose to come to Him; then with Jesus within them by the powere of  Holy Spirit; He covered them with His bloodso that they would now be brought to Heaven through God's Son Jesus.  Jesus's blood  became the final sacrifice for any one who believes and will receive His gift; but it is our choice...based on some  of your spiritual statements I thought that maybe replying to some of them with the confusion you have, might help you a bit...  

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